Michael, there are years that ask questions and years that provide answers. We can never be sure how trauma separates us from ourselves. Your words reminded me of the old saying that sometimes the thing we need the most, we seek from others when we should be seeking it from ourselves. Grief and sadness can’t be the ties that bind with others so you aren’t bonding because you are in years that ask the questions. Who are you now? Where are you going? What can you give to others and what can you receive? If you can’t list the same thing for these two lists, you aren’t ready for healthy fulfilling relationships with others so just go to a few meet ups and join a book club and smile at strangers and remember that you deserve kindness, love and compassion…especially from yourself. Don’t force yours,ef to do what you think you should. That is way too much pressure on yourself. Be kind to you, be patient with you and know that you aren’t really alone. You have friends, you just need to find them. I met my best friend at the age of 32. We are never too old to find our heart families.

S, I know it took real courage to write your post. Seeking faith in humanity can only be accomplished by interacting with people. I have also been discriminated against and have felt deep sadness and anger before, yet as I grow and become more aware of the good that surrounds us, I find that we are interconnected more than I ever thought possible. Sometimes I meditate on compassion because it helps me to see something more in others. I also only participate in reading, speaking and interacting with positive, healthy people. I have learned how to spot red flags and therefore release toxic people. Most of us are just like you, wanting to be treated with kindness and wanting a calm and peaceful life.

He has nothing to be ashamed of or to be forgiven for. He had a life where he was learning and growing and now he is the great person you love and adore. Judgment of our lover’s pasts or of our importance based on our comparative insecurities isn’t fair to them. He isn’t with them. He also isn’t hiding anything or trying to be someone he isn’t. Your insecurity is something in you that you need to excavate. Why are you feeling inferior? What is it about you that you think is lacking? Fear of his past will change you into someone you no longer recognize and he cannot respect.