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September 7, 2018 at 9:57 am in reply to: What type of friendship would this be called or am I making a fool of myself? #224627
thirst_of_validationParticipant@Anita: What you described is exactly her, very accurate.
Yes she is the one, we had decided no gifts for our wedding but she gave the me gift 2 months in advance as a surprise and said “You are a good person and a good friend that is why I wanted to gift you and wedding is a special occasion so please do accept the gift”, yes she attended my wedding as it was around the same time she was visiting her home too, my reaction I was overwhelmed, felt a little obligated and I could say a little burdened too, in times when I felt bad due to her behavior I used to feel has she bought me to maintain a relation due to a gift.
For the referral I knew I did not have the exact skill sets their team was looking for but since this was an internal position wanted to try my luck, post interview and discussion with her team she provided me all the feedback the good, the areas of improvement to qualify and that there maybe be another position again next year. I reacted with a deep thank you for the opportunity.
She invited me for a sleepover when my husband was on a business trip for couple of weeks, I declined because firstly I had some of those episodic experiences and did not know what I would do if I had to face the same when visiting her home and secondly made plans to keep myself busy and catch up with some other friends during that time.
Yes I did invite her once and she was ready to visit too but unfortunately we had to push out the event we had decided for another few weeks and she was going to visit home the following week for her brother’s wedding.
September 7, 2018 at 9:43 am in reply to: What type of friendship would this be called or am I making a fool of myself? #224625thirst_of_validationParticipant@ Prash: This friendship has been about 5 years, my expectations are exactly as you mentioned just a healthy balance. I am willing to invest for that balance but I feel the effort and feeling are not mutual. What feels right to me is to keep a bit more distance for my own emotional health, these things affect me and now I am starting to feel foolish for my approach in keeping up the friendship. There are days when we chat on a daily basis, meet frequently, go for a walk, talk about our families inquire about their well being etc. and there are days when my questions are questioned or I am being smirked at my thoughts when expressed.
Being in the same professional environment I do not want things to go sour and even not that I don’t care about the friendship but I am unable to set my limits and expectations about her.
thirst_of_validationParticipantHi dreaming715,
Yes I can totally relate to these feelings, been there and still there, these thoughts do bother me at times but I just get myself busy to overcome them atleast for a period of time.
My analysis is we have an emotional attachment towards our close friends, friends, acquaintances and even things we do on a day to day basis. It is not wrong to expect an initiation after you have been sincerely doing your part. From my experiences I can say that it does not matter to many, people don’t care about your feelings, their other chores and lifestyle becomes a priority, your availability care and affection is taken for granted and speaking up to them since being close friends hurts more because it does not end your turmoil.
I do understand all you expect is a little casual time once in a while but it costs you too much, I have walked away from such friendships because I did not want to hurt myself anymore.
Something I learned from my husband is to initiate less but respond well when someone initiates contact or is willing to meet you etc.
I agree with your counselor to join a group with common interests and just get involved in group activities that would make you happy not for friendships as such but for your own inner happiness, I am starting to find friendships like love if they are meant to be there they will stick around 🙂
I am glad to have found you on this forum and hope I was able to soothe your worried mind atleast a little bit.
Thank you.
thirst_of_validationParticipantThank you Anita, I would agree on the misuse of power but not sure how I can deal with it from my end.
thirst_of_validationParticipantThank you Jennifer, I just realized from your post about the “taking things too personally part” which I am applying to my mom as well, while I am dealing with it overall never thought of it until you mentioned.
I agree the more I see it lacking the more I would find those signs and want to chase them.
For the piece of clarification: its about the control and right on my earnings, not that she charges rent but a lot of demands and expectations when she visits me, I fulfill them to an extent that I am broke for that amount of time.
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