Thank you so much for replying in such detail, Anita.

In regards to the New Mother Friend – we message each other frequently throughout the day; well, that has been our pattern for years. She has continued this since the birth of the baby, and I of course understand the demands of a new baby – I was merely following the pattern of contact. I am very careful not to appear demanding or whatever, I respect that people have things to do. I was returning a call she’d made an hour previous (I was asleep), and then she sent me that message. I just feel that sometimes she thinks she’s above me, and I know she doesn’t speak to other people in the same way.

Her and I have a difficult history. She hasn’t treated me well, to the point that partners I’ve had have been concerned about her and the effects she has on my wellbeing. She often blocks me and tells people in her life (other friends, partner, family members) things about me, to the point that none of them like me and her boyfriend despises me, even though I’ve never even met him. She does this about other people to ME, sometimes. She acts as if people are really hurting her and whatever, and plays the victim often. I am by no means perfect, but she is very difficult (several people have told her this about herself, and she often loses friends – apart from me, I can’t think of another person she is in contact with regularly). I accept negative criticisms of myself, but she doesn’t. She blames others for her actions.

As for the guy; yes, I thought it was rude too. I was paranoid for a good few days after he said that; was I some sort of scruffy, unkempt person? But then I knew he was just being rude – I also didn’t understand what the relevance was, mentioning my appearance. He wears the same clothes often, too. I just don’t get it.

I really try my best to stay away from rude people. Life is quite short, and who wants to spend it forever dealing with these people? I don’t. I’m curious to hear about the behaviours you mentioned, though.

Hi,

No, I was told that the anxiety was coming from worrying about what to say to me, the worry of messing things up, and other things that he didn’t elaborate on. The comment about my appearance came when I expressed I’d like to keep hanging out, how I’d enjoyed his company ad perhaps we could see where things went with each other. On that particular occasion, I’d worn the same top twice in a row; something I never usually do, but I was pressed for time and I’d also made sure it was clean as I wouldn’t have just thrown the same top on. He replied to my comment that I wasn’t making an effort because Id had the same top on and it was a turn off, also that, while the chemistry is ‘undeniable’, that I’m not his usual type, as well as reiterating his stance of anxiety, inner problems, etc. That was the last time I tried to bring anything up to him.

I understand that he doesn’t owe me anything now, but it doesn’t change how I feel about things.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by Sammy.