June 14, 2013 at 1:01 pm #36900SherryParticipant
I’m in an 8 yrs relationship with my bf and we have a 6yr old daughter for the past couple months we’ve been arguing and fighting a lot I honestly love him more than I love myself but he doesn’t show the love and affection he once did. I’ve tried talking to him often asking him if he wants to be with me and if he still love me, he says yes but his actions says different. He was married when I met him but separated from his wife. He asked me to marry him before he got his divorce but when he did get it NEVER did he once asked. I mentioned it a couple times throwing little hints but all he does is ignore them, changes the topic or starts a fight. Today he deleted me from his face book account, I tried calling and messaging him but he doesn’t answer or reply.
After 8yrs I don’t want to start a new relationship with anyone after all I’ve grown to know this person inside out why should I give up on what we have to start anew. I honestly tried my BEST and don’t know what else to do or say again nothing I’ve done works.
June 14, 2013 at 1:15 pm #36903Buddhist WifeParticipant
- This topic was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Sherry.
It’s very difficult to do this if he is refusing to communicate with you.
I take it from message that you don’t live together?
I think you need to give him chance to cool down a bit. He has obviously acted somewhat rashly in removing you from his Facebook. It seems to me that he is acting out his frustrations and that maybe he needs a little bit of space.
The best thing to do I think is to remain calm and don’t say anything out of anxiety or anger that you may regret later.
You could let him know that you love him and that you are there for him and that you would like to talk, when he is ready.
When this current tense situation has blown over, perhaps you could encourage him to attend relationship counseling with you? Or if he doesn’t like this idea, ask him calmly and kindly what he wants. Let him speak, give him a safe environment to say how he feels and genuinely listen with as little judgement as you can.
I hope you can resolve this situation.June 14, 2013 at 9:32 pm #36907StephanieParticipant
These things are difficult when children are involved, however, there was obviously a lack of commitment from the beginning. This man might have been separated when you started dating, but the fact that he was looking to seek out another person so close to when his marriage ended demonstrates he wasn’t completely tied to his first committment. He fathered a child with you and wasn’t even willing to commit to the family as a unit by marrying you. I understand some may have the attitude of “Why do we need a piece of paper to prove out committment?” well, why not?
Aside from the fact that he appears to be fickle (left his wife, jumped into something serious with you immediately and now after 6 year has cold feet), the bigger issue is that you stated you love him more than you love yourself. I understand that as women, we love hard and deep. You need to love yourself first and stay true to that love and committment you give yourself in order to expect respect and better treatment. There is nothing wrong with wanting a stable loving environment for your child and you, you deserve that and your brought your daughter into this world, wouldn’t you want her to see that she should expect respect out of her future relationships when she’s a woman going through life? Love the father of your child, wish him well, and give him space to figure out where this is going, but please don’t compromise the fact that you need respect, love, and untimately to trust him. Deleting you from his facebook account, and not responding to your attempts to communicate doesn’t show he’s trying too hard.
When you are ready, you will have to ask yourself some hard questions: What if he never intends to marry me? What do I want from this relationship and how long am I willing to wait? What’s best for my daughter? How does my daughter witnessing this relationship affect her in the long run? If my daughter were in my shoes, what would I tell her? (it gets harder) What if he never wants to get married? (harder) he pulled away from his wife, and found me, what if he has already found someone else?
Knowing what you are willing to put up with vice what you want will give you a clear picture of where you want to go. Please take this time to work on loving yourself, because if you don’t, how are you going to be able to put that love and respect into any other relationship if it doens’t begin with you?
Good luck and I really hope this works out for the best.June 15, 2013 at 10:28 am #36943SherryParticipant
Thanks for all advices I’ll try my best to take it and use it wisely…. maybe it’ll get better. at least I hope so.
thanks again for all the great advices.