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Sue

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  • in reply to: I am about to graduate & I ‘ve never dated #381827
    Sue
    Participant

    Thanks, Anita! The feeling is mutual.

    in reply to: I am about to graduate & I ‘ve never dated #381771
    Sue
    Participant

    I love Anita’s responses and agree with everything said. And I’m going to add another angle.

    I hear you loud and clear that you want to develop yourself as fully as you can before you add a relationship to the mix. While that does make a lot of sense, a potential flaw in that thinking is that part of how we develop as humans is through our relationships, and especially intimate relationships. These relationships help us clarify who we are and what matters to us, and we learn and grow from them.

    My concern is that you may think you’re not ready for a relationship because you’re not perfect enough yet. Could there be this element of perfectionism in your unconscious thoughts? While it definitely makes sense to not allow romantic relationships to derail you on your path, beware of “never enough” thinking.

    Too many people mold themselves to someone else’s life and priorities, and you’re not doing that, which is very good. But a good relationship expands opportunities and exposes you to new options and perspectives that you can’t access by yourself. So maybe rather than saying “no relationships,” you could think in terms of only making time for a relationship that seems like it will enhance your personal development rather than distract from it. That is truly the ideal, in my mind. My romantic partner should expand and enrich my life.

    Finally, as far as who will like you, you seem like a gem to me. You have such self-awareness and are obviously mature, thoughtful and smart. When you meet a similar person, they will be absolutely thrilled to find you, because those are rare traits.

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