Hi Joanna,

I just finished reading through your posts and I want to start off by saying – without a doubt you are a good person. All you want are good things. Good things for yourself and good things for other people. That’s what good people do!

If you don’t mind me offering my “2 cents” here – maybe it would be a good thing if you were not in a relationship right now? The reason I say this is because what you are really looking for is inside you. It’s not going to be found outside of who you are, so you certainly will not find it in another person. Take some time to get to know yourself, and appreciate all the good things about you. Trust me when I say this – there are many good things about you. I can tell. You are passionate, caring, empathetic and obviously very intelligent. People can meet the person of their dreams and still be unhappy if they are unhappy with themselves.

I struggle with anxiety and low self-esteem myself. I’m not saying I have figured it out but I am happily a work-in-progress. I think it starts by feeling worthy. Worthy of all the good things that come your way. Worthy of self-love and self-appreciation. It takes time to change this kind of thinking because we accept it as “That’s the way it is”, so we fail to see it for what it really is – a misconception about ourselves. I think by being easier on ourselves and having some patience we can learn new habits and change that inner dialogue. It doesn’t happen overnight, and I don’t think it’s supposed to. So when we are trying to change a belief that voice may immediately pipe in and say something like “This isn’t going to work. We’ve tried this before and we are just not smart enough. Just quit now!” We, without knowing it, listen to that voice. Would you talk to anyone else the way you talk to yourself? Think about that for a moment. All the good you see in others is in you too.

Please know I’m not saying this to make you feel better or to be nice. I say this because it’s true. Don’t get discouraged. The path to feeling better is not perfect. But we are not looking for perfection, we want balance. So if you have a few good days, followed by a bad one that’s okay. There will be bad days. Bad days are part of life, and they are not always our fault. Also, they are not punishment because we are bad people. It sounds like the guy who was in your life may be in a similar situation. I’m sure he’s not a bad person, but based on what I’ve read he too may be having some issues with self-worth, hence why he’s treated you the way he has. The way he’s treating you has nothing to do with you, as it does with how he feels about himself. But it’s not up to you to ‘save’ him. Only he can do that.

After reading through your posts it’s very apparent that you have one more thing to be grateful for – Anita! The advice and compassion she has given you over the last few months is truly a gift. I feel like I watched a friendship start and grow right in front of me as I read through your exchanges!

Again, Joanna – you are a good person and you are worthy of a wonderful life.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Bill.