First off I accidentally refreshed the page and lost all the words I’d done grrrrrrrrrrr!

She is still looking for, hoping for a way out, someone to take me into their big arms and protect me, care for me.. to feel safe in their pure, no-strings-attached embrace (ahh.. how does it feel?)

I don’t really know how that feels.  I’ve read a bit about loving one’s self but that doesn’t happen for me.  I’ll settle for feeling strongly about the things that are good about myself.  It’s an emotion that generally is in a person because they were bonded with their mother figure (that could be a male also) when a baby or small child.  Can’t really go back, can we?

“Not suggesting you had butt coyotes regularly as a diversion!“– haha aka lol.

You could take up an extreme and life threatening sport to fill in the anxiety gaps lolll!

SadSoul will be upset with me, she will be angry!

Don’t ever worry about me being angry.  I don’t get angry very often.  It’s an emotion I haven’t been able to feel.  It protects us, causes us to react to a situation in an active way to stop it from hurting us.  Not being allowed to protect myself from the parentals / relatives / etc while growing up might be why I don’t feel that emotion.

“We can actively turn it around, but it takes a very long time, and a great deal of commitment with only very small improvements that sometimes aren’t very obvious“– said so perfectly. So, here I am afraid, afraid of you, SadSoul, a person who never hurt me, afraid of you because she has hurt me.

In time I think you’ll move past being afraid, just have to spend time experiencing, and your fears will fade as time proves you don’t need to protect yourself.  Being afraid is a protective emotion.

agony pie, what a unique, original wording. Again, it’s the Mindfulness principle, focusing on the here-and-now, and in so doing, distracting oneself from the anxiety that’s about the there-and-then being on repeat.

I also watched every single season of Pretty Little Liars.  I hated it so much.  It made me angry hahahahahaha!!!  Not really.  Okay it annoyed me immensely.  But I watched it because it was better than the awful emotional state I was in, it was a distraction I could give myself, so I did.

this is making me smile, I wonder if you laughed since..?

No laughs since but have felt like there is a ray of sunshine in most days.  So much improve on where I was at a month ago.  Have you laughed?  Or smiled?

I think it helps to have some kind of contact with people.  To share our experiences gives a feeling of understanding.  It creates value in us?  It does for me anyway.  I’ll go and imagine your day filled with walking down coyote strewn by-ways, boldly frightening bears back to their porridge, taking your basket of cake to grandma!  No wolfie will trick you into picking flowers!

Hi Michelle

My father died three years ago. We have similarities in our situations. I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone with these feelings. I understand a lot of them. It’s normal and you’re allowed to feel them.

As with everything, time helps. I hope you’re doing a bit better now.