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Stacey

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Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
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  • #352868
    Stacey
    Participant

    Dear Ravi,

    I read all the comments and appreciate all suggestions. Thank you for your comment. I will look at Ho’ponopono again. I know it’s a short phrase but I haven’t done it in a while. Thank you again. Take care.

    #352866
    Stacey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Of course I am going to respond. Thank you for writing back and sharing your story. I feel sad that my story brought up hurtful memories for you. I know that your healing process is ongoing. My words are not sufficient but thank you for sharing. I can relate to your words, that you tried to make your mother notice you, notice that you loved her among so many other things. I agree that my emotions are not really about my ex. There is something deeper. Even when I was with him I knew that certain reactions I had stemmed from my childhood. The strange thing is that even though I see a therapist and have for many years, I don’t seem to work through the trauma. I guess perhaps I am at a halfway point because I recognize there is something deeper going on.

    I’m not going to reach out to my ex. I know that would be foolish. I respect he is with someone else.

    Please take care. Thank you for writing back. Sending love your way.

    #352752
    Stacey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you. for your help and insight. I know that bad things happen to good people. You are right – it as an age old dilemma. It’s still hard for me to accept that people can get away with hurting others. Like I wrote above, I believe that the way we treat others comes back to us eventually. I believe that if the roles had been reversed and he was messaging me and writing expressions of love and apologies and I had ignored him, I don’t think I would have turned around and had the most blissful, happy, perfect marriage just handed to me. There would have been consequences. If anything my conscience would have gotten to me.

    Sometimes I struggle with, “Well, maybe I really am bad and deserved what happened” and then I sit here and replay things over and over to try see what I did. I try to find a reason justifying him treating me like I don’t exist, like I don’t matter. It is a never ending cycle.

    #352714
    Stacey
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for your reply. It hurts me because I’m afraid what he said is true. I struggle with depression. My mother was an alcoholic and my childhood was rough. My mother died in her sleep and I found her. I’ve been struggling to make it on my own. My ex saw the depression. I wasn’t angry when he said it. I was – and still am – deeply hurt. I didn’t retaliate. I said nothing but his words will haunt me for a very long time. After he said it I said, “You find your mom dead with ants crawling on her and tell me how you turn out.” He did not respond.

    Part of what bothers me is he has a drinking problem. I did not retaliate by calling him a raging alcoholic. I didn’t want to hurt him and if I had said that, believe me, my conscience would get to me. It bothers me that he said it and has shown absolutely zero remorse. Instead he found love and marriage within weeks and everything fell into place. I believe that the way we treat others comes back to us. It seems that there have been no repercussions or consequences to him hurting me.

    As far as why he said it, I really don’t know. I don’t think he said it purposely to hurt me. I just feel he doesn’t care. He has zero ability empathize or have compassion. I think he was happy he found someone else and just didn’t care what he said or how it might have affected me.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Stacey.
    #352712
    Stacey
    Participant

    Hi Inky,

    Thank you for your reply. I hear what you’re saying. Other people have told me the same but there are no signs of any disharmony in his marriage. What you said about insta-marriages makes sense. It does not make sense that he would just ride off into the sunset after meeting someone once and everything works out perfectly. Like I said though, they are still going strong. It sure seems that everything is perfect. I don’t think I will hear from him. I wish the day would come that the tables would turn so to speak but I don’t think it will happen. If it does, I will let you know. Thank you again for responding. I really appreciate it.

    #352666
    Stacey
    Participant

    He told me I am emotionally unstable. It hurt me deeply.

     

    #352580
    Stacey
    Participant

    Thank you Ravi. I know it’s best not look at social media. Normally, I am strong and resist but I have my moments. I am aware of Ho’oponopono and have tried it but it didn’t help. Thank you for replying and the suggestion.

    #352578
    Stacey
    Participant

    Thank you for replying Anita. I was supposed to go see him and didn’t end up going. We don’t live near each other. The trip was planned but after he stopped communicating I was afraid to reach out so I ended up not going. I know it bothered him – or at least I thought it did at the time. I felt he was mad at me. That’s why I reached out to apologize and reconnect. That was the main thing I apologized for. Other than that, I wasn’t perfect in the relationship. There was no cheating or abuse. I’m not perfect. I had moments where I was sad, angry, or confused. He saw my best side and my not so best side so I guess I apologized for that too. Looking back I apologized because I didn’t want him to be mad at me. I wanted to reconnect. I don’t know if I am making sense.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Stacey.
    • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Stacey.
    #352564
    Stacey
    Participant

    I feel he was cruel by ghosting me. I tried to reach out multiple times expressing love, apologies etc. I mailed him a card expressing my love. No response. I foolishly thought he did not receive it or any of my messages. He did. He just ignored me. I don’t want to say exactly what he said to me in our last conversation but it was a personal attack. There was no need for him to say it.

    #309927
    Stacey
    Participant

    Hi Clueless Carrot,

    I think your apology was sincere.

    I’ve had experiences where people have abandoned and ignored me and never thought twice about it. No one has ever reached out and apologized.

    I think what you did was brave and shows that you’ve grown a lot. It takes humility and introspection to apologize to someone after five years. To me, it shows you have a conscience and a heart.

    I believe you when you say that you’ve thought about her for the past 5 years. That is why you’re reaching out.

    It seems that she still has feelings for you after all this time based on what she wrote. I really don’t know what to say about this except tread lightly and be very conscious of her feelings. I think you are now. Best of luck.

Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)