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Peter

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  • March 6, 2022 at 9:35 am in reply to: What’s your view on the idea “As you think, so you shall be” #394401
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Danny

    “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

    I have found that such truths as you are beginning to embrace almost always appear as paradox, a need to hold two seemingly conflicting notions as true at the same time. I believe a reason for this is due to the nature of conciseness and growth

    Einstein noted that:  “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” thus I believe that when we are asked to grow we will be confronted with  seeming paradox. When contemplated paradox calls us to empty ourselves, detach from what we already think we know and feel, from who we think we are, to opening the door for a higher level of consciousness to answer the question.

    “As you think so you shall be” but then later on in the same book he says “You are not your thoughts”

    “In racing, they say that your car goes where your eyes go. The driver who cannot tear his eyes away from the wall as he spins out of control will meet that wall; the driver who looks down the track as he feels his tires break free will regain control of his vehicle.” – Racing in the Rain

    You are not your car, you are not your eyes you are not the wall you fear hitting, you are not the road… Yet there is a car, a road, a wall and the car will go where your eyes go.  The driver that looks down the road does not ignore the wall. The driver is fully aware of the car and the wall, notes it, then trust the skills (their knowing) to avoid it. The first skill they learn to avoid the wall is to look down the track to the direction the driver and car wants to go…

    Another challenge for you. in the above metaphor you are not the driver either. 🙂

    It is said “We see the world as we are not as it is”. The level of consciousness that realizes this problem needs a higher level of consciousness to address the problem of ‘as we are‘. Self emptying we notice we have thoughts, we are not our thoughts, we have emotions we are not our emotions, we have jobs we, we are not our jobs, we have experiences, we our not our experiences, we have stories, we are not our stories… This state of being allows our thoughts, emotions, experiences to flow instead of clinging to them, blocking them, identifying the Self with them and hitting the wall we wish to avoid.

    So you are not your thoughts – as you think so shell you be – isn’t a paradox at all.  (notice how changing the order of the two thoughts changes things?) If you know at a deep level of knowing you are not your thoughts so shell you BE. (who might that be detached from thought?)

    So another paradox for you 🙂 –   we work for that which no work is required.

    March 6, 2022 at 8:56 am in reply to: Ukraine #394398
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Thankyou for your kind words and for picking up the ‘spot of desperation’ behind the words. Some days it feels to much. The last few years have been so much. To much opportunity to practice maintaining healthy boundaries, self care, engagement while not adding to the negativity energy that seems to be pressing in. It is a challenge.

    I admire the compassion you express as you reach out to others who in a difficult moment need to be heard.

     

    March 4, 2022 at 7:50 am in reply to: Ukraine #394255
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Felix

    If your a highly sensitive person the last few years were likely difficult enough as it is, now with the absurdity of war all to regain some imagined past that never existed… I’m not doing a great job of managing my frustration and anxiety.

    What can we do? I agree that we should be careful about becoming fixated on the news. “The car goes where your eyes go. The driver who cannot tear his eyes away from the wall as he spins out of control will meet that wall; the driver who looks down the track as he feels his tires break free will regain control of his vehicle.” Taking time to step back and take a breathe from the news in no way means we don’t care. Instead it gives us space to process what were feeling and maybe find ways to look down the track, to the things we can do, vice the wall we fear.

    Practicing self-care as Helcat suggest is very important. I think the first step is noticing when one is getting stuck and or fixated on negative emotions and helpless. Noticing one might take a step back, find a friend, get and or give a hug….

    As a highly sensitive person I tend to ‘feel’ the emotions of those around me. Sometimes its difficult for me to distinguished between the emotions that are mine and those that belong to others. Meditation and contemplation has help in that regard though today in those quite moments as I setup my boundaries of light its hard not to notice how dark the darkness is that is pushing back. Again I am confronted with the paradox of maintaining a healthy detachment that remains engaged. How easily that has broken down and descended into times of indifference and depression.  Mindfulness helps me to notice and take the steps I can to avoid that pit.

    At times like this we can’t help but feel helpless and I wonder if that isn’t the greatest source of our anxiety. We realize how little influence we have while some individuals have far to much influence. Writing that I notice my blood pressure increase and so I take a breath, this is  as it has always been, we play our part.  To focused on what we cannot do does not get anything done. So we do what we can do. Love, pray, give, support, hug, breath… and forgive. (forgiveness does not remove accountability, it detaches the emotions, of hate and anger as the driving force behind holding ourselves and others accountable – not always easy)

    Having myself acted on the lies others I fully bought into I can feel compassion for those acting on the lies of Putin. It was compassion that let me out of the fog (did not keep me from being accountable for my failings which was painful). So it is compassion for myself and others as the tool I reach for in these times. So difficult… failing more then I had succeeding, but it is something I can do. Not adding my anger and hate to the situation for others sensitive people to feel.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Peter.
    March 2, 2022 at 9:16 am in reply to: Ukraine/Russia/My anxiety and anger #394099
    Peter
    Participant

    I liked Martin Kimani from Kenya UN speech.

    Putin’s desire to return to a time when ‘Russia was Great again’ is a good example of why getting stuck in ones past and attempting to  return to a time that has passed is such a unhealthy approach to life. We need to come to terms with our past but not try to recreate it as if one could step in the same river twice – “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”

    Putin had every opportunity to improve the lives of his people but he chose to steel from them instead. Even he and his minions didn’t trust Russia as they took the money they stole out of Russia. When I hear of men like Putin I always have the same  question – Why? What’s the point

    Martin Kimani

    This situation echoes our history. Kenya and almost every African country was birthed by the ending of empire. Our borders were not of our own drawing. They were drawn in the distant colonial metropoles of London, Paris, and Lisbon, with no regard for the ancient nations that they cleaved apart.

    Today, across the border of every single African country, live our countrymen with whom we share deep historical, cultural, and linguistic bonds. At independence, had we chosen to pursue states on the basis of ethnic, racial, or religious homogeneity, we would still be waging bloody wars these many decades later.

    Instead, we agreed that we would settle for the borders that we inherited, but we would still pursue continental political, economic, and legal integration. Rather than form nations that looked ever backwards into history with a dangerous nostalgia, we chose to look forward to a greatness none of our many nations and peoples had ever known. We chose to follow the rules of the Organisation of African Unity and the United Nations charter, not because our borders satisfied us, but because we wanted something greater, forged in peace.

    We believe that all states formed from empires that have collapsed or retreated have many peoples in them yearning for integration with peoples in neighboring states. This is normal and understandable. After all, who does not want to be joined to their brethren and to make common purpose with them? However, Kenya rejects such a yearning from being pursued by force. We must complete our recovery from the embers of dead empires in a way that does not plunge us back into new forms of domination and oppression.

    We rejected irredentism and expansionism on any basis, including racial, ethnic, religious, or cultural factors. We — We reject it again today. Kenya registers its strong concern and opposition to the recognition of Donetsk and Luhansk as independent states. We further strongly condemn the trend in the last few decades of powerful states, including members of this Security Council, breaching international law with little regard.

    March 1, 2022 at 1:03 pm in reply to: Ukraine/Russia/My anxiety and anger #393985
    Peter
    Participant

    Thanks for posting Pink

    I’m not obsessing, or trying not to, but also find my myself triggered and angry. I just don’t understand why and have no advice as I try to work out my emotions.

    Has anyone watched the Game of Thrones? How everyone was so disappointed by the ending. All that scheming, all the wars, all the killing and in the end nothing changed (other the their were a lot less people).    The world was not a better place, peoples lives were not improved…. What was the point?  Of course that may have been the point War is absurd.

    One person, one of the wealthiest in the world and this is what he decides to do? For what?   Imagine if the man would have turned his attention on making the lives of his people better instead of robbing them.  I suspect that’s why he hates the Ukraine – they chose independence and the lives of the people were getting better not a good example for the Russian people…

    Sorry venting, but sometimes venting helps

     

    February 27, 2022 at 10:19 am in reply to: I Feel So Rejected By Men #393800
    Peter
    Participant

    HoneyBlossom

    Honeyblossom just came into my head not so much because I feel it represents me – more that it is something I like- a flower which sustains life and healing – although I have been told I have honey blonde hair!

    I believe that such things arise from our depths, like dreams, to revival something, a truth, a direction.. about our true Self that we are not yet conscious of or fully integrated.

    You asked about meditation and their is a practice of focusing on breath as you repeat a mantra.

    I tried it using the words honey and blossom and was surprised that the word Honey felt more natural on the inhale while Blossom on the exhale. Breathing in honey, exhaling Blossom…

    Bees make honey by drinking in the nectar of the flowers blossom so one might imagine that the more natural rhythm would be of breathing in blossom and exhaling honey. So what might this seeming opposite, inhaling honey exhaling blossoms point to?

    Perhaps a time for all things, a time to be honey and a time to be the flower, A time to give and a time to receive..  begs the question when does honey give and when does it receive, when does the blossom give when does it receive? The blossom giving of itself to make honey, the honey giving of itself to give the blossom meaning…  The opposites begin to fade, giving and receiving existing together in the same moment.

    Perhaps joined in this paradox the blossom can revel in the joy of being a blossom? (I loved the book ‘A Dogs Purpose’. many mistake all the things the dog does through its many lives as its purpose but the reality was the Dogs’ purpose was being a Dog all the things it did it did because is was it embraced being true to its Dog nature)

    The above is a example of meditation and contemplation on what arises, at least my version of it.  Or perhaps its active imagination.. All good.

    Even that little exercise above left me feeling calmer some how. Perhaps I too could be a blossom? Perhaps that is enough in this moment when the world seems so dark… so I thank you for that.

     

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Peter.
    February 25, 2022 at 12:13 pm in reply to: I Feel So Rejected By Men #393753
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi HoneyBlossom

    How to meditate? I m sure if you search just on this site alone you will find many methods and advice  Better then I could give and each person is different so like all things the first step is to start. There is no wrong way. Actually that is one peace of advice I could offer – try not to label, measure judge… your attempts to meditate as that will most certainly increase the monkey mind – Trying to quite ones inner thoughts can amplify them, the more we try to stop them the more we unintentionally cling to them. The intention is to notice the thoughts and let them pass without attaching to them. (Some might say the intention is to not have any thoughts but that too is a thought and if attached to, well your back to were you started)

    There is also contemplation which is similar but a little different then meditation. In contemplation you might find a quite space and contemplate this sadness you experience. This is a heart exercise not a head one, more listening then filling the space with thoughts.  A kind of silent “prayer” that is truly silent. No pleading, no hoping, no if only’s, just a listing to the heart.

    I like your Avatar name ‘HoneyBlossom’  Why did you choose it?

    If you found a quite space, got comfortable, and breathed in and out those words Honey, Blossom, Honey, Blossom and then sat in contemplative silence for a while , listening, what do you feel?
    What does your naming of yourself say about your true self?
    Could you bring that feeling with you as you engage with the stuff of life?

    February 22, 2022 at 10:58 am in reply to: I Feel So Rejected By Men #393363
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi HoneyBlossom

    Never say never as they say which I know isn’t helpful and in a way makes the problem even more difficult:  How does one stay open to opportunity while accepting what is in the moment.

    My own experience is that the older I get the more I am convinced that relationship with another as I imagine one could be… isn’t meant for me.  In other words I have become set in my ways and I suspect it would take a very understanding, patient, centered woman that wanted to take the time…

    Sorry off track… Søren Kierkegaard noted that “The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you’ll never have.” this I believe is at the heart of such sadness of accepting what we cannot forget hoping for and dreaming of. And so we mourn never really accepting what we have accepted.

    Stuck in such a loop  how could someone not be sad.

    My hope is that by recognizing that one is in such a loop is the first step to getting out of it. And like a getting stuck in a rip tide the more you struggle the more time one spends under water.  A practice of mediation may help.
    In this practice one can feel ones sadness without ‘being’ sad. (You have the emotion of sadness but you are not your emotions.) There is a time for all things – even times of feeling sad.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Peter.
    February 14, 2022 at 12:54 pm in reply to: Searching For Stillness, Uninvolved parents and Now I am a lost adult #392749
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Zita

    There is a lot of chaos inside me and I keep searching for that stillness.

    Like to take another shot at this.

    Stillness isn’t something one can find by searching for it…
    One can be still – Contemplate the difference between searching and being..

    Before Meditation repeat these words
    “I ask of my soul, be still and wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love, for love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith, but the faith and the love are all in the waiting. Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought: So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.” ― T.S. Eliot

    February 9, 2022 at 1:55 pm in reply to: Panic at Last Thoughts determining Rebirth #392533
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Kilian

    I heard that the last thoughts one has determine one’s rebirth

    The Tibetan: “Liberation in the Intermediate State Through Hearing”) also called Tibetan Book of the Dead does imply Karma is a factor in rebirth.  Perhaps ones Karma could be influenced by ones last thoughts or one last thoughts could be a indication of ones Karma. That said OCD thoughts would not count as last thoughts as they tend to be more surface noise then what one really thinks and believes, ones true thoughts.  That’s even difficult to ‘know‘ for the most enlightened person

    Note; I do not believe Karma has anything to do with Justice, Reward, Punishment all of which belong to the world of ego and measurement. Such things don’t exist in nature.

    Karma or Action suggest that what we do, who we are has consequence. Kick a rock and you break your toe. Breaking your tow isn’t Karma, though it may be the result of ones Karma. As in what made you think, and act on that thinking, that kicking a rock was a good idea.

    For me Karma is related to the idea the “We see/experience the world as we are not as it is“.  Ones karma acting like glasses through which we see and expect to see. Similarly Einstein’s Statement – “No Problem Can Be Solved From The Same Level Of Consciousness That Created It” – ones karma in away is related to one level of consciousness. We are attracted to our level. Thus in the progression of the life cycle – birth – death – rebirth one tendency to to be attracted to what we know, ones level of awareness while fearing the other higher levels .  (even though or maybe because the higher levels are so bright)

    I view the life cycle of Birth – Death – Rebirth as the reality of each breathe we take. Meaning each breath is a opportunity to be reborn into a higher level and sadly lower one.  I would argue that every major even minor life change is a kind of dying. Many changes require the letting go of ego, control and that always feels like a dying to the ego. How we manage that change, that death ‘determines’ our ‘Rebirth.

    From that perspective if one believes that cycle is repeated after one physically dies one will have had a lot of practice during ones life time to calmly embrace the light and not to fear it. As a last thought that might be a pretty good one.

     

    January 31, 2022 at 10:53 am in reply to: My notion of truth #392119
    Peter
    Participant

    Gautama sits under the tree and achieves enlightenment and in that moment is given a choice to remain in nirvana or return (as all hero’s must) to teach what cannot be taught. Gautama knew that most would relate to the teachings as if they were the destination mistaking the map for the  territory. (even as all of the teachings warn not to do that)
    I’ve often thought that such a paradox would be enough to boot one right out of nirvana and into frustration. Still the Buddha agrees to return and teach as a enlightened one and I wonder if this is why he laughs.

    I’ve also wondered about all those Zen stories where the Buddha teaches and someone hearing becomes immediately enlightened in that moment. I imagen this now enlightened person looking into the Buddha eyes to mark the moment – maybe the Buddha gives him a wink or some other form of recognition… but then the Buddha winks at everyone. I imagen this now enlightened person waking out of the temple, perhaps in a state of contentment, maybe even bliss and then stepping in dog poop.  I wonder if this person remains enlightened? I wonder if this is why the Buddha is so often depicted as laughing.

    “Before one studies Zen, mountains are mountains and waters are waters; after a first glimpse into the truth of Zen, mountains are no longer mountains and waters are no longer waters; after enlightenment, mountains are once again mountains and waters once again waters.” Dogen

    January 27, 2022 at 11:45 am in reply to: How to Cope With Old Feelings #391905
    Peter
    Participant

    Canary

    I believe this is what I am doing! The person that hurt me explicitly stated that they felt no remorse for their actions, so I think I am holding onto that because I am hoping that they can feel guilty for their actions… and that is the reason I feel so much anger/sadness.

    Their is another the Art of Forgiveness: The decision to tell the person you are working on forgiving that they are forgiven as thier is a possibility they will react negatively – saying things like I don’t need your forgiveness, I didn’t do any thing wrong, what are you accusing me off – ‘sticking a finger’ into the wound your working on healing.

    My feelings are that the practice of forgiveness is very personal and about the practitioner. It is a practice that helps the wounded heal. There is of course a practice of asking forgiveness and all that that entails however the two practices are not the same thing.  Then their is the whole learning to Forgive oneself process… Oh how we make our lives difficult

    Be kind to yourself as you work your way through your past. As mentioned I still fall for the trap of hanging on to my hurt and anger, my victimization, thinking that by doing so I am punishing the one that hurt me. If I take a breath I usually notice  and let it go, even have a laugh at myself.

    January 27, 2022 at 8:12 am in reply to: Is there anyone kind enough to give me some advice? #391895
    Peter
    Participant

    As a person that tends to live in my head, I get it Greg
    The tendency to project my insecurities in to silences between encounters with others… what if they think this or that about me, what if, what if…

    Being able to communicate clearly and establishing healthy boundaries can help. Sadly most of us haven’t been taught how to commutate skillfully in such situations.  (just knowing what ones boundaries, making them conscious, is not a easy task.)

    Under similar circumstances a philosopher Tom Morris gave me the following advice or rule. The rule of Charity. The rule of Charity states that if you experience a event and thier are multiple possible explanations and you have no way of determining which is the correct explanations or you have decide not to take the time to determine which is the correct explanation then choose the better explanation.

    It is possible that this woman is interested in you, enjoys making new acquittances,  likes communicating with people from around the world, pities you, is setting you up for some scam, is a murder looking for the next victim… 🙂
    So many what if’s!

    You could ask her about each of those possibilities to determine which is true..    or you could choose to pick the most kindest explanation which in this case may be she finds you interesting.

    When your not engaged with your insecurities your projecting on the interaction you seem to be  your enjoying the interactions so why can’t that be enough in the present moment? Tomorrow will bring what tomorrow will bring.

    As for the question ‘Why do you find it easier to engage with those farther away and or online (virtually) and not closer at hand in the real world… A problem many today have… i
    Asking myself that question I might wonder if I find it easier. That a virtual connection that doesn’t work out wont hurt as much as a connection where I actually interacted with the person in the ‘real’ world doesn’t. Especially if I might run into them from time to time. But that’s me

    January 26, 2022 at 2:35 pm in reply to: How to Cope With Old Feelings #391881
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Canary

    My experience of forgiveness is that it isn’t something we do once and then as if by magic all the hurt memory’s and feelings are gone. Forgiveness is a skill and process that requires practice – perhaps better to say Forgiveness is a practice like… meditation. If you ever tried meditation you might have notice that some attempts go better then others and that ok, there will always be more opportunities to practice 🙂

    I found it helpful to note that forgiveness does not mean a person is no longer responsible or accountable for thier actions. It means we can hold them accountable without having to attach to our anger and hurt. We experience hurt and anger vice ‘I am’ hurt…

    Forgiveness is more of practice of “forgetting” as in not dwelling on the memory. When we notice we are dwelling we practice  acknowledging the feelings and letting them go/flow.
    Forgiveness is a practice of forgoing as in letting go the desire to ‘hurt back’ and or the imagining of ‘if only’, a attempt to change the past and force it to comply to your will your control (almost always ego) . The next time you are experiencing these painful memories and emotions ask yourself if a part of you could be doing so with the subconscious hope that by holding on to your pain you are punishing the one you hurt? (I can tell you that does not work but I still fall for that trap)

    It might also be helpful to remind yourself that when you find yourself in the moments when the memory arise that it is the memory that is recreating the emotions, not the specific event that happened in the specific space and time. And memory my friend is a trickster. When a experience moves to memory it is no longer the experience as it was, as we have likely projected a lot of our shadow onto it.

    I agree with Anita that quality therapy could help you identify your ‘old feelings’. These feelings will likely still arise from time to time, but with help, the amount of time hold onto them will lesson until the day you will just notice – hello old friends, I see you,  I do not wish to dwell today. I have memories I am not my memories, I have emotions, I am not my emotions….  Oh look I see what in the present has triggered the memory… I also see that this present is not that experience in the past… I have taken what I have learned from the past and better able to deal with what is happening now…

     

    January 26, 2022 at 12:59 pm in reply to: Is there anyone kind enough to give me some advice? #391880
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Greg
    I don’t do the Instagram thing so don’t know much the expected etiquette (Just googled that and apparently thier are a lot of suggested rules)

    We live in a world with a lot of focus on immediate gratification. I.E when we text or such we desire a immediate response and become agitated (making up what if stories) when that desire isn’t met.  But why should that be?

    Not that long ago persons in your situation would write letters with weeks in between. The anticipation of receiving a letter can be enjoyable….

    In your shoes I might approach the Instagram thing the same way. This will require you to be able to communicate your boundaries.  Let her know you would like to continue communicating with her without the expectation of immediate responses… as if you were writing letters a suitable delay could be agreed on.
    And perhaps a promise that if either of you wish to stop the communication you will let each other know. (no ghosting)

    In Buddhist terms – What is causing you the headache is your desire and attachment to wanting what you want right now which has very little to do with this woman. She isn’t giving you the headache your are… Imagine enjoying the communications without such attachments.

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