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Stephanie

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  • #38153

    Stephanie
    Participant

    Carl,

    I am sorry to hear about your struggles. With a world and the upcoming generations becoming mroe self centered, we end up feeling like lone fish fighting a powerful upstream battle. The thing is that we do have these events of doubt and they can last a long time. We need to get out of our heads and our insecurities. This of course is easier said than done however if we find that little piece of hope, slowly, a silver lining can be achieved.

    The way to do this is to think of three things at night to be thankful for. They don’t have to be big, for example last night my three things were 1) I had the ability to get out of bed (I work in a hospital and see many of my patients not being able to do the simple act of brushing their own teeth, so this is somethign I am very thankful for) 2) I am thankful I can make coffee (I am deployed and I just got a coffee maker and this simple little thing is a huge blessing that makes me feel like I’m at home) 3) I’m thankful I have this website to get inspiration. The three things to be thankful for can be simple, to complex and it helps you see the beauty in everyday encounters.

    Another thing you should try is writing letter to yourself about what you are feeling, what you are doing, and where you would like to see yourself in a few weeks or months (goal setting. Keep this letter with you and read it 3 or 6 months later and see where you have improved areas of your life and identify strengths and weaknesses.

    Modern day society makes us so self centered we rarely do anything but think about ourselves, try to do something for a stranger, again, simplicity is key. you can smile at a stranger, say hellow, give a compliment, or if you do want to make a difference, help out a stranger with a flat tire (etc.) or volunteer at a shelfter. If we think about the thigns around us and appreciate the beauty in each situation, hope begins to trickle in.

    Keep your head up!
    S. P

    #36908

    Stephanie
    Participant

    Jeff has some very valid points. If you are honest with yourself, do you love him or the aspect of the relationship? You stated you are worried you won’t find someone makes you feel the way he does. It sounds as though he makes you feel a bit more insecure and frustrated, however he done’st make you feel lonely because he’s always “around”. What if… what if (ok really there are) there are other men out there who are willing to participate in a give and take relationship? Going through college and figuring out who you are is a gift, please take advantage of that and see you are worth investing in. You are worth investing in yourself, and you are worth having another man invest in you. You are… please say it with me ” I am worth it”.

    Somethign else to consider is that how will this affect your other relationships? This sounds like your first serious relationship, whether you two find each other again down the road remains to be seen. If you hang on to this unstable relationship, it may change the way you view your other relationships. You may take on the belief that this is okay and being strung along and kept in the dark is alright. When you meet someone who is willing to give you what you need in a relationship, you can either learn from this experience or if can leave you insecure and doubtful. Don’t let this set the stage for your future endeavors.

    #36907

    Stephanie
    Participant

    These things are difficult when children are involved, however, there was obviously a lack of commitment from the beginning. This man might have been separated when you started dating, but the fact that he was looking to seek out another person so close to when his marriage ended demonstrates he wasn’t completely tied to his first committment. He fathered a child with you and wasn’t even willing to commit to the family as a unit by marrying you. I understand some may have the attitude of “Why do we need a piece of paper to prove out committment?” well, why not?

    Aside from the fact that he appears to be fickle (left his wife, jumped into something serious with you immediately and now after 6 year has cold feet), the bigger issue is that you stated you love him more than you love yourself. I understand that as women, we love hard and deep. You need to love yourself first and stay true to that love and committment you give yourself in order to expect respect and better treatment. There is nothing wrong with wanting a stable loving environment for your child and you, you deserve that and your brought your daughter into this world, wouldn’t you want her to see that she should expect respect out of her future relationships when she’s a woman going through life? Love the father of your child, wish him well, and give him space to figure out where this is going, but please don’t compromise the fact that you need respect, love, and untimately to trust him. Deleting you from his facebook account, and not responding to your attempts to communicate doesn’t show he’s trying too hard.

    When you are ready, you will have to ask yourself some hard questions: What if he never intends to marry me? What do I want from this relationship and how long am I willing to wait? What’s best for my daughter? How does my daughter witnessing this relationship affect her in the long run? If my daughter were in my shoes, what would I tell her? (it gets harder) What if he never wants to get married? (harder) he pulled away from his wife, and found me, what if he has already found someone else?
    Knowing what you are willing to put up with vice what you want will give you a clear picture of where you want to go. Please take this time to work on loving yourself, because if you don’t, how are you going to be able to put that love and respect into any other relationship if it doens’t begin with you?
    Good luck and I really hope this works out for the best.

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