Well its almost 3am and after having a conversation with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 gears he tells me be needs time to find himself. This is not the first time he has said this. Only he says it and then quickly acts as though everything is OK by asking for a hug, but with a smirk. He cheated on me twice I took him back. And now he constantly is up and out of the house all day everyday. Says he hates living where we live and the people around us, but let me add he talks to and does favors for everyone he says he can’t stand. I’m pretty much simple and laid back. I don’t like where I live nor do I like the people either, but I just stay away from them. I don’t say hi and I don’t say but. I don’t associate myself with them . he has been very abuse in a verbal kind of way. Pointing out little flaws of mine mostly physical attributes. Picks fights and leaves. Then comes back like maybe 6 to 8 hours later. And not to be to personal but is always looking for sex right when he comes back. Like OK I did all my running and do your job please me. I already do everything he gets treated like a freaking king. You name it he gets it. And all I ask for is time. Not 10 minutes here and then go, or maybe a half hour. Then maybe most of the day, but then just when I’m happy and comfortable he finds something else he just absolutely needs to do. When I address him he just responds with I can go where ever I want to go do whatever I want. He says he doesn’t feel like it should be a problem if he wants to go somewhere he should just be able to go. Mind you I’m sick with several different illnesses and don’t do much as I’m limited, but he knew this when he met me. I to was in a 14 year abusive marriage and ate absolutely everything he did to me or said. I mean I was his wife I have four kids with him. This was my thinking. Then I just wanted to be free of the abuse. I did and ended up in this now 2 1/2 year relationship. My kids call him dad. Because he portrayed himself as someone else with the same interest as mine. And now he wants to leave me to find himself. I don’t know how to deal with this right now. I’m struggling with how someone can just walk away from a person who has giving every part of them to this person my love, my trust, my loyalty, introducing my kids and allowing them to get comfortable and now them having to adjust to bit having him here. The normal routine. Which in my opinion not so normal. I really thought if I just loved him enough. If I just accepted as much as I could it would work. I simply said how I felt and of course he twist everything to totally disregarding my feelings and making himself the victim. I know its better we split our ways because we just don’t live the same. But he always comes back.saying he has strong feelings for me. He even asked me if he could come back to visit with the kids here and there. I responded by telling him I would rather we didn’t speak after this. It would only make things harder on me, that I respected his first time honesty that its just really a shame he took me this far. You awaken my heart with no good intentions. I feel betrayed. Adn hurt even more for my kids. Because if this is gonna be a devastating loss to me and its hard for me to handle. How are they gonna deal? They are so young. I already have no trust for people anymore. No friends because of such betrayal using me only to they’re benifit being emotionally, financially, sexually. I’m just drained. I need some strength right now. I’m trying to be calm and just accept. After telling me this he still lays there in my bed and is comfortable enough tobfall asleep, and here I lay awake. What was I thinking. I just don’t understand I’m a powerhouse with or without a man. I pay for everything, I take full responsibility. I try to keep it light for him so he will be around more often, but why??? He breaks me down when he’s here and I drive myself crazy wondering what he is doing when he not here. Please any advice would be great at this point. Thank you so much in advance if you have read this whole longgg rant lol.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Thrownback.