Hey,
I guess all us Indians are quite similar. Similarly three years ago, I would hear about stories similar to yours, I never dreamed in my sweet little life that someday I would have a ‘story.’ I am sorry to say this so bluntly but he’s gone. Indian families are harsh and I had to learn this the hard way. I know you can’t forget about him, it’s the hardest thing to do sometimes. I still sometimes think about the person that was once near and dear to my heart not to long ago. I am an American born Indian and he was a master’s student from India.
He always made me feel beneath him. His biggest issue was my weight, he was a bit of a showoff and I suppose he wanted a pretty, skinny girl on his arm. I wasn’t either things, plus I wasn’t a fancy engineer or anywhere remotely near a science field like him. Long story short after a year of meeting month to month, I ended up picking a grad school closer to him. My parents were pushing us for marriage. He said that he wanted me to get in shape first. I dieted hard and did end up losing most of my weight. He still wasn’t satisfied as I wasn’t built like most thin little twiggy indian girls. I guess wanting to be accepted I opted for plastic surgery. The pain was unbearable.
Barely a month after the surgery his brother and sister-in-law came to visit me, and I could feel them judging me harshly. They only stayed for two hours and towards the end my grandfather asked whether they wanted to take this relationship forward. His sister-in-law looked towards me and said
“well you don’t take photos that great…oh sorry I mean clearly.” She basically accused me of wasting her time because in real life, I didn’t meet her standards.
I can still remember the look of embarrassment on my families and the pain that ate at my heart. It was awful the way their family had treated, after all I was a human being. But yes like you I remember slowly our peaceful relationship ending into peaces. Day after day arguing and crying. I think problems manifest into arguments, you know in your heart something much greater is wrong and in this case it was his family thinking he could do better than someone like me.
Fast forward present day, he ended up marrying a pretty little skinny girl, the way his family wanted. I am still unsettled, still finding my path. He forgot a 2.5 year relationship so easily in one which he tormented me. You only broke up in Dec 2013, so your pain is still so fresh. Your journey is only beginning. Don’t make the same mistakes I made. I stopped all progress in my life. You have to work hard to find yourself and rebuild your identity. It’s not going to be easy, believe me. It’s okay to think about him, there is no time limit to heal. However in the mist of what he put me through I pulled myself together, and am now engaged to a great man, that is much more emotionally supportive. I know once you find someone else, you will feel the difference. Let him marry the girl his Mummy and Daddy want him to marry (although it’s going to hurt you a great deal), because there is something so much better out there for you.
There are so many people in the same boat as you, you aren’t less than anyone else. As for you not being able to keep to him happy, don’t ever let this thought come into your head. HE wasn’t able to keep to you happy, and your intuition was warning you about the impending dangers. Your happiness is so much more important. Don’t let go, instead use this experience to rise up from the ashes and start your healing and rebuilding process. This after all was an experience you had to ‘experience’ has a human. I wish you luck.