Silent Rossi

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    Silent Rossi

    Thank you for encouraging words.

    Also I don’t think I’m asexual, I appreciate the thought.

    I have to admit, I am surprised to find the input of all three people here to be more helpful than it has any right to be.

    I’ll be on my way then. Thank you.

    Silent Rossi

    Hello, Anita.

    Regarding your question, I think it would be the same for any relationship. It is the same with a few friends I made in last years. I would be a friend for them for my own sake, and I wouldn’t expect the same from them.

    I have another very old friend with unhealthy lifestyle. When something unpleasant happens in his life or he needed help, I would help. Because it is good for him and it’s good for me. It pleases me to know that at least some people get to have support that I didn’t.

    When I asked a small (but significant for me) favor from that friend, he failed to deliver. Sure enough, people might neglect others for various and valid reasons, but at least I won’t be the worse for it.

    I think self-reliance is a virtue, and that putting any trust in a person has to be a well-observed and careful affair.

    One old guru said that love is a one-way traffic, giving without expecting anything in return. Truly, I don’t know if this is my twisted version of it.

    I would be glad to continue chugging along in my own solitude, but I found out that this is not how human nature operates. And, well, we are all humans.

    Silent Rossi

    Hello, Anita.

    My words probably looked disconcerting. I don’t have a need to discuss that part of my demons, but I am fine to talk about it, if you wish so.

    I have a deep hatred for humans. I think I had it ever since school or earlier, when I became target of fox hunt among my peers for the crime of being different.

    My limiting belief about sexuality has nothing to do with that hatred, as it only mentions me and my desires, and not other people.

    I have found out that it didn’t matter how many hours I would dedicate to meditation practice and listening to my body or mind. The hatred wouldn’t leave.

    I think that hatred is my friend. It helped me make sense of the collapsing world, it protected me from wrongdoers, it kept me company when no one else would.

    It does make my life more difficult, but as of now, my answer is just choose peace whenever I have strength for it.

    The only way it affects other people is by depriving them of my company, which isn’t such a huge loss for them, I would figure.

    My choice for compassion and peace has nothing to do with hatred. Having experienced abuse, I do not wish to walk the path of my tormentors.

    Why does my writing sound so pretentious and also old-fashioned?

    What I mean to say is, I don’t think that hatred and compassion contradict themselves. It’s just different parts of me.

    Like when you might hate a family member for some deed, but also like them because they are family and human.

    That’s best I can put it for now, without delving unnecessarily further.

    Silent Rossi

    Hello, Helcat.

    I think I am not able to answer your question about partner’s traits in any sensible manner, as I don’t have experience with partners, and anything I might think I would value are just fantasies or semi-educated guesses.

    I think most of the attractive traits do not differentiate and would look good on both genders.

    I say honesty and willingness to communicate are important. There’s no communication without honesty, and no relationship without communication.

    Silent Rossi

    Hello, Jupiter. Thank you for your reply. It is good to know other points of view.

    I do see why you would make such assumprions about myself – my story does seem like general story of a modern “involuntary celibate”, or an “insec”. A guy who idealizes women and hates them at the same time, expecting someone else to solve his life.

    I tell you true, I probably was that kind of person some five or six years ago.

    I am also disheartened every time I hear a story such as you described.

    You are right about one thing, though. I do deny women humanity, the same way I deny humanity to all people, men and women, myself included. I do struggle to keep away from extreme nihilistic views, and this is the reason why I don’t care to treat people with anything but compassion. There was already enough pain caused at the hands of people, no need to breed more of it.

    So yes, I hate people in general and I would like to think that I do treat properly every human being I interact with. It’s just that I didn’t really interact with women.

    Silent Rossi

    I do not deny that it is possible to have a meaningful connection online, but I think general audience of dating services and format of conversation doesn’t encourage it.

    I don’t think I’ve seen a profile where a girl would write anything at all. They would just upload photos and wait for messages. Nothing wrong with that – it works for them, guys do write them. Doesn’t really work for me. They say guys care only for looks, but I don’t see how that can be true.

    It just seems to me that getting rejected by ten girls in real life is a more enjoyable experience than sending similiar messages into the void and waiting days for an answer.

    I don’t think I expect some gender to be more vile than the other. My conditioning was that having sexual desire toward women is bad, and letting anyone know it is criminal offence.

    I remember there was this time when I was in a better mental state and I asked a girl out. It turned out she was married, but she took her time to thank me and to let me know that she was flattered and grateful. She seemed sincere.

    My mind won’t register such information. Sexual desire is malignant intent, and expressing it to anyone is unspeakable crime. Sounds ridiculous and silly, but to me it’s a fundamental truth about the world.

    I’m rambling too much. Please do not mind it. I think it’s pretty obvious that such issues are not to be solved by someone outside my head, and have to be found and confronted by myself.

    Silent Rossi

    Thank you for your opinions and kind words, Anita and Helcat. It is very refreshing to hear those.

    Regarding online dating – my impression of online chatting was that it consumes a lot of hours and leaves you just about where you started – with no human contact. As far as I know, population of any dating service consists mostly men, so an average guy has to battle for a girl’s attention among hundreds of other guys. I might be wrong on this, but I think online dating isn’t a good place for anyone.

    I am convinced I stand a better chance talking to an alive human being face to face rather than swiping and messaging hundreds of non-descriptive profiles.


    Even though I have no trouble speaking to and being around people, I am very much reluctant to step on the path of connecting with people of opposite gender. But hopefully I will be able to take at least few steps.

    Thank you for your attention to my problem.

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