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Sunflower

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #361083
    Sunflower
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

     

    Sorry I have been off. I want to give you some updates regarding my boyfriend. We have been talking nice and sweet for the past week. He said sorry for being a jerk when he left me and made me feel bad. He told me he really didn’t know what he was doing and did not realize that he made me mad and hurt my feeling.

    He came back being a very loving man. We talked almost the whole day everyday and I was trying to ask would he get bored talking the whole day as he once pushed me away saying he can’t keep up long talks. But he responded that this is the best moments of his life, being with me every day through chatting. We were like inseparable. However, last night we were picking fights over stupid and small thing where he went off for a while for talking with his bro as they were drinking again (that’s the second drink he took after passing out for one hour after the first round).

    When he wanted to say goodnight, I didn’t know what I became and I started saying that why he would go off while I’m still here talking? He at first nicely said that he wanted to end the conversation because he wanted to talk with bro. But then things got heated and arguments became so rude. He started to become someone rude again. Idk why he’s always like tht. And despite the fact that we have been talking very loving saying I love yous and sent pictures, he started to say that he hates me. And i was so furious that I also got mad. I told him that he never loves me in the first place, and he responded that he doesn’t, he hates me.

    This really made me sad and now I’m still in tears rereading our chats. How come someone can be totally turning into someone else 180 degrees? I know that I also played a part in this fight but I surely felts offended by what he said. He also asked me to shut up and saying good bye.

     

    I really don’t know what to do when his behaviors suddenly changed like tht. We were fine before and even talked about his works and our future.

    The last paragraph I sent to him was that he literally hurt my feeling and that I didn’t want to talk to him again. He saw the messages but didn’t respond til now.

     

    #360184
    Sunflower
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thanks for your kind response.

    I too think that he’s not cheating on me, instead just can’t be direct sometimes. In addition, when he is taking drugs or weeds he always lets me know and send some pictures. So I think he’s still trying to be open to me. Although sometimes he tell lies to me to avoid fighting.

    When he is in a good mood, he’s a nice and sweet guy. We talk about meeting up, and he even told his family and relatives about me (well his bro already knows me), we also talk about having kids and etc although just in casual talk. But we do talk about future.

    The problem is he lives in Iran where the economy is getting worse day by day. He also doesn’t have full time jobs because he works for his brother as interior designer. So they work only when people need something to fix in their buildings.

    What makes me sad is the fact that he often feels down and depressed. When he does this, he would talk rude to me and even shut me down. We talked a lot about this and he promised to get better but every time he’s in low condition, he just texts me “I’m not a good guy for you and I will never be better.”

    #360153
    Sunflower
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I already asked him if he has anyone to talk the past two weeks when he didn’t talk to me and the answer was he didn’t have anyone else. Actually he is an introvert guy and he always said that he hates himself and when he does, he likes to pull away from his family and now from me too. I too was concerned if maybe he has another girlfriend but he always said that he doesn’t have anyone except me.

    I don’t know whether to believe him or not. He sometimes tells lies to me too. For example, he said he would go out and doesn’t have any data so he can’t talk to me and ask me not to wait for him and just slept. In fact, when I asked his bro, he only went out for a while and didn’t take one hour to come back.

    When I confronted him about this, he told me that he’s not that kind of guy who can keep up with long talks. That’s why he had to lie to me so that I would stop talking to him without him saying “can we stop talking now?”.

     

    What do you think about this behavior?

    #360052
    Sunflower
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

     

    He’s just texted me now. He said sorry for being a jerk. And when I asked him why he didn’t text for two weeks, he said he was feeling down. He needed to be alone. And when I asked if he talked to other people, he said none. He didn’t even want to talk with his family.

    Maybe he’s really in depression and I have to be very patient.

    #360047
    Sunflower
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for your concern about drug abuse matter. I will definitely look up that information you provided.

    Meanwhile, do you have any advice on what t do now? He’s not talked to me for two weeks although he’s online every day and drops some comments in some pages. I want to write him and ask what happened but I’m afraid he will push me away further.

    Should I just wait for him to text me first? P.s: he once accidentally liked my video I sent him weeks ago that means he probably scrolled through our old messages. Also he often check out my Instagram story. That means he still wants to check me up.

     

     

    #360017
    Sunflower
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes, he’s thirty now. He’s already a mature guy but his behavior depicts that he’s like a teen. He told me that he takes psychedelic and weeds too besides drugs. When he took them, he texted me and showed me the pictures. I didn’t really mind because I too can’t do anything about it. Sometimes he hides the drugs from his family and brother. I have to tell his brother about the activity and he would feel so sad about it. The thing is his brother told me his family can’t do anything more either. They have tried to take him to methadone clinic as well before. But my boyfriend remains an addict.

    We haven’t met in person before. We only talk in Instagram. I know it’s very strange to have a relationship over a text only but my feeling was real . He too told me that his feeling for me was real and he didn’t have that before so that’s why he said he didn’t know what to do when there’s someone loving him back.

     

    #359931
    Sunflower
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

     

    Thanks a lot for your kind response.

    Actually, from what I know his family has always been treating him very good and he’s a spoiled kid. His habit of taking drugs started when he was in senior high school and he had bad friends who offered him heroin and all those kinds of drugs. His brother also told me that my boyfriend has always been a rude guy, even he treats his family worse than me. For example, he would not talk to his family for weeks just short talks etc. His brother also told me that if he didn’t save my bf back then, he would have died or been in prison.

     

    You’re right. He’s mentally troubled. I knew this from his sudden changed behavior from sweet to rude. He also once told me that “I would beat you one day if we’re ever together just to see you cry because I love you.” I don’t know why his concept of love is different from any normal people. Please mind that he also told me he used to treat his ex girlfriends so bad, all of them were also drug users and they used to do anything to get drugs.

    Anita, I don’t know how to answer your question if I can let him go. A part of me wants to be with him and always support him, but he’s so far away and now hasn’t said a word to me even though he’s always online. He’s like doesn’t care about my existence anymore.

     
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>A part of me also feels hurt that I always cry everyday. I can’t believe someone who was really really sweet back then (he used to write me long sweet paragraphs about how happy he was with me and that he found me amid his mess) now becomes a totally different person. 😭 I feel both hurt and pity.</p>
     

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)