I think that I confuse wanting to take care of someone a lot with love. I don’t know if it makes me feel kind of superior.

thanks benzrabbit (wut kinda name is dat, by the way? lol!!!). i am writing a long letter to her to tell her my truth. how i really feel. cuz i can’t face her. i know she will tell me i am less than a man for not facing her, but she knows i have trouble talking about my feelings. i’ve told her so time and time again. i am actually a bit high on alcohol right now, because even to write to her i am wanting for courage. it sucks.
thanks for the tip. i am going to buy the book. i have known about highly sensitive people for a long time, but i never thought it applied to me. i took the test and actually unchecked the questions i was not so sure of and i still passed. i hate loud noise. i remember one day i was with my wife in the car and she was playing loud music, i said if she could turn it down because it bothered me and she said i was so gay. sometimes i wish i were gay, maybe my life would be easier. i actually admire gay people because they have the courage to go against the world and be themselves. maybe i need that. to be myself. only thing is i do not really know who i am. but then u suggested that i might be a highly sensitive person. it might fit. i have to investigate more in-depth to be sure. i don’t want a label or excuse, but i need to know why i am like this. my wife says it is all in my head. my doctor says it is all in my head. these are people i am supposed to trust. i feel they down play my situation.

thanks anita,
i too have a friend whose wife used to actually beat him. he is today with someone else and they get along very very well. my wife and i are going to have a talk today when she gets back from work. i am dreading the moment already, and i am taking sips of alcohol. i will probably drink when the time comes to talk to her because i really have no courage to speak my mind. it is something that is very hard for me. especially when i know i will hurt the other person. i want to separate, but then i keep thinking who will take care of her, how will she live. i worry a lot about her well-being. i don’t know if that means i love her. she complains that i only love her like a father, that i take care of her. but not as a husband. but i also do not see her as a wife. i see her as a bully. i told her once that i am afraid of her. i am a very weak person, i get depressed at any sign of criticism. i have been this way all my life. as far back as i can remember, i have been socially anxious. i remember peeing in my pants in class because i was too afraid to ask the teacher if i could go to the restroom. i have really suffered from this condition. things seemed to ease up later. i got married. everything seemed to be fine. but now it all seems to come back. when i have to defend myself and speak up, i can’t. i become mute. it kills me. she becomes angrier. i become more silent still. i kills me that i am like this. i end up hating myself.