I’m sorry you’re hurting, Nami. 💛

Sending you a photo of himself on a date with a new girlfriend, breaking up with you while already out with someone else, and then appearing publicly affectionate so soon afterward would leave many people feeling shocked and replaceable.

Honestly, none of us can know if the tweet was the reason or just an excuse. The truth is that nobody outside the relationship can know whether he had emotionally checked out long before the breakup, whether he met the new girlfriend shortly beforehand, or whether the tweet genuinely upset him. People who want to leave a relationship sometimes point to a specific incident as the reason, even when their dissatisfaction began earlier.

Right now, I think blocking him was the best thing you could do. It’s a healthy step because every new photo reopens the wound and makes it harder to grieve the relationship.

Try not to focus on whether he cheated or why he left. Focus on taking care of yourself and giving the pain time to settle. It’s only been a week, so it’s normal to still miss the good times.

🌷 Anita

Hi Nami:

That on the day he broke up with you, he sent you a pic of him and a new gf on a date, plus, a text saying he’s going to bed with her, suggests to me that his intent was to make you feel badly, to upset you, to hurt you.

You wrote that you think he was toxic- the behavior I just mentioned was indeed toxic.

Your friend said, “You can’t just get a girlfriend on one day like magic”-

The timing of him getting a new girlfriend is unlikely to be true- that he would manage to have the time and the state of mind to start a new romantic relationship on the very same day that he broke up with you.

So, in my mind, like your friend suggested, he’s been cheating.. or maybe, it was all a show (the pic and text at the restaurant, and the pics on discord) meant to hurt you, to produce that “punch on the gut” that you mentioned in your original post.

What do you think, Nami?

🤔 Anita

Hi Nami,

If OK, sending a great big safe healing hug to you.

Annie

Hi Nami:

I wouldn’t know his motivation, or motivations, but what you brought up is a possibility. His behavior earlier shows a clear intent to hurt your feelings, so he may have called you to see if you’re still hurt, for his satisfaction.

Or maybe the whole thing was a show (like I suggested in my earlier message) aimed at hurting you after he was hurt by that tweet, and a few days later, he calmed down and wants to get back together. Do you think that’s a possibility?

Anita

Hi again, Nami:

I’m rereading your 2 earlier posts as well as the 3rd. So, this is the sequence of what happened:

He stopped calling you and didn’t talk as much => You posted a sexual tweet just to make him jealous => He dumped you at the restaurant table while he was on a date with his new gf => He sent you a pic with him and her on a date -> He sent you a text saying he’s going to bed with her.

What happened first- him stopping calling and talking as much- suggests he was pulling away emotionally, losing interest, or becoming involved elsewhere.

His actions while at the restaurant and after, go far beyond simply ending a relationship. They were vindictive and cruel. And I’m sorry that they were, Nami 😔

If the goal was only to break up, he could have said, “I’m seeing someone else” and left it at that. Sending the photo and the message about going to bed with her appear designed to deliver maximum emotional pain.

And texting you about 2 weeks after the breakup, checking in without a follow-through, appear to be about him wanting to know if his efforts to maximize your emotional pain are still successful.

* What motivates him? Here are a few possibilities that are not mutually exclusive:

1. Revenge or retaliation- if he saw your sexual tweet as an attempt to make him jealous, he may have felt angry, humiliated, or challenged. Sending the photo with the new girlfriend and telling you that he was going to bed with her could have been a way of saying, “You tried to make me jealous? I’ll hurt you worse.”

2. Desire to feel powerful- some people feel powerful when they can strongly affect another person’s emotions. If he is an insecure person, seeing that he can make you jealous, hurt, upset, or desperate can temporarily boost his ego, make him feel powerful.

3. Validation-seeking- the later “Hi, just wanted to see how you’re doing” doesn’t seem aimed at rebuilding anything. Sometimes people reach out because they want reassurance that they still matter. In simple terms, he may have been checking: “Is she still thinking about me?” “Do I still have an emotional effect on her?” When you answered calmly and politely, there was nothing dramatic for him to engage with, so he lost interest.

4. Immaturity- some people simply do not know how to end relationships respectfully. Instead of saying: “I lost feelings and I’m seeing someone else,” they act out, show off, provoke reactions, and create drama. That doesn’t excuse the behavior, of course, but sometimes the explanation is less ‘master manipulator’ and more “emotionally immature person handling a breakup badly.’

5. Splitting people into winners and losers- some individuals approach relationships competitively. Instead of:
“We’re hurting and breaking up,” their mindset becomes: “I won. You lost.” Sending photos of a new gf and saying he was going to bed with her can be a way of establishing that ‘victory.’

Whether his motive was revenge, ego, curiosity, power, or immaturity, the common thread is a lack of empathy for you 😔🌷

What do you think, Nami?

Anita

You are welcome, Nami.

I guess you got to know him much more during and after the breakup than you did during the relationship..?

I hope that you heal and recover from this painful experience and that you won’t let him back in (if he tries).

Please feel free to post here again, anytime you want to talk about this (or anything).

Anita

How are you, Nami?

🤍 Anita