Hi @anita ,

Thanks a lot for your response.  Truly, you are an angel. I was undergoing a slightly feeling low spell recently and couldn’t muster enough courage to reply. What you have described is exactly what happens. I am not relaxed in the groups which I was referring to earlier.

Let me go in a bit of depth here. What I think happens in such situations is that I am afraid of opening up as I seek approval of someone in the group. I’ll give an example which will make things more clear. Recently, our college had its annual meetup and my old gang from college was attending it. I was full of energy, enjoying myself and making others laugh until my old friend Reema arrived. Reema is a charismatic girl, full of energy and a person everyone loves. I considered myself as her close friend (only from my side) but I have always craved for her approval which she has rarely provided. I have gone beyond and over for her but probably we don’t click. To attain her approval, I allow myself to be mocked and am not my normal self around her. Coming back to our party, As soon as she arrived my friends drifted towards her and I became conscious yet again. Though I tried to relax but she was on my mind continuously. I started overthinking that she was giving others more attention and even others were enjoying with her. I was craving for approval/attention from her specifically and ignoring others in the process.

Now, had I been my normal self then I would have enjoyed with others but I was afraid of the condescending laugh or even joking remark. I became normal yet again once she left.

I know that some of my behavioral traits are not ideal but I would like to improve them. Understanding the problem is probably the first step of the solution.

Thanks again for bearing with me.

Dear Anita,

In my family, the kids of my brother keep all of us engaged. They are sort of binding glue for us. Apart from them, we discuss what we did in the day, challenges we are facing or any humdrum details of daily life. I usually crack jokes on them and play with the kids. They are also interested in other aspects of my life like where did I travel and what I did there. All interactions are similar.

The foundations of my friendship with Ankur, Prerna, and Rashi was filled with ups and downs. We bonded in our office as we were part of the same team. There was turbulence due to office politics and other people initially. We knew each other for a long time but we became good friend towards the end before we departed to different cities. On the other hand, the other three had developed their friendship long back before me. As I write this, I see a partial answer to my question as I think that probably the foundation was not strong enough.

If that is the case, then I fear that I might never have close friendships with people. Close bonds take a lot of time to form and I don’t think that I would have another chance at those now.

First of all, I would like to apologize for such a late response. Ever since posting the question, I have been spending time with my beloved family and needless to say that I am very happy and calm these days.

@anita The environment I grew up in was sharply contrasted to the environment in which I spent my last couple of years. Due to the stark difference, there were times when my thinking involved envy, manipulation and many other negative emotions. Since then, I have tried to improve myself constantly and I am happy to say that I am a better person due to my experiences.

@GL Thanks a lot for such wise words. I am truly in awe of your analysis which is very much to the point and as I introspect with a calm mind, I think that I have been too fixated on being a perfect person that I succumbed to the constant anxiety and depression when things didn’t go the way I wanted. In the cocoon of love and warmth of my family, I do not feel the need to fear any judgments or flaws. I can discuss anything and everything with them. During the last decade, as I moved forward in my life with college and job, my emotional bond with my family had deteriorated to a bare thread holding us. Today, my time with them has remedied this a lot.

I have also started practicing mindfulness meditation which is yet another source of some calm time for me. On another note, I have reduced the amount of social networking which has reduced much of my anxiety. This, in turn, has lead me to partially cut-off those people who I feel were a source of my anxiety. Though my ship is still in turbulent waters yet I don’t fear the storm. For now. I hope that it remains the same as I move out back into the real world away from my family.

@Lispol Thanks a lot for such kind words. It helps a lot to understand people who have walked on the same path as me. As you mentioned, I am also trying to train my mind not to overthink the situations. I hope that mindfulness will help me in this aspect. Trying to please everyone has been part of my mindset but I am trying to change that now. I too have found volunteering to be very helpful for me. I have not been able to do any volunteering activity for now but I plan to reengage as soon as I can.

Again, Thanks a lot for your kind words.