Do you have others you talk to about your feelings??
Resentment is a terrible thing. About 2 years ago i was filled with them. In fact all i thought about were resentments towards myself and others and had no other space in my brain to think productively. The only way i found to deal with them was by exposing them to others. In exposing them to others i was able to see things about myself that were in fact the main creator of those feelings. One thing i saw and that i still have not gotten away from entirely was my way in dealing with my feelings which was actually self destruction. I shoved my feelings inside and that’s what created the resentments, not only towards whatever started the feelings but also towards the ways i tried dealing with them.
Relationships in that sense are a tricky thing. Shoot, for me i still struggle from time to time in all of my relationships,(by that i mean even friendships). The longest i dated someone was for 3 years as well. It was very unhealthy. I did a lot of harm to her and she did a lot of harm to me. I held on to her in my mind after we split for about 2 years. Constantly thinking about her, getting resentful at both myself and her and i never talked about how i was feeling with anyone, sadly i didn’t know how and until i learned and did that’s when the resentment started to die down. We tried dating again and when i saw that it was going to be the same i broke up with her but this time in the healthiest fashion i knew, which was we actually sat down and talked about our break up. This helped with some closure because the time before we just stopped talking to each other. But even after this break up i still found myself feeling angry, guilty, shameful and the like about past things between us and even possibilities of what it is she may be doing now as far as getting with someone else and so and so forth. Someone told me one time that even though i let go of the hope that i had in us possibly being able to work, i was still holding on to her in a negative way, i just used that negative was as a excuse to continue to hold on. When i don’t accept something as it is and hold on it is all out of fear. Fear of not being provided for, fear of not being loved, fear of the unknown, so my conditioned way is to hold on, to control which i have come find that the more i hold on and the more i try to control the weaker i become and that I am actually the one being controlled.
I hope this Helped.

Hello everyone, this is my first time responding to a post on here so I’m a bit excited about that lol.
I think this is very cool that others post how they are feeling on here and make it optional for others to give input on whatever it is that is going on. I would like to say thank you first of all for you post, that is servicing us who are either feeling the same way or have felt the same way reminding us we are not alone.
I have found myself in your shoes many times, and in fact are in a somewhat similar situation as i am writing this. not so much wanting a girlfriend but just with in friends in general. I am having trouble being alone and have had trouble being along in this past, but this time it is different. I have made it through what i believe to be the same stage it is that you are in right now. A couple months ago i was miserable. I was not doing any of the things that i wanted to do with my life or enjoy. Then i met a girl and we began to talk and it was as if drive came out of nowhere again. Finally i had found some hope that i was going to be a relationship of that type because for a long time i thought i wasn’t going to find anyone. Then the unexpected happened. She no longer wanted to talk to me “in that way”. I was very hurt, very upset, and in fact are still in the process of letting go of that hope for us entirely. But it taught me something. When we started talking i began doing all the things that it was i wanted to do again. Reading books, meditating, exercising, eating healthy, taking care of myself and so on and so forth. And i realized that it was if i was using her as my comfort zone to do all these thing. So after we stopped talking what i did was i just kept doing them no matter how hard it was to do. I am still doing them. I also recently let go of some other relationships that were just friendships, and I’m in a state of loneliness and its been a bit difficult to not let my mind take over and stop me from doing all it is that i am doing to take care of myself. But I’m wanting friendships, and I’m seeing why, its because something is wrong on the inside. I’m feeling lonely, inadequate, unworthy, all these feelings that were hidden behind those friendship. Its dealing with these feelings that will help me move on and find the contentment in myself of just being with myself, not finding something on the outside to hide how I’m feeling on the inside. I have done this many times which makes it easier to sit with these feelings. I still have people to talk to, i still have friends, i still see my therapists once a week, and yet I’m feeling lonely, that’s what tells me that they are false, they are there, but they are not real. I encourage talking to someone about how you truly feel, it has been the only way i have found to get it out and heal it. After the inside heals the outside falls into place.
I also hear some comparison between you and your friends and one thing i try to remember, and let me emphasize on Try, because i do forget it plenty, but that comparing my insides to others outsides never works.