Hi Monk,

In a manner of obsession as you put it, no, I’m not obsessed with her.

But yes, I am obsessed in the idea in protecting and taking care of her and others that are really close to me. I really can’t bear the thought of loosing them and if anything happens to them, I wouldn’t be able to bear the guilt because of the blame that I will put myself under.

Whether my extremely strong feelings are reciprocated, equally for that matter, I wouldn’t be able to put a yardstick on it. However, she returns it in some way that makes me feel like a normal person. Makes me feel like I belong somewhere.

Maybe so. Maybe the answer that I am seeking for lies within me. But I’m so exhausted and lost that I don’t even know where to look for it.. and within myself as you said. Or I don’t even know what I am looking at at this point.

Nevertheless, everything now is irrelevant because, as Al stated, things could dramatically altered or taken at any given point in time… and it has. I’m going to have to start a new topic with that linking to this post.

Much, much appreciated for any comments. I really do need some kind of a response. I’m so lost right now that I can’t hear God anymore. Thanks for those words of prayers. But before I commit to it, do we really have to be limited in doing things for the ones we love? I know I’m talking crazy right now but really, why are we so limited in this sense. I’m not asking God for a sinful deed. All I wanted is for my sister is to be blessed with happiness, health and safety. I’d be more than happy if those blessings comes through me so that I’d be able to see her everyday and know that I have the power and ability to be there for her if I’m needed. Why? Why did God made me go through this torture? Needless to say, I’d go crazy if anything happens to her.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Brandon.