Dear Anita

Thank you so much for all the guidance. I’ve started the moving on process. I have stopped texting him. I’ve deactivated all my social media handles because apparently everybody around me is getting married to ‘love of their life’. I’m happy for them though. But I’m only a human after all! I’ve also started writing my final speech. And, I have decided to not to speak to his mother. I’ve realised it’s not my duty to try and convince HIS mother. It’s HIS duty, he should lead this front. He too knows how good of a person I am.

I would be lying if I say that I’m handling this situation pretty well. I’ve started crying in front of my family which was never the case. I used to sneakily cry in the bathroom. This pain is just too much! The mornings and the nights are especially difficult.

Dear Anita

That sounds good to me. He hasn’t taken any of my calls for the past 3 days citing different reasons. When I asked him do you really want to talk about this over text, he said he’s experiencing panic attacks (which I know are very scary). I am expecting that all of this would again happen over text also because of the huge time difference.

I’ll choose my words carefully. And yes I wish him the best for his future. He was my bestfriend. He’s been with me through thick and thin. It’s hard to imagine my life without him playing any role. That’s why I’ve asked him to take his decision wisely before its too late.

Should I be feeling betrayed? Last year when he told me about his mother not liking me, I tried to end things. I don’t know if I could’ve actually done that. I tried atleast. But he didn’t let me. He told me that he’d make everything right and his final stand was that he’s neither leaving his mother, nor me and that he would seek help of his cousins. But nothing happened! He made me stay in this relationship. Though, it was the best year for our relationship I now feel betrayed.

He knew for 6-7 months that he need to talk to his family before leaving for the U.S. but he waited till the very end. Literally, a day before. Whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he told me he will do this whenever the time is right. And that he’s too occupied with his GMAT and interviews and visa application and what not.

Writing here, it’s slowly making me realise that he kind of, sort of loves me but not enough I guess. I’m not on his priority list. The last time when we met, I asked him what are his future plans and he started talking about his career and that’s it. When I asked him that you never mention me in your future, he simply said that if he wouldn’t have a career that he has dreamt of, we wouldn’t be happy. It doesn’t really matter if I am in this equation or not. It’s either his family’s happiness or his happiness (which I guess is only the career). He wasn’t sure that his parents would ever agree to let him go and study abroad. He said he’ll go, no matter what- at any cost. I saw this passion in him which completely lacks in my case. He’s ready to fight his parents when it comes to the career but apparently not for me. I too am a career oriented woman but I also understand the importance of family and everybody who is close to me.

I should feel betrayed.

P.s.- It is our second anniversary tomorrow.

Dear Anita

He did his bachelor’s and started working for an MNC. He worked there for 3 years and now wanted to study further. This is not a traditional route for a career in his family and hence they were skeptical. Also, his father lives away from them because of his job and he’s the one taking care of his mother. He’s been taking care of her since forever. This is also the reason they didn’t want him to leave. He’s a good son though.

And I want to talk to her in person if she allows. I know what I’m getting myself into but I guess I have to take a chance.

Also, should I feel betrayed that he’s leaving me when he was the one who claimed to have loved me for 15+years and this is one of the reasons I started loving him back?

There are so many emotions running inside me. I’m taking all of this in a positive way at the moment but I know the reality would hit me soon once we stop talking altogether.

Dear Anita

I just joined this website and I realised you’re kind of a celebrity here. Everybody listens to you and you give the best replies. I was waiting for you to guide me so thank you so much for hearing me out.

I completely agree with everything you’ve said. I know it’s the end of the road for us but it’s just love makes you stupid. There are two things in my mind though- 1. Should I give him a few more days to think with an open mind since he’s dealing with anxiety because of moving to a different country? 2. We don’t know why his mother hates me so I just wanted to talk to her once so that I actually know where’s she coming from. I used to have green hair 2 years back and she especially mentioned that we want somebody with black hair (I find this comical plus I’ve dyed my hair black long time).  I feel she think I’m a crazy lady which I’m not. I want her to know how good I am as a person. Should I do that? I work in the social development sector!!!!!!!