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sunshineandlemonade

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  • #74252
    sunshineandlemonade
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    +1 for people all supporting the backhanded compliments. So many boys do this as a way of protecting their ego and projecting their feelings of rejection.

    I am a conventionally attractive woman and I can not tell you how many times I have had the following conversation in a bar.
    Man: “Hey baby, whats up?/Can I buy you a drink?/Can I get your number?/Want to come back to my place?”
    Me: “No thank you/I’m here with someone/I have a drink/I’m not into one night stands”
    Man: “Well whatever, you’re fat/you’re ugly/you’re nothing”

    I USED to respond “I was fat/ugly/nothing when you first approached me” and this would lead to a whole lot of eye rolling, excuse making and general dickery from said boy. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

    Best to respond to these losers in a swift, quick manner.
    IGNORE.
    Seriously, smirk at them, get up and WALK AWAY. If you feel really rude, add an “excuse me” before you walk away.
    They will usually move onto some other target, especially if they’re drunk.

    However, if they follow you or approach you later to apologise (and 9/10 they do because your stock suddenly rises when you don’t play their stupid games and they think they could have a second chance) say “thank you” and repeat. Walk away.

    DO NOT GIVE THESE IDIOTS THE TIME OF DAY. DO NOT GIVE YOUR THOUGHTS TO THESE IDIOTS.
    They are getting exactly what they want from you – projecting their rejection onto you and making you feel bad.
    When this happens, remember, no second thoughts, up and away.

    Yes, there definitely are MEN out there. Cut the boys as far away as possible.

    #74251
    sunshineandlemonade
    Participant

    Ugh. No.
    I’m sorry John W but I HATE that saying and I HATE that book.
    Life is not that black and white. Yes, sometimes there are occasions where you are kidding yourself and he isn’t that into you, but this cultural myth we seem to have created that if a man truly is into you he will move heaven and earth is just that…a myth. Not all men are proactive and not all men see “the one” and boom. Not all men can put their careers and families and hobbies aside for a woman they barely know yet.

    See, sometimes life gets in the way.
    Sometimes he’s ready but you’re not. Or you’re ready but he’s not. And sometimes, neither of you are ready, you just don’t realise it!
    And texanycgal, that sounds exactly like the predicament you are in…that he’s into you but he’s just not ready for a committed relationship where you take priority in his life. Try not to take this personally because he probably isn’t ready for a relationship with ANYONE.
    He also sounds very, very immature. He didn’t like the fact you “questioned his intentions”? If he can’t have an honest, upfront conversation about your relationship and the way it’s going after two months, I maintain that he isn’t mature enough for a relationship with anyone.

    Sure, you could wait on him and hope he changes and is ready. But you need to ask yourself…what if he never is?
    It may also help, instead of focusing on what “could have been”, focus about how you’d feel being committed to a man who is so tied up in his work. Would you feel neglected? Unimportant? Sidelined? It sounds like yes as you were bringing this up with him. You have now learned that you value togetherness in a relationship and you want to be a priority above your partners work. This is something really positive you can take on as you move into searching for new relationships and you can see that this at present would be a glaring incompatibility with him.

    In the meantime, focus on your work and your hobbies and your friends and all the wonderful things in your life. Day by day, it will get easier. Think about how you got over your ex four years ago…you got there, right? You’ll get there again.
    I know how hard this is.
    Sending you lots of love!

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