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TatjanaParticipantDear Anita,
Thank you for sharing your experience.
I think you are right. This is about wanting to feel good. The strange thing is that I stopped overeating for a while because I wanted to feel better. And yet, getting rid of ED brings new fears and anxiety, which was just covered by the addictive behaviour.
As someone once said, every addiction starts and ends with pain. So I’m not sure how to deal with the pain, and especially the numbness, without food. It will take a while to have new healthy habits. I hope these habits will bring me the contentment I seem to be lacking.TatjanaParticipantI am so sorry to hear you’ve been through all this. You were incredibly perseverant through it all and were willing to fight for your relationship and that is a very beautiful thing. All gay couples struggle with the parent issue. I was lucky enough to have very understanding parents who did not keep me from loving. All you can do now, if you live by your LOVE philosophy, is probably to keep on growing like you are doing, and wishing for your ex to resolve her problems with her parents because it is gonna ruin all her relationships…like my insecurities ruined mine. So yes, you are right, those experiences are a lesson, and like Adam said so well, a break up can be a very positive time if we allow it to be just that, I guess. I hope all is well on your love journey 🙂 <3
TatjanaParticipantMarko- I am Serbian! That is crazy haha. I mean I’ve never lived there but my parents are Serbian…what a coincidence. Thank you for the meditation tips. Can’t wait to do the “ohmmm” sound thing. I spend a lot of time alone because I like it, but it usually involves music. I don’t really like silence…i probably need to try it more often. Thanks a lot :). I will try to make it a routine.
Adam- What you just wrote really does hit home. I was telling myself just today that i should have registered on this forum earlier. You are all very inspiring. But most of all, you all give me a fresh perspective on things, so thank you. “Why do you feel the need to be dependent?”, another thing i thought about today…if i’m being honest, even if this was my first serious relationship, I felt that need before, with other people I loved. So there is a problem there. I’m addressing it with my counselor but I guess it takes time. “you need to bring ALL the issues into the light”, you are absolutely right. But there are so many, it seems. I guess the key is somewhere in me, though…thank you very much for these positives words Adam, i sure will check out your blog.
TatjanaParticipantElleTinker700- I reread your post a few times and it is very painful for me because what you say is so true. I remember telling my ex “i have no fear, i have only love” so many times. What has been the hardest after the break up was realising that I was actually so paralysed with fear. I had a clear idea of what I wanted from love, and what it was, but just could not implement it. I was stuck with my insecurities even if I kept on telling her I had no fear. She ended up thinking I was manipulating her when really, I had no idea what I was doing or how to calm my anger and insecurities. So thank you, thank you for those last few sentences. They are so positive. It’s time for me to live by the “no fear, only love” rule.
I will stick this to my wall i think: “Remember; Be present, be conscious and be love and you’ll see your entire life change for the better. The universe bestows constant blessings on those who truly love and walk without fear. At least you are working on yourself and have taken partial responsibility. It means you are becoming all those things that I mentioned above, present, conscious and loving. From here on out Tati, your life is going to get better and better. Just don’t give up and give into fear anymore. Be proud of yourself and forgive yourself! You are doing a wonderful job so far. <3”. Thank you so much.TatjanaParticipantLars- thank you for giving me a different perspective to all this. You are so positive! It did not come from an evil heart, you are right. But it still hurt someone. Thank you for your kind words and i will try to give some advice on your situation when I have more time. Also, thanks for the books! I was actually looking for something to read that would inspire me so that is perfect :).
Marko- first off, are you from Balkan? Croatia, Serbia, anywhere? You are also super positive, you guys are very inspiring! You are embracing this time of grieving and that is quite impressive. I tried meditation but I find it very difficult to focus on my body without freaking out. I think I need some guidelines to learn how to do meditation so if you have any tips…:).
TatjanaParticipantDear Mia,
I’ve rarely seen anyone being so empathetic. That is a beautiful quality. You are very sensitive, it seems. You probably need to find some kind of balance, and seeing a counselor is the best way to do just that. You are also very young (i am too, tbh), and probably have not found your “crowd” just yet. The people that will both make you feel comfortable and make you want to work towards your goals. That will come too, with time. I believe the early 20s are a very lonely time in our lives, and I think you should try and not think of yourself as the only person who has this kind of problems. Many people are struggling, some more than others, to find out what it is that they want and who they are. Just look at this forum ha!
You said: ” I also hate the fact that feeling down about myself means that I just sit around all day. I want to read, write, draw, explore and help people but I always feel too exhausted/sad/not good enough so don’t do these things and stay in instead. It terrifies me how much time I am wasting.”. Mia, you can do all this stuff! Sometimes, what it takes is maybe to think less and act more. I know you feel shitty right now, because you lack self-esteem. But just try for one day to be brave enough to do what you want, and go talk to people. Because the less you talk to people, the more it feels like a big deal to do just that.
It becomes a huge deal, when really, it’s nothing. From what you wrote, I think you have some great, essential qualities that people will want to see. You are empathetic and self-aware. In my book, those are the two most important qualities in a human being.To sum it all up, like everyone said, go see a counselor, and try and do more. Be brave! Go out there and talk to people, draw, write, do it! Just for a few days and see how it feels. I am sure you can manage that.
TatjanaParticipantStephen,
Thank you very much for your answer. Being dumped because of insecurities is so paradoxical and strange. Nothing shatters one’s sense of self-esteem more than being rejected, yet I need to be confident again in order to be truly happy. I was feeling pretty low already before the break up, but now it’s like starting from the bottom. I know it is a great opportunity, but it’s hard to look at it that way when I have to deal with so much pain.
“Taking responsibility for what you did means that you realize what you did was wrong, and you vow to try and not do it again. It doesn’t mean that you need to keep beating yourself up about it.”. Ha, my counselor keeps on telling me this. You’re absolutely right and it sounds like you’ve been through similar stuff, too. I will try to remember your words for when i feel stuck (which is about 50% of the time, still haha). Thank you, again.Cheers 🙂
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