Hi katch899

I am sorry about what you went through too. Likewise I didn’t care about money too and maybe that’s why we have being betrayed. We should care from now on and trust no one. We gave back to our parents but we didn’t even get a thank-you from them, and that’s sad.

Anyway we learn from life lessons and then keep moving forward – that’s the important thing.

Thank you for your message.

– Sam

Thanks @Anita.

Thanks @XenopusTex.

Dear Anita,

You gave me some great hints in dealing with my problem; your posts and words were very helpful and I am very thankful to you. Again, you’re a blessed person.

Last thing please, can you tell me your thoughts — from your experiences — about the correlation between “forgiving” and “forgetting”? Do they go side by side? Can “forgiving” be considered unhealthy under some situations? Can a victim of any crime “forget” without “forgive”? As an example outside the context, Can victims of rape crimes ever “forgive” their attacker or simply choose to “forget” without “forgiving”?

Hello again Anita,

I don’t think he can physically hurt me; he is a weak old man who surfer from some health issues. I am not worried about him hurting me; I am worried about me hurting him verbally and emotionally — because I will tell him what he hates to hear, including that he was jealous of me and my higher education and my money and everything I achieved during my 20s and 30s and he failed to achieve during his entire life.

I will protect myself from him. BTW he knows that I am strong and actually very logical and reasonable during tough conversations and confrontations; I am not afraid of anybody; A lot of people see me as a charismatic self-confident man and rely on me to help them out in their own problems. Two years ago when I confronted my father with his mother (please refer to my post to Pink24 above), he almost break-down and cried and said sorry to me.

I haven’t mentioned the details of that in my post to @Pink24 above but let me briefly say it now just to get it off my chest anyway.. Two years ago my father angrily told me that Mr. ABC (who is a good friend of our family) has told him that your son Sam (me) is having an illegal affair with many bad girls! Just like that! I was not having such affairs and I considered it as an attack on my reputation and social image, so I asked my father: Did you believe Mr. ABC? and he said: (Yes I do, he is my best friend and he is an old gentleman who never tell lies).. So I went over and confronted Mr. ABC face-to-face, and to my shock he denied the whole story altogether. I wished to die that day! I really wished so! MY FATHER IS A LIAR AND HE IS TRYING TO DESTROY MY LIFE. I asked Mr. ABC to confront my father back which he thankfully did and rebuked him badly. My father felt ashamed but did not attempt to say sorry to me.. So I escalated the subject to his mother, my grandmother, and told her the whole story. She loves me without limits, so she stood by my side against her son, my father, and she actually warned him that he is not her son anymore if he do not fix this with me. Ultimately my father found himself in a tight corner and apologized to me and shed a few tears.

Back to you Anita, Yes I can easily get a job overseas again and I don’t see an issue on that. I have a master degree in Information Systems Technology and a solid work experience in software development in top companies including Oracle — a giant American corporation.

To sum up, I think my father’s weak point now is that past experience of Mr. ABC and all its witnesses including his mom, but his main strong point right now would be that I am financially broke and hence I am trying to blackmail him or something! That is expected from him, so as a precaution I may consider confronting him after I get a job overseas again — which I am expecting to happen soon. Its complicated.

Thank you Anita

Hi Pink24,

OMG! Your story is just a copy of mine with little differences! I also cut off all ties with my father two years ago but only for a short time. I went to India for business/study for just 3 months and never called my father and the whole family during that period ever, for the first time ever. I disconnected myself completely. It wasn’t something easy or normal for me and them since whenever and wherever I travel I used to call them every week just to say hi and salaam alykom. But I was very angry with my father again (due to other issues, not the major story I wrote above). When I came back home 3 months later I confronted my father about those issues and also told his mother, my grandmother, about how badly he was treating me. Fortunately, my grandmother stood by my side against my father and actually got very angry with him; she even told him something bold like (if you don’t treat your son right, you’re not my son anymore)! It was big, and my father shocked and apologized to me, and I agreed to open a new page with him after I laid down rules to govern our relationships (Dos and Don’ts — just like children). Yet, like in your own story Pink, trust issues came up again shortly after that day, and I thought, well, nothing changed or will ever change with my father.

Its difficult with our society and families and I totally agree with your words: “This world is tough enough without such difficulties”.

Anyway, good for you that you ended it smoothly and smartly yet also made yourself available for them if they ever need you. That’s beautiful. I wonder like crazy if I could do the same!

Thank you Pink. Your words were indeed helpful.

Hi Pink24,

Thanks a lot for your kind words and I am sorry you experienced something similar with your mother, in the same middle-eastern culture.

Regarding your advice, I am already in a very limited contact with my father although we live under the same roof; I kept avoiding him during the last few years; I haven’t spoken with him this month at all since he told me he has my money; of course he didn’t say its my money but you get the point.

I already asked Anita this question but I would love to hear your viewpoint too: should I go BIG and confront my father, perhaps invite some close family members to join-in in resolving this situation, and then if things went wrong I can, well, take my own separate path in life like you said? Any ideas on that? If you don’t mind sharing, how cutting off all ties with your own mother helped you and to what extend?

Once more thank a lot.