Dear Anita,

Of course I am going to respond. Thank you for writing back and sharing your story. I feel sad that my story brought up hurtful memories for you. I know that your healing process is ongoing. My words are not sufficient but thank you for sharing. I can relate to your words, that you tried to make your mother notice you, notice that you loved her among so many other things. I agree that my emotions are not really about my ex. There is something deeper. Even when I was with him I knew that certain reactions I had stemmed from my childhood. The strange thing is that even though I see a therapist and have for many years, I don’t seem to work through the trauma. I guess perhaps I am at a halfway point because I recognize there is something deeper going on.

I’m not going to reach out to my ex. I know that would be foolish. I respect he is with someone else.

Please take care. Thank you for writing back. Sending love your way.

Hi Anita,

Thank you for your reply. It hurts me because I’m afraid what he said is true. I struggle with depression. My mother was an alcoholic and my childhood was rough. My mother died in her sleep and I found her. I’ve been struggling to make it on my own. My ex saw the depression. I wasn’t angry when he said it. I was – and still am – deeply hurt. I didn’t retaliate. I said nothing but his words will haunt me for a very long time. After he said it I said, “You find your mom dead with ants crawling on her and tell me how you turn out.” He did not respond.

Part of what bothers me is he has a drinking problem. I did not retaliate by calling him a raging alcoholic. I didn’t want to hurt him and if I had said that, believe me, my conscience would get to me. It bothers me that he said it and has shown absolutely zero remorse. Instead he found love and marriage within weeks and everything fell into place. I believe that the way we treat others comes back to us. It seems that there have been no repercussions or consequences to him hurting me.

As far as why he said it, I really don’t know. I don’t think he said it purposely to hurt me. I just feel he doesn’t care. He has zero ability empathize or have compassion. I think he was happy he found someone else and just didn’t care what he said or how it might have affected me.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by Stacey.

He told me I am emotionally unstable. It hurt me deeply.

Thank you for replying Anita. I was supposed to go see him and didn’t end up going. We don’t live near each other. The trip was planned but after he stopped communicating I was afraid to reach out so I ended up not going. I know it bothered him – or at least I thought it did at the time. I felt he was mad at me. That’s why I reached out to apologize and reconnect. That was the main thing I apologized for. Other than that, I wasn’t perfect in the relationship. There was no cheating or abuse. I’m not perfect. I had moments where I was sad, angry, or confused. He saw my best side and my not so best side so I guess I apologized for that too. Looking back I apologized because I didn’t want him to be mad at me. I wanted to reconnect. I don’t know if I am making sense.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by Stacey.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by Stacey.