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RIkki

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  • August 10, 2020 at 5:10 am #364282
    RIkki
    Participant

    Thanks, Anita.

    Yeah. I have no desire to change him or the relationship, but you are totally correct in picking up on my irritation with the lack of respect for my schedule. Sometimes it’s just helpful to hear back from other people what this all sounds like. I’m thinking now that I’m just going to take a break from trying to get together with him. If he happens to contact me when I’m free (which is not that often) and I feel like seeing him, I will, but right now I just find him less attractive becasue of all of this, especially since he has a child himself (without custody though) and should really understand this after a year of us seeing each other.

    So of course I don’t really  have to decide anything because I can contact him if I really want to, but I think maybe my energy is better directed to other people I’m seeing, even though I do really enjoy his company. What a shame.

    Thanks!

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by RIkki.
    August 9, 2020 at 7:42 pm #364265
    RIkki
    Participant

    Hi Rose of Yellow.

    Thank you for the response. I think you missed part of what I’m sayign because youre Plan C is in fact my Plan B, which is for me to contact him whenever I’m available and my kids are with their father. Also, although Ihear what you’re saying, truly, I am not concerned about whether or not he likes me. It’s a very practical thing. I’m concerned about what is the effective way to be able to see him becuase I like him. (I know he likes me and will continue to like me regardless of what I do in this regard). I’m just trying to decide if I should just A. continue to say no when it doesn’t work for me but also just pull back and let him figure it out when he doesn’t get to see me at all- OR- B. continue to say no when it doesn’t work for me but also feel free to contact him when it does work for me. (In that case, he will still benefit from being able to see me, but so will I)

    Anita,

    Also, thank you so much for taking the time to  write. To answer your questions:

    1. I don’t work at home normally, but during the pandemic I do. Sometimes my teenager is home and can watch her little brother.

    2. “Cave in” means scramble to figure out a way to get a babysitter, etc. at the last minute, which I have done.

    August 9, 2020 at 5:58 am #364167
    RIkki
    Participant

    Would it be acceptable to you —at least as a first step—for him to just not smoke around you? I don’t think it’s wise to believe you can make someone change something like that. It has to come from him and I don’t think it is an easy thing at all, regardless of your age. I don’t have as big a problem with smoking as you do, but it is a huge turn-off to me, so men I date who smoke know they can’t smoke around me. If we’re outside and they can go a little farther away, fine, but they certainly can’t smoke inside with me, where I will ahve the smell on my clothes, etc. and if we’re going to kiss or anything, they better have gum because it tastes awful! Lol. Anyway, it’s important not to ignore your feelings and to make sure they are known and respected, but you also can’t change someone nor can you expect them to make that big a change JUST because you want them to, especially in the context of such a short relationship thus far.

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