I started this post a few days ago under my real name and then changed I felt too vulnerable. But otherwise no.

Thank you GL.  Interesting that you should bring this up, as I stumbled across a documentary on this very topic a few days ago.  I can relate to some aspects.

What I find is that I am attracted most intensely to a caring sensitive person.  I need a lot of nurturing.  I crave it…She is not able to provide the nurturing that I need.   I don’t know if anyone can.  So I have been trying to learn how to nurture myself.  I think I am doing quite well in some ways.  But I crave it from a lover.

The thing is, it is not only the physical aspect.  There is also an emotional block.  I don’t know if the reason I am wanting physical intimacy is because there are things about her that I don’t like .  For instance, I am adventurous and she is not – she doesn’t like to try new things (food, hobbies etc).  I find her to be rigid.  I have told her this, and then felt bad because I a, trying to change her.

Remember I said she is stable?  She is more grounded than me.  Is that what I need?  Because it is not necessarily what I want ?

I’m sure it has created a block.

No.  I have no problem experiencing joy…especially in nature. I just returned from a labrynth walk.  I’m at a retreat center, spending lots of time in contemplation.

Gareth I also found your response helpful. Please feel free to comment further Inky and Gareth.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by Prairie light.

Thanks Anita,

She has not been guilting me I don’t think, up til this point I guess – because she is really angry (?). Physical intimacy has never been frequent.  I have struggled in this arena for as long as I can remember and feel that this struggle will rear its head in any relationship I may have. She has been aware of my struggles all along. I have had 2 relationships in my 52 years where there was intense attraction at the beginning (note…I pursued her), which fades quite early on.  In the first case, it was a short relationship and she broke up with me.  I was still in love with her (at least I though I was).  With my current partner I left the person I was with to be with her – emotional affair I guess.  That relationship was with someone who was very nurturing but there was never any physical or even emotional attraction.  I have bipolar disorder and was in an elevated emotional state when my current relationship began and it was VERY intense.  She was wary of starting a relationship with me because it was clearly a rebound relationship and she wanted to take it slower than I did. I have been stable for 11 years as I started on the right medication.  There is a lot more detail that I could give which would take a very long time, and I would rather do it more privately (which it sounds like is not possible through this forum).

I have noticed that you respond to almost everyone on this forum, and am amazed! You give very sound advice.  I wonder if you are a professional counsellor actually – not expecting you to answer whether or not you are.

thanks for caring

Ruth

I think you hit the nail on the head.  She did say to me something to that effect ( I wish I could remember her exact words).