Hello melon80. I’m truly sorry to read of what you’ve gone through and what you are currently going through with your father and stepmother. Two things i picked up on in your first post: 1) Your life has been endangered in the past due to pain caused by your father. 2) you actually asked in the first post “…Or is it ok for me to go with my feelings and say No…”

That second part is a question many children of abusive parents find themselves asking. Last year I was in a bad situation myself. Becoming more and more suicidal. Eventually i realised my mother was the trigger. I decided that my life was more important to me than continuing contact with my mother. It hurts, but i know i will not go back. There is guilt… Last week she emailed me to say her father had died. Previously i was my mother’s only outlet for emotional support (venting her hate, really) – so I found myself worried for my mother, that she wouldnt have anyone to talk with. But you know why she has nobody to talk with now? Because she isn’t nice. I let myself feel the guilt and the burden of responsibility my mother trained me to have… and I didnt contact her. The feelings of guilt passed.

The only way the confusion ever started to clear for me with regards to the terrible abuse i’ve suffered at the hands of my family of origin, was after i started learning about narcissistic abuse. Learning about what narcissism truly is, has helped me to blame myself less. Basically, I am 34 and only beginning to awaken. My life is beginning.

I would say not only is it ‘ok’ for you to go with your feelings melon – it is imperative. This is your life at stake. You are the guardian of your own life. That is not a job to be taken lightly.

Best wishes.

Kia Kaha – Stay strong!