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Peter

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Viewing 15 posts - 91 through 105 (of 953 total)
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  • in reply to: How do I meditate? #416001
    Peter
    Participant

    Just came across this from Ram Das

    The thing about a method is that, for a method to work, it has to trap you. If you try to dilettante your way through, it doesn’t work. You’ve got to become “a meditator.” But if you end up “a meditator,” you lost. You want to end up free, not a meditator.

    There are a lot of people who just end up meditators… until, finally, if it works, it self-destructs and you come through the other end, and you’re free of method.

    That sounds frustrating and it is, however if you can ‘let go’ or ‘let flow’ the frustration the method is more likely to de-construct itself…. and you which may be the point of it all.

    One does not try to meditate, the intention is not to become a meditator, one IS

    in reply to: How do I meditate? #415972
    Peter
    Participant

    When I think about meditation Alan Watts words come to mind.  “If you want to outwit the devil, it is extremely important that you don’t give him advanced notice. Even if you only announce to yourself your intentions, the devil will know, because who do you think the devil is? You

    Just like when you try to be spontaneous you can’t be spontaneous, when you try to meditate you can’t. Here the words of Yoda ring out. “Their is no try on do“.  In Zen you have Wu wei  which means – non-doing or ‘doing nothing’.  Easier said then done, the ‘saying‘ being part of the problem as ones inner narrator loves to play the devil and fill ones thoughts with words of judgment and measure.

    That said the inner narrator is also a pretty good observer and when focused on the breath this observer might notice the breathing is both voluntary and involuntary. Voluntary as one can choose to take a deep breath, or hold ones breath….Involuntary in the sense that breathing is a happening – a kind Wu Wei. One does not have to understand breathing to breath one does not have to be continually, consciously manipulate the mussels and nervous system to breathe.  The observer might sit mesmerized as breathing as a happening while the narrator  might become anxious and start judging, measuring.

    In art and sport the artist and athlete take lessons, learn the rules, train, practice… but when they create and play the master artist and elite athlete does not think they do. If you have ever taken dance lessons over a period of time you will eventually hear the teacher say you need to learn the rules before you can break them. What they mean is that when you get to the point when you trust what you have learned is in your body. That your ears hear the rhythm without you having to listen, ears hear and the body responds… then your truly dancing.

    Wu Wei. – We work for that which no work is required. We train, we learn then we trust and trusting that we ‘know’ let go of what we learned and do. One sites in Meditation and notices the breath, practicing different kinds of breathing and eventually trust that we ‘know’ without needing to be the knower, breathing a happening, the inner narrator quiets and dances.

    in reply to: A lot of Anxiety and stress Extortion #415954
    Peter
    Participant

    Thanks I would like to meditate but I feel like I can’t rest my mind.

    To still the mind notice the inner narrator.

    Ear’s hear, eyes see, skin sense, tongue taste , heart beats, lungs breathe…. mind narrates.

    Seeing, hearing, tasting… these are happenings. There is no-thing to make happen, happenings happen. Yet the ‘I’ (and language) likes to think it can and so tends to get in the way.

    Your breathing and then someone tells you to breath… what changes? Its funny, if one is asked to be spontaneous can your response to that ask be spontaneous? Even if you might be spontaneous language will prevent you from proving it so the wise remain silent.  Thus we come to the inner narrator.

    In meditation one is asked to breathe and the narrator, narrating on the breathe and maybe even try to take over. I think the idea is that the narrator will get distracted on the breath and turn from a narrator into a silent detached observer of the breathe….

    That kind of works until the narrator gets bored and or uncomfortable when it notices that ‘no I’ is breathing, there is just breathing, just the happening. The narrator realizing that its not and can’t make happenings happen wonders about its own existence. If afraid of such a question it fills the empty space meditation with random thoughts and memories.

    Practicing the practice the inner narrator might notice the problem isn’t existence but with language, the problem of naming everything as if the name is the thing, the narrator might notice it can watch with out naming and still exist. The inner narrator might even find it enjoys the rest and role as observer. The observer with no name, just is.

    Happenings happen, eyes see, ears hear….

    in reply to: Truth: The Whisky Talks #415673
    Peter
    Participant

    I think Lao Tzu would agree.

    Thirty spokes converge upon a single hub,
    It is on the hole in the center that the use of the cart hinges.
    We make a vessel from a lump of clay;
    It is the empty space within the vessel that makes its useful.
    We make the doors and windows for a room;
    But it is these empty spaces that make the room livable.
    Thus while the tangible has advantages,
    It is the intangible that makes it useful.”  Lao Tzu

    Here’s a 4000 year old riddle which may have stated a few people drinking. 🙂
    “Heaven above, heaven below;
    Stars above, stars below.
    All that is over, under shall show.
    Happy who the riddle reads!” – The Hermetic Emerald Tablet

    I was watching the NASA channel where one of the astronauts returning from moon was looking out the window that one moment showed the earth the next the moon the next the sun. And in that moment for him the opposites dissolved into the All or One and the he was not separate from the One.

    From that perspective what is up, what is down, what is in what is out, what is west, what is east, what is good, what is bad, what is birth, what is death, what is a beginning and what is a end?

    Thought experiment.

    How do we measure the present moment?
    Stop time and project yourself out in to space as you watch the earth recedes. 8 billion consciousness experienced the same moment in a multitude of experiences. Continue on this journey past the galaxies and universes and you arrive at the big bang. The Present moment is bigger then big, the eternal ‘Now’ includes the big bang!  As you look within this big bang you notice a drop that is also the All, sitting quietly in a room performing a thought experiment. The present moment smaller then small.

    LOL no drugs required.

    in reply to: Truth: The Whisky Talks #415524
    Peter
    Participant

    We are a drop of water in the ocean

    We are a drop in the ocean and the drop contains the entire ocean.  A circle whose center is everywhere and circumference nowhere. We are not brought into the world but out of it, so cannot be separated from IT. Everything connected, everything belongs.

    LOL and I’m not even Drunk

    We see the world as we are not as it is. The world isn’t broken, the task then isn’t to fix the world (as if we had the power and control to do so, (thinking which is what gets us into these messes) but to clarify how we see ourselves so that we might better see and respond the world as it is.

    My suspicion is that a honest engagement in that task will naturally lead to compassion and contentment (bliss) with the realization we are not separate from each other or the world in which we live.  We become water, we flow….

     

     

    in reply to: Overcoming Habitual Suicidal Ideation #415348
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Helcat

    These thoughts don’t upset me persay. I can move on pretty quickly from them. I think it’s the idea of it happening that bothers me. Seeing it as something to solve.

    I think you hit the nail on the head. You do the work yet still the thoughts happen, a unwanted reminder of past work and or that more work is required. I find the experience more frustrating then upsetting, which of course only adds fuel to such thoughts. The mind is a amazing thing yet it seems it can’t help itself getting in its own way.

     

    in reply to: Overcoming Habitual Suicidal Ideation #415218
    Peter
    Participant

    To clarify what I think happens. Ego consciousness does not trust the flow that is Life and so fears that death is the end. Worse this ego self not only doesn’t trust the process that is Life this false self attempts to control Life, which it can’t, and so finding itself frustrated, digs in, and digging in wishes to die. The very thing its resisting.

    Essentially the ego self is saying NO to Life which is like spitting in the wind. If true the way out isn’t some imagined UP but though, getting to a place of trusting Life to be Life. A YES that I suspect leads to a further step of a ‘knowing‘ that Life as It Is, is Love.

    in reply to: Overcoming Habitual Suicidal Ideation #415217
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Helcat

    This morning as I woke to a general sense of anxiety for no apparent reason, the usual thoughts followed, wishing that I could end it as in die. To be candid I cannot remember a time when these thoughts of ending things have not been part of my life. So when I read you post I could relate to your question as I asked it myself this very morning.

    It seems to me these thoughts have been planted deep from a early age and the part of the self that keeps bringing them to the surface is doing so more out of habit that for a reason. I assume their is a part of that self that is addicted to them.

    My method of dealing with it has been to take a step back and observe the observer that is experiencing the anxiety from which the thoughts arise.  A practice of detachment to unblock the flow and move on from the thoughts. It sometimes works though this morning the frustration of noticing these thoughts arise yet again and not knowing why got in the way. Why can be a very unskillful word especially, as I’m beginning to suspect, this is no why, at least no one that is relevant to the present.

    Allan Watts said “If you want to outwit the devil, it is extremely important that you don’t give him advanced notice. Even if you only announce to yourself your intentions, the devil will know, because who do you think the devil is? You

    I think part of what Allan is referring to with that statement is the art of ‘doing by not doing’ That when you try not to have such thoughts as suicided ideation your pretty much going to have those thoughts.  And to that I have no answer as part of the problem is language itself… and the constant nattering of the inner narrator that can’t seem to help itself in describing every thought and feeling.

    Something I learned was the life is a cycle of birth, death, rebirth – the reality of every breath. Put another way Life eats Life, or Life requires the sacrifice of Life in the pursuit of Life and growth.  This is the reality of organic organisms and the subjective things as thoughts, feelings, desires, fears….. such things have their time to be born and to die so that we might learn and grow.

    Only the ego isn’t usually fully conscious of this reality and or does not trust it, that rebirth will follow. Such a ego consciousness does not like IT as it feels like death as a ending, so It resist this flow of life, which it can’t. This produces anxiety and the paradoxical desire of ending this cycle by suicide.  The ego self fear of “dying” creating the suicidal ideation, which surly is ironic.

    Anyway I took that to mean that when I experience thoughts of suicide its a sign pointing to the likelihood that I’m holding on to something that needs to die so that a something else might grow. I suspect thier are a few things I’m holding onto that is blocking flow.  Thus we work for that which no work is required as the flow is always flowing and the thought we are blocking it only a illusion. Holding on to something which time has come to ‘die‘, still ‘dies’, only the rebirth of what come next has changed.

    So this morning I woke up ‘on the wrong side of the bed’ but seeing your post didn’t feel so quite alone.  My name is Peter and I’m addicted to Suicidal Ideation…

    in reply to: Aliive but NOT Living #414828
    Peter
    Participant

    Other Outtakes from the Midnight Library that feel appropriate:

    “Sometimes just to say your own truth out loud is enough to find others like you.”

    “The paradox of volcanoes was that they were symbols of destruction but also life. Once the lava slows and cools, it solidifies and then breaks down over time to become soil – rich, fertile soil.
    She wasn’t a black hole, she decided. She was a volcano. And like a volcano she couldn’t run away from herself. She’d have to stay there and tend to that wasteland.
    She could plant a forest inside herself.”

    “Want,’ is an interesting word. It means lack. Sometimes if we fill that lack with something else the original want disappears entirely.”

    “And even if you were a pawn – maybe we all are – then you should remember that a pawn is the most magical piece of all. It might look small and ordinary but it isn’t. because a pawn is never just a pawn. A pawn is a queen-in-waiting. All you need to do is find a way to keep moving forward. One square after another. And you can get to the other side and unlock all kinds of power.”

    “It is quite a revelation to discover that the place you wanted to escape to is the exact same place you escaped from. That the prison wasn’t the place, but the perspective.”

    “Nora had always had a problem accepting herself. From as far back as she could remember, she’d had the sense that she wasn’t enough. Her parents who both had their own insecurities, had encouraged that idea.
    She imagined, now, what it would be like to accept herself completely. Every mistake she had ever made. Every mark on her body. Every dream she had ever made. Every dream she hadn’t reached or pain she had felt. Every lust or longing she had suppressed.
    She imagined accepting it all. The way she accepted nature. The way she accepted a glacier or a puffin or the breach of a whale.
    She imagined seeing herself as just another brilliant freak of nature. Just another sentient animal, trying her best.
    And in doing so, she imagined what it was like to be free.”

    in reply to: Aliive but NOT Living #414823
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Mindy and Matilda

    Alive but not living… not a great space to find oneself. From my own experience I learned that the way out is through. Each day taking step to change something and noticing when thinking and feeling were blocking flow. The author Matt Haig writes about such experiences. I found his book Midnight Library helpful as it reminds us we arn’t alone in this experience of being alive but not living.

    It is easy to mourn the lives we aren’t living. Easy to wish we’d developed other other talents, said yes to different offers. Easy to wish we’d worked harder, loved better, handled our finances more astutely, been more popular, stayed in the band, gone to Australia, said yes to the coffee or done more bloody yoga.

    It takes no effort to miss the friends we didn’t make and the work we didn’t do the people we didn’t do and the people we didn’t marry and the children we didn’t have. It is not difficult to see yourself through the lens of other people, and to wish you were all the different kaleidoscopic versions of you they wanted you to be. It is easy to regret, and keep regretting, ad infinitum, until our time runs out.

    But it is not lives we regret not living that are the real problem. It is the regret itself. It’s the regret that makes us shrivel and wither and feel like our own and other people’s worst enemy.

    We can’t tell if any of those other versions would of been better or worse. Those lives are happening, it is true, but you are happening as well, and that is the happening we have to focus on.

    …..

    Of course, we can’t visit every place or meet every person or do every job, yet most of what we’d feel in any life is still available. We don’t have to play every game to know what winning feels like. We don’t have to hear every piece of music in the world to understand music. We don’t have to have tried every variety of grape from every vineyard to know the pleasure of wine. Love and laughter and fear and pain are universal currencies. We just have to close our eyes and savour the taste of the drink in front of us and listen to the song as it plays.

    We are as completely and utterly alive as we are in any other life and have access to the same emotional spectrum.
    ― Matt Haig, The Midnight Library

    in reply to: how to reduce a primary desire ? #414736
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Lorm

    Thoughts are a happening. The more you try or will yourself not to engage some thought the longer it lingers. Frustrating as from the point of view of the mind trying our not trying to engage with a though is the same thing. In both cases your holding on to it and blocking flow.

    As Helcat mentioned Meditation techniques could help. “Oh here is that fantasy again”, engage or don’t engage, whatever you choose do so without judgment as it the judgment that clings to such things and prevents flow.

    You might notice that when you don’t apply judgments to having the fantasy you might go a step further and examine the judgments your making about the fantasies your having, the desire for relationship. In the fantasy what are you labeling as good, bad, if only, shoulds…  At that point you might make such judgements conscious and being conscious allow them to inform you vice block you.

    A fantasy becomes unskillful when it becomes a trick used to hide away from life rather then engaging with life. In a fantasy world one appears to a have more control so it may ‘feel’ safer, and being safer can become a pleasant trap.  My owe experience with getting stuck in fantasy has been linked to a desire of the ego for control (both illusions). Something one can address in meditation.

    in reply to: Do you exist? I don’t. #414421
    Peter
    Participant

    Thanks Helcat

    I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experience with  attachment, memory and being Present.  I find it helpful in hearing how others express thier experiences with what they are learning.

    in reply to: Do you exist? I don’t. #414394
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Helcat
    The African Yoruba religion have a interesting take on reincarnation is that the soul actually chooses the experience they wish to have in life.  No training required. I have a friend that believes this as it give her comfort.

    From what I read of the wisdom traditions with regards to choosing ones next life, it stars with ‘knowing one self’ so that you can ‘see’ reality clearly and thier by respond to it vice react. Then you get face with the challenge of coming to terms with the problem of opposites, duality, binary thinking.   You can see the problem of binary thinking played out on social media where everything seems to be either or, like – dislike, with me – against me, all or nothing. Language doesn’t help as its dependent on contrasting and implying the opposite.

    Funny thing as the problem of opposites becomes resolved within ones experience, words disappear including the ‘I’ which I think Rob hints at.

    I’d be very interested in you take on a problem I’ve had with Buddhism and other traditions. In Buddhism only the Now exists yet many of the concepts and teachings appear to be projected onto some future and that seems like a contradiction.

    Lately when I read about such things from various wisdom traditions I’ve been re-referencing the teachings to the Now. Is what I’m learning about the Now? In that context the teachings seem to resonate. Heaven is now, nirvana is now, hell is now, purgatory is now, death is now, life is now…  If we don’t notice its because we see the world as we are not as it is, we get in the way. So the work (training) is so that we see ourselves better and doing so get out of the way. (surprise the self, small s, disappears as does separateness.)

    Using the story of the Garden, Adam and Eve gain the knowledge or good and evil. Note that  ‘knowledge of‘ is not the same as the ‘knowledge of what is‘ and so we have tension between the opposites. This tension gives birth to ego consciousness, language and the problem of opposites.  How can something be good one moment and bad the next? Its a problem, and the first thing Adam and Eve note with this new ego consciousness is that they are separate, maybe not good and naked where being naked is judged shameful. So they try to hide and cover themselves up with layers of ‘clothing’ – personas/masks.

    The end is in the beginning, babies become conscious though the tension of opposite and the suspicion of separation from mother.  Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to undo that experience which all the wisdom traditions point to involving learning to see through the problem of opposites and a realization that we arn’t and never were separate ‘I’s’.

    You, me, everyone, everything is IT and that is a happening and possibility of every Now.

    No Idea if that made any sense just seeing where the thoughts go. Still thanks for allowing me to express them.

    in reply to: Do you exist? I don’t. #414337
    Peter
    Participant

    As a aside karma/memory disappears once one ‘knows’ (not a mind knowing) that life and death are not sperate. There not even two sides of the same coin, at least that’s not a great metaphor. The problem being is that your likely pick up the coin and flip it calling heads OR tails when their is no OR. No matter how small you slice the coin you will never be able to separate the two.

    A issue hear is language as we don’t have a word to communicate this think that is  life/death though some might use the word G_d if that word wasn’t so loaded. Perhaps the word Tao – Watts “I prefer not to translate the word Tao at all because the Tao is a sort of nonsense syllable, indicating the mystery that we can never understand—the unity that underlies the opposites.”

    in reply to: Do you exist? I don’t. #414329
    Peter
    Participant

    During the process of death and rebirth there is an opportunity to choose which realm you are born into.

    Not sure if ‘choose’ is the correct word. If in that perspective life and death are a “something” that is separate or a experience that is projected to some future end/beginning then karma/memory (seeing the world as we are not as it is) is a huge factor in that notion of choice. Begs the question how to see the world as it is and so respond to it as it is? The answer involves getting out of the ‘I’ out of the way.  Thus we work for that which no work is required as thier is no I.

    From another perspective ‘death and rebirth’ is THE realty of every “Now”- every breath a opportunity to get out of the way.

    What you are in your in-most being escapes your examination in rather the same way that you can’t look directly into your own eyes without using a mirror, you can’t bite your own teeth, you can’t taste your own tongue, and you can’t touch the tip of this finger with the tip of this finger – Watts

    The I does not exist as sperate. Nothing is separate and everything belongs.

    “Your real self, the real you, is everything there is… but concentrated and expressing itself at the point called your physical organism.”

    “We are all floating in a tremendous river and the river carries you along. Some of the people in the river are swimming against the current, but they are still being carried along. Others have learned that the art of the thing is to swim with it. You have to flow with the river. There is no other way. You can swim against it, and pretend not to be flowing with it. But you still flow with the river. Swimming Headless

    “When you know that you have to go with the river, suddenly you acquire—behind everything that you do—the power of the river.” – Watts

     

Viewing 15 posts - 91 through 105 (of 953 total)