Hopeful-

I agree with Jasmine-3 and with your decision. I cannot imagine how upset you were and how difficult it must have been to get that news and to hear those words from her. My ex-wife did not cheat but I was totally lost when she asked for a divorce. I did see a therapist and it helped. You have been through a lot and need to move ahead now.
If you can swing it, move to a new location and sell, donate or split up the stuff that reminds you of her and the bad experiences. I did this when I got divorced. The lemonade is you can set up your own place and enjoy doing it while you process it all. If you pick a new neighborhood you will meet new people.
Good suggestion by the way from tree of life to change you id. It is better to be positive for you. Mine is big blue because I’m tall and I have blue eyes.

Tinyzebra – that was a brave thing you did talking directly to him to get closure. You grew a lot and you will be better for it. I learned a lot from your post, too.

Hi Molly,

It is awesome that you care and want to continue to be compassionate to him. Maybe part of you wants him in your life but there are issues. If you two tried unsuccessfully to resolve those issues, and staying apart makes sense, then I think the compassionate thing is actually to stop communicating.
I was in a committed relationship but there were some big issues we could not solve despite trying hard for a long time. The issues got much worse. It was negatively affecting us including my health so I had to break up. Now a year later I got a text saying she knows I am ok but she loves me and she is not ok. I texted back that people move on every day and she needs to do this – no discussion and I blocked her number. Some might say this was harsh but there is zero chance of us getting back together, and as long as she says what she said, there is also no feasible chance to be friends, so I avoid places she goes to, etc. Does this make sense?
You are not me and you have a different situation, but is this the type of fork in the road you are facing?
If I could add a bit more than my two cents, also having some experience with the emotional tug of war you are having with yourself, please focus on being compassionate mostly with yourself. This will clearly help you to get through this no matter which way you go, and it may also give you the answer that fits your head and your heart.

Hi WonderLast,

I have been there and it’s incredibly hard to deal with if either of you has not gotten over the breakup. I even had this happen with someone I fell for after my divorce, but never “dated.” I avoided her, but said hello like you did when I had to. After years now, my ex wife of 20+ years and I are over our divorce, so I can say time does sometimes heal. Did the other experience help me? I think so as much as it was also a challenge.

We should have a universal, compassionate gesture that is fitting when we see an ex – no, no that’s not compassionate lol – that signifies ‘Hey we once were close so no matter what let’s respect each other.’ But the problem is that we’re mixed up and selfish in the process, so we think of the other gestures. 🙂

Best wishes on your journey!