Dear Anita,

I’m very happy these exercises are helping you and that you’re feeling better as result: connected with your feelings, and yet, calm and not overwhelmed:

Thank you for your concern, Tee 🙏 but the exercise made me feel definitely good, calm, connected within- not immediately but a short while after I concluded it. GA (yes, teenager Anita 😊) or LGA feeling the fear (while being comforted by AA and given space when she needs time away from an exercise) is part of my healing. I know it is because of how I feel as a result.

This is such great news, Anita 🤍 🙏 And it’s touching to witness the love and compassion you have for your younger parts, and how supporting and full of understanding you are. You are truly re-parenting your inner child, Anita, and it is beautiful to behold 🤍 ✨ 🤍

Yes, I didn’t quite realize this even though I’ve mentioned before the Histrionic part of her personality disorder combo. Of course, yes, she exaggerated her despair in dramatic ways, like showing me where on her wrist she’d cut so to kill herself. Yes, of course, that was an act meant to impress me, scare me.

What do you think was her motivations behind the act, Tee?

I think it’s like you said: to scare you and manipulate you into obeying, into complying… basically to solidify her power over you – to have you completely in her grip.

She might have used those dramatic gestures (like showing you where she would cut herself), to aid her victim narrative, to make it more believable. Perhaps her entire histrionic personality served to make her victim narrative more believable, more convincing, so she can manipulate people better. And she was successful in convincing you that she would do those things, unfortunately 😕

What’s happening now is that he takes me on walks around here. I let him choose the direction and pace so to give him a sense of autonomy, which I believe helped his anxiety. Last afternoon, took him to the taproom- no vomiting- and he had a good time there, wasn’t anxious much even with a big dog that showed up.

I’m so happy to hear about your bond with Bogart 🤍 You’re showing him a lot of patience and care, letting him choose the direction, respecting his limits, and he is responding so well, and his anxiety is lessening… 🤞 🙏

I think there’s a chance that once he is old enough, he’ll be not only willing but also eager to accompany you on your big walks too 😊 🤞 But of course, one day at a time, like you have been doing so far 🐾 🤍

Please keep expressing, keep doing the exercises with LGA and GA, it’s totally fine with me. As I said, I might not always reply, or reply immediately, but I’m always happy to read about your continued healing!

🤍 🫶 🙏 🫶 🤍

Hi Alessa,

I believe in you! I know that fear won’t stop you from achieving your dreams

Thank you, Alessa! ❤️ Fear has stopped me till now, but I wasn’t even aware of all of the aspects of my fear before… but now, with a better understanding, I’m hoping to be able to face it and do what is needed in spite of fear…

I originally took the antidepressants for mood. But I noticed that when I skipped a day or so and ran out I would have quite bad flare ups. That was when I figured out that they played a role in pain management.

Oh, so you’ve experienced first hand the connection between antidepressants and physical pain.. it’s good to know about it, and also that certain types of antidepressants don’t have negative side-effects (thanks Anita for researching that!).

I think I’m going to have to do a colonoscopy. I’ve never done one before so I was nervous. But I read that you are sedated so that sounds much better to me.

Oh, sorry to hear that. I’ve had colonoscopy before and was sedated, so didn’t feel anything. The prep was actually worse for me, I was quite exhausted by the end. But really, better to do it if you suspect there might be a problem, better have it checked on time. 🤞

I am rooting for you, Alessa! 🙏

❤️❤️

Dear Anita,

I wish you nothing but success, Tee. I am rooting for you!

Thank you so much, Anita! 🫶 🤍

If there’s fear in that face emoji (I think there is), then I admire you not only for standing up for what is Right but also, for doing so in spite of fear or discomfort.

It’s the usual perplexed face emoji (I’m not very versatile in my use of emojis 🙂 ). It’s not so much fear that I feel, but discomfort, since it’s not pleasant to not get along, to have tension in relationships, including in online communication. But sometimes we must say something, and so, it was unpleasant, but what I felt compelled to do.

but I am not sorry. I think that the fear of her is appropriate and a sign of mental health. It’s the past dissociation from this fear that was sickness.

This does not mean that she is currently, as a person, dangerous to me. It means that my inner child (the one previously dissociated/ blocked/ suppressed) is now allowed to feel the fear of her.

In other words, feeling fear of her NOW is progress.

Oh okay.. to be honest, I am a little surprised to hear this, because you’ve been sharing in the past 3 months as well as earlier about your pervasive fear that you felt towards your mother as a child: fear of her killing you or herself, fear of her scolding and physical abuse, fear to speak openly (the episode with your uncle Morris, when she was looking at you threateningly and so you didn’t dare to answer his question honestly), and many other episodes.

It didn’t seem like you were dissociated from that fear, but very much in the grips of it. So I don’t quite understand?

Regarding your desire to save your mother, you said:

She was a victim as a child, growing up. She was not a victim in the context of.. being my (and others’) perpetrator. I have empathy for her in context.

Yes, that’s what you rationally know that she was a perpetrator. However, you’ve shared that for the longest time you believed she was a victim (both your victim and everyone else’s victim), because you believed her narrative. You said that you wanted to be her hero, someone who will save her from her predicament.

But what I was specifically referring to is a corrective exercise that you shared on Nov 1, 2025, where you were recalling the scene from your school, when your mother was yelling at your music teacher.

In this exercise you imagined that you would be taken away from her to a safer place/home. But your LGA didn’t like that idea – she was worried what would happen to your mother:

LGA: HELP MY MOTHER.
Her pain was Everything, her Pain was so overwhelming, so all-consuming that there was.. nothing else that mattered.
LGA: But Mother, mother is here, she’s in PAIN!
LGA: who will save her?
LGA: Who will take care of My Mother?

This is what made me believe that there was a part of you who wanted to save your mother, even till very recently. And so that’s what I was referring to…

Sincerely, I don’t think I hear her shaming messages anymore. I still repeat my daily mantra of removing or peeling off chronic shame and guilt, but I don’t feel those anymore, I don’t think.

Good to hear that! 🤍

Unfortunately (her sad/ scared), the bladder infection part of the cold has returned 2 days after I stopped taking the pills for it, so I restarted this morning.

Sorry to hear about your bladder infection… but it should clear up nicely, with antibiotics. I hope it’s getting better by now 🤞

I’m very happy about the progress with Bogart: that he hasn’t vomited in the car, isn’t scared of the taproom, and is more willing to socialize with people and other small dogs. That’s a really great development, Anita! 🙏 As Alessa said, it shows you know how to treat him in a positive, calming way, which makes you a great dog mom 😊

🤍 🫶 🙏 🫶 🤍

Dear Alessa,

Funnily enough, medication for pain relief these days is turning to neurotransmitters. Not because of mental health, but it turns out neurotransmitters manage a lot of functions in the body. Serotonin apparently blocks pain signals in the spinal cord. And regulates sleep, which is very important for managing pain sensitivity.

Wow, I didn’t know that! I’ve looked it up and really, studies have shown that antidepressants are efficient in treating chronic pain. The recommendation is to weigh the pros and cons, because I guess antidepressants can have some negative side-effects. I guess you’re right – it’s best to look for natural serotonin boosters, such as exercise and sunlight.

I didn’t know it either that sunlight increases serotonin. I read that:

sunlight significantly increases serotonin production in the brain, boosting mood, focus, and feelings of well-being.

Cool! It actually makes sense, because one feels better when there’s sunshine, specially in winter. But I didn’t know it was because of serotonin 😊

I’m glad you’re feeling better after receiving your medicine. And that your son is sleeping better too! 🤞 🙏

Wishing you a happy and healthy New Year, Alessa!

✨ ❤️

Dear Anita and Alessa,

wishing you both a happy, healthy, peaceful and abundant New Year!

✨🎉🌟🤍

Dear Anita, I’m glad you’re feeling better and your cold completely gone! Wishing you lots of enjoyable walks with Bogart in the new year! 🤞 😊 🤍

Dear Anita,

I love your posts on the other thread: Tee calling it like it is! Tee will not be told to be quiet and obey!

Thanks, Anita. To be honest, I don’t like conflict, I’m not looking forward to it at all. But I felt something needed to be said, because the style of communication was not respectful, but was putting people down. And so I felt the need to address it… but as I said, I don’t like situations like this at all 😕

Since I haven’t been in any contact with her for about 12 years, and I’ve been significantly healing recently, I am no longer dissociated, so the FEAR of her- I FEEL it. It’s real and intense.

I’m sorry your fear is still pretty intense.

Even in the most physically weak state, she WILL divide me and turn me against.. me, weakening me in this way, which is her life legacy in my life (self-division, disintegration, dissociation, chronic shame and guilt)

I understand your trepidation, and it will take gradual healing. But the bottom line is that your mother can only be a threat if there is a part of you that still believes her lies. If there is a “hook” in you, by which she can catch you.

It’s good that you’ve become aware of the various lies that she conditioned you to accept (lies about yourself, her, other people and the world). If you believe any of those lies, she will have a “weapon” against you.

The problem is that those lies run deeper than our conscious mind – they are in our subconscious. Our inner child believes them. Which means that in order to stop believing them, we’ll need to heal our inner child.

So the goal would be to become a parent for our inner child, who will tell positive, affirming things to our inner child (to counter your mother’s lies), and also who will protect LGA from your mother’s attacks. Because even if you haven’t spoken to your mother for 12 years, your inner child is still living in the same old dynamic: feeling terrified of your mother, perhaps even feeling sorry for her and believing that she is the victim, etc.

You have been working with LGA on rewriting some of those old programs, e.g. the program that your mother is a victim whom you need to protect. So perhaps that “program” is not so strongly active any more?

But another program, in which you’re afraid of her ruining your sense of self and breaking you down psychologically (“she WILL divide me and turn me against.. me, weakening me in this way”) is probably still pretty strong…

The goal would be to work on strengthening your sense of self. Whenever there is doubt and the inner critic (your mother’s internalized voice) starts shaming you, to stop that voice and give yourself compassion.

The adult Anita – the good parent – should stop the harmful messages of the inner critic, and counter them with a loving, supportive message. That’s how you can protect LGA from your mother’s attacks.

So whenever you hear the voice of the inner critic, you should counter it with self-compassion. I think that’s how you should be able to strengthen LGA and in turn achieve that she is less afraid of your mother.

What do you say?

About that LOVE ME longing post from yesterday, similar to other such posts in the past (and more to come), it’s the undoing of dissociation work as part of my healing; going back in time and having the dissociated, silent inner child SPEAK.

It’s okay as long as you also let the inner child know that she is not alone, that the adult Anita is there for her.

Because if you keep repeating your longing and telling yourself that it will never be satiated (The DESIRE to be loved by her: endless.. And futile. A never to be satisfied DESIRE. It’s a thirst that can never be quenched.), it might actually strengthen the old belief that there is no way out, and that you’ll be stuck in that hopeless longing forever.

So if you let the LGA speak and express her pain, but not offer to soothe her and comfort her, it might actually reaffirm the trauma.

But if you take her in your arms and soothe her, telling her that you love her and cherish her, it will actually start changing that old imprint. It will be healing for LGA (rewriting the old script and healing the old trauma). At least that’s how I view it…

I hope you’re slowly getting out of the cold/flu… How is Bogart doing? Have you found the way to protect the computer cables and other important items from being chewed on?

🤍 🫶 🙏 🫶 🤍

Dear Anita,

I am sorry you were feeling poorly yesterday.. how is it today? Hope you’re feeling better… I’m glad that breathing helped you not panic 🙏

I’ll reply to the rest of your post a bit later, probably only tomorrow.

Good to hear that you can use the computer again – that’s one piece of good news! 😊

Take care, and till later!

🤍 🫶 🤍

Hi James,

Of course, your love in this forum is not true (most of the people here). Because, if I say something bad or tough (I talked like that to show you guys what separate self is), you guys just get angry and protective. Love doesn’t depend on circumstances or situation, love is the moment. Therefore, your love is a game of ego.

Excellent, James, for protecting your ego even more from the onslaughts of truth 😉

BTW, Jesus reacted differently to scribes and Pharisees and money changers, and differently to people in real need… his love wasn’t always the same either…