Hi Michelle,

Reading your story I felt like it was my own, and I couldn’t help but reach out. I’m also an only child, dealing with my dads end of life to cancer. I’m not sure how much time he has-sometimes he says 6 months sometimes he says 3 years It’s painful because I just want to know exactly when. I’ve been waiting almost 15 years sense he got diagnosed and it’s still going on, I feel selfish because I shouldn’t even be thinking that. But I just see him get sicker and sicker and I hate it. He is also to only parent I have in my life…It’s a journey that’s filled with a whirlwind of emotions that are hard to explain. It’s been tough to find a balance between the good and bad memories, and at times, the guilt over our past distance weighs heavily. I stumbled upon your words while searching for ways to cope, hoping to connect with someone who understands this unique blend of feelings. Your experience resonated deeply with me, and I wonder if we might share our coping mechanisms and thoughts on navigating this challenging time. How have you been handling this, especially by yourself, I feel that is a very hard part for me to grasp sense I have no one. Have you found any strategies to managing guilt and making peace? 

Dear Angie

I am sorry that you are struggling with the unpredictability of your father cancer journey and that your relationship with him has & is not always how you want it to be.

My mum & I had an interesting relationship some times quite volatile verbally. Anyway in 2011 she a mole/growth removed from her hand it was cancerous. Many years later in 2016 it came back as a lump at the top of her arm which she found just after I had gone into a 3 month retreat in her kindness she instructed that I was not to be told until I came out on her birthday 1 June. when I heard I told my children that whatever Nan wants Nan gets & I tried to hold to that sentiment over the next 5 years of her life til her death from the cancer re-occurring.  Her final 5 days in hospital were peaceful and I was able to tell her I love her & thanked her for all that she had done for me & my family and how much she had helped people in our community.

Kind regards

Roberta