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Serena

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • August 17, 2016 at 7:34 pm #112702
    Serena
    Participant

    Anita,

    I did wind up meeting with my boyfriend and talking to him. It was hard, of course I didn’t want to see him hurting so much and is it bad of me that I feel like that was an eye opener for him? I know that I myself, can’t just take him back, because I feel bad. I have to honestly say, I’m still really hurt by the fact that he just said yes for me to friend’s wedding without even asking me. I communicated this to him and he said he understood.. I know things won’t change over night. But I think I might just take things day by day. He also doesn’t listen well to me and that was another point I brought up. It really is hard deciding when it’s time to walk away.. no matter how right you may think a person is for you.

    Thank you for the ear and all the advice…

    S

    August 17, 2016 at 7:20 pm #112701
    Serena
    Participant

    Dear pinkiepops,

    Just following up after your other post. Oddly enough, I’ve done this too.. I’ve taken back my boyfriend after a few days.. so be it.. because he too, said he missed me and just couldn’t take the break. I missed him too, I did. I bet like me, it was truly hard for you to follow through with this. Maybe like I responded to your previous post (just now) the problem was communication.. maybe it was something else. As long as it’s an issue that can be worked through. One of the hardest things is learning when to walk away. I hope you’re truly happy. It’s important to be honest with yourself. Relationships are hard work, and as much as some people like to say they aren’t they are. It takes a fair amount of balance and love between the two people to make everything work. Problems will arise, that’s natural. To clarify, I was also the type to have a very specific idea of a relationship and would give up easily when it wouldn’t go my way. Just in case you resonate with any of that. Anyway I recently read an article about relinquishing control. Often times, we do things like freak out, jump to conclusions, or even break up with someone, because we’re scared and that I totally get. But that’s what makes love and relationships so much better. It’s scary, but sometimes when we let go that’s when we can really feel love thrive. I hope what I’ve said has been somewhat helpful.

    I really wish you all the love and happiness that life has to offer.

    -S

    August 17, 2016 at 7:07 pm #112700
    Serena
    Participant

    Dear pinkiepops,

    We’ve all been here. I myself wrote a very similar post not so long ago. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years and compared to my experience with past relationships, he was the best one. All around, he’s a great guy, and that’s outside of me. When problems would arise between us, as they often still do (complicated,) I would think to myself “Is it me? Are my expectations too high? Am I just not being more understanding?” I’m an adventurous soul, I too, rarely say no when given an opportunity for excitement. However, my boyfriend is not like that and yes it has caused some small arguments throughout the relationship. Just recently in fact, I decided to take a break from my boyfriend in order to refocus on myself. I was feeling unappreciated and starting to think that he just thought I would be here for him for forever. It was hard, I love him and to see him hurting like that really did just make me want to throw in the towel and take him back, but I couldn’t and you can’t. Sometimes we get so caught up in this epic idea of love and the lust of a new relationship that we forget about everything else and that is completely okay. I’m here to assure you that if you’re already feeling that after a couple of months.. that’s not a feeling that’s going to go away. For me personally, my issue was that I wasn’t communicating with my boyfriend enough when I was feeling unappreciated or disappointed. If you feel communication is the issue between you two then it is possibly something that can be worked on. But I’ve had that “my heart’s not in it feeling” and if that’s what it is for you, then as hard as it may be, you can’t change that. We’re human. We’re here to learn from each other. I agree with Nina, you can’t fight what you feel. You can’t just settle and that’s okay. It doesn’t make you harsh. It doesn’t mean bad karma is going to come your way. The best thing you can do for someone is be truthful. It’s selfish to hold on if your heart’s not there and you’ll end up truly hurting the both of you. I’ve experienced this. Maybe not in the same way. He may be a great guy, but he just may not be that great guy for you. It’s hard. I’ve been here. But your happiness comes first and believe me, you’ll know when you’ve met the one that has your heart in it.

    August 14, 2016 at 9:42 pm #112371
    Serena
    Participant

    I just recently told my boyfriend I wanted a break, time off from him and our relationship, a few days ago. He was really upset and caved after a day. He texted me saying how much he missed me and that it was hard for him. It’s hard for me too. Of course I felt bad. But again, it’s sad to see him out on day with his friends when he had work and he can’t even hang out with me on days when he has off. So it hurts. I want to take him back and cut the break short but I also want to say f you (in a very un buddha way) and end things.

    August 12, 2016 at 12:06 pm #112253
    Serena
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I’ve been thinking about what you said. It does make sense. When a person doesn’t follow through with something, they come off as unreliable and not trustworthy. I guess maybe, I didn’t want to believe that about my boyfriend. Because it’s not as if he’s betrayed me in some big way. I constantly feel conflicted and I think to myself how many times can we have this talk about communicating more effectively and debating back and forth on whether or not we need a break.

    August 11, 2016 at 10:38 am #112157
    Serena
    Participant

    Hi Maria,

    I really like what you had to say about being on the same page for the big things. I think that’s so important. My boyfriend and I are always willing to communicate and work on things, him a bit more than me. Often times, I’m just too stubborn to let the small things go and I probably have to work on that. Thank you for the heartfelt advice.

    August 11, 2016 at 10:33 am #112153
    Serena
    Participant

    Dear elm0505,

    Thank you for your insight. I’m glad to know I’m not alone. I think you’ve made some great points. Just because, yes someone may have so many desirable qualities, doesn’t necessarily mean they’re the person for you. I’m sorry to hear about your state of depression, but happy to hear that it’s what you needed to begin that road to discovering yourself. I will highly consider what you have shared and take a few days to sit with my thoughts.
    Wishing you love, light, and happiness as well.

    August 10, 2016 at 8:54 pm #112119
    Serena
    Participant

    Norit,
    The fact that you are asking if change is possible, means that yes in fact it is. It shows initiative, that you’re willingness to take the next step. Everyone struggles with learning how to love themselves. After all, we are our harshest critics. You have to remember that you are a unique individual. All of us are. There is only but one of you, therefore all of your qualities, values, hopes, and dreams make you unique. The struggles that you face/faced and whatever negative attributes you may see in yourself, make you who you are. They make you even more beautiful. Take the time to reflect on three things you’re grateful for each day. Try and take the time to focus on what you like about yourself. It can be the smallest thing. Channel that energy into love. You are here on this earth to live and enjoy life. You are beautiful and you are loved.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Serena.
    August 10, 2016 at 8:42 pm #112117
    Serena
    Participant

    Anita,
    I appreciate the reply. Just to list a few examples; I get very upset when my boyfriend says something and doesn’t follow through with it. It can be something as simple as agreeing to to grab lunch with me or picking me up from a doctor’s appointment. I find that I get truly angry with my boyfriend in a way in which I’ve never experienced. I’ve gotten better in communicating with my boyfriend about my feelings, however sometimes I can not directly say why I am mad, because although it means something to me, I feel foolish for getting mad about it. Recently he rsvpd yes to his friend’s wedding for the both of us, without even asking me if I was available. Why I would like nothing better than to be his date, I was upset that he didn’t check to see if I was available first and even more upset when he took offense to the fact that I wasn’t. It also happened to be the weekend I had told him I wanted to go away with him. I guess I feel as if he doesn’t take me seriously enough or listen enough? I think the main reason why I find myself angry with him, is because, I feel that what I put out, he doesn’t give back. Also, I get mad at myself for not following through on certain things in our relationship. I could continue on and on about this, but sometimes I feel so foolish for thinking with my heart more than I do with my brain.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Serena.
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