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[quote quote=461582]Hi again, Nami:
I’m rereading your 2 earlier posts as well as the 3rd. So, this is the sequence of what happened:
He stopped calling you and didn’t talk as much => You posted a sexual tweet just to make him jealous => He dumped you at the restaurant table while he was on a date with his new gf => He sent you a pic with him and her on a date -> He sent you a text saying he’s going to bed with her.
What happened first- him stopping calling and talking as much- suggests he was pulling away emotionally, losing interest, or becoming involved elsewhere.
His actions while at the restaurant and after, go far beyond simply ending a relationship. They were vindictive and cruel. And I’m sorry that they were, Nami
If the goal was only to break up, he could have said, “I’m seeing someone else” and left it at that. Sending the photo and the message about going to bed with her appear designed to deliver maximum emotional pain.
And texting you about 2 weeks after the breakup, checking in without a follow-through, appear to be about him wanting to know if his efforts to maximize your emotional pain are still successful.
* What motivates him? Here are a few possibilities that are not mutually exclusive:
1. Revenge or retaliation- if he saw your sexual tweet as an attempt to make him jealous, he may have felt angry, humiliated, or challenged. Sending the photo with the new girlfriend and telling you that he was going to bed with her could have been a way of saying, “You tried to make me jealous? I’ll hurt you worse.”
2. Desire to feel powerful- some people feel powerful when they can strongly affect another person’s emotions. If he is an insecure person, seeing that he can make you jealous, hurt, upset, or desperate can temporarily boost his ego, make him feel powerful.
3. Validation-seeking- the later “Hi, just wanted to see how you’re doing” doesn’t seem aimed at rebuilding anything. Sometimes people reach out because they want reassurance that they still matter. In simple terms, he may have been checking: “Is she still thinking about me?” “Do I still have an emotional effect on her?” When you answered calmly and politely, there was nothing dramatic for him to engage with, so he lost interest.
4. Immaturity- some people simply do not know how to end relationships respectfully. Instead of saying: “I lost feelings and I’m seeing someone else,” they act out, show off, provoke reactions, and create drama. That doesn’t excuse the behavior, of course, but sometimes the explanation is less ‘master manipulator’ and more “emotionally immature person handling a breakup badly.’
5. Splitting people into winners and losers- some individuals approach relationships competitively. Instead of:
“We’re hurting and breaking up,” their mindset becomes: “I won. You lost.” Sending photos of a new gf and saying he was going to bed with her can be a way of establishing that ‘victory.’Whether his motive was revenge, ego, curiosity, power, or immaturity, the common thread is a lack of empathy for you
What do you think, Nami?
Anita[/quote]
Thank you for your response. I completely agree with the things that you said.
I’ll def not be forgiving him if he texts me again in the future. I will ignore him.[quote quote=461444]I hope you’re okay, Nami.
How are you?
Anita[/quote]He texted me out of nowhere saying “hi just wanted to see how you doing” so I said “I’m doing fine thanks” and he didnt respond or anything. Do you think he wanted me to say negative stuff or hear that I’m hurt so that’s why he messaged me? Was he testing me? Definitely I won’t be going back nor would forgive him for what he did by the way.
[quote quote=461396]I’m sorry you’re hurting, Nami.
Sending you a photo of himself on a date with a new girlfriend, breaking up with you while already out with someone else, and then appearing publicly affectionate so soon afterward would leave many people feeling shocked and replaceable.
Honestly, none of us can know if the tweet was the reason or just an excuse. The truth is that nobody outside the relationship can know whether he had emotionally checked out long before the breakup, whether he met the new girlfriend shortly beforehand, or whether the tweet genuinely upset him. People who want to leave a relationship sometimes point to a specific incident as the reason, even when their dissatisfaction began earlier.
Right now, I think blocking him was the best thing you could do. It’s a healthy step because every new photo reopens the wound and makes it harder to grieve the relationship.
Try not to focus on whether he cheated or why he left. Focus on taking care of yourself and giving the pain time to settle. It’s only been a week, so it’s normal to still miss the good times.
Anita[/quote]Should I never contact him ever again? Someone I know said he must have been cheating while we’re together because you can’t just get a gf on one day like magic. Also I noticed he stopped calling me and became way less talkative which could mean be has already been talking to her behind my back. He even sent me a text saying he’s going to bed with her on the same day he broke up with me. I think he was toxic.
