Hi Mark

thank you for your reply.

Yes you are right i can always love myself,  I thought I did but actually i don’t through the actions and thoughts i have.

I like the way you make a list  with strategies on how to change for improve yourself. Weightloss is one thing i want o do but i think there are more things i can improve on.

I agree that moving forward can be gradual, i would hope by this time next year i’m not feeling the way I feel today, however it might take longer too.

I think whats making me depressed is loneliness, feeling i have wasted my life so far as I have made zero progress on anything worthwhile, putting my trust in someone and accepting situations others would run from, wanting a man that obviously doesn’t want me in the same way but i can’t bring myself to admit it or leave him alone, these things trouble me and go around in my head everyday that i find i hard to concentrate at work and on top of that would love to have friends to talk to about my feelings and to laugh with and essentially enjoy my life, rather then it seems i’m on a an endless road with no turnings to get off.

Thank for your kind thoughts Mark

Hi Anita

thank you for your reply, I have been feeling very low and wasn’t up to doing much this week.

I hadn’t heard of  the Serenity Prayer.thank you for posting it, as it is very comforting and actually i agree that I need to have the courage to accept what I can’t change and change the things I can. It all sounds so simple yet seems like a huge mental task for me.

The weightloss issue of mine is something that unfortunately take a long time to conquer. When i’m feeling low and lonely or have bad news i have to really fight to refrain from seeking comfort in junk food, because i feel horrible about my actions after eating this rubbish, i also go to weightwatchers and i usually have been losing weight steadily, but on these blowout out days if i put on weight i hate myself as i committed to follow this diet to improve my health and body.

I agree that i should stop seeing the long term ex of mine. This again is hard as in the back of my mind i’m wishing him to realise how good we could be together and also for him to value me. I don’t know why i’m so focused on him to the point i dream about him alot, dream about him texting me, i even dreamt he was out for drinks with female work colleagues and i was so jealous in the dream, when i woke up i was feeling really angry and jealous as if this had really happened! this is a totally ridiculous thing for me to have done, i know that.

I guess because i’m in a panic right now i find it hard to totally take on board what you said about not just making do with any man because i cant get the one i want. My self worth must be at an all time low. I know life just isnt fair and nobody said it would be, i just feel so tired of it and would love just 1 thing that i want e.g. a family of my own to just work out for me.

Thanks so much Anita

Hi Anita
thank you for your reply!! 🙂
it’s so good to get this written out and to hear opinions from strangers, my friends are totally useless in giving me advice and i can’t stand it
i really appreciate it. I was thinking about it and i agree it is FEAR – fear has pretty much taken control of me and ultimately its the dear of failing and worse case scenario’s that plague me and my actions. i never admitted this before.
i think i had success when i was younger and then tried to build on it and nothing happened and when i flash forward to say, 10 years later i have nearly convinced myself that if i was to try again that it wouldn’t work and isn’t worth it because it didn’t work before and perhaps im waiting my time and time is moving so fast…
i agree we all feel it i suspect some people hide it better than others, i wish i could learn to do that, i think you’re right courage is important and hard to do, i look back at when i was younger and fresher with less experience and more optimism and i had more courage than now, i would like to be like that again.