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Tir

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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 35 total)
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  • in reply to: On love and morality #67032
    Tir
    Participant

    Starting any relationship in fear of duplicity only attracts duplicity. It seems as though Using guided principles such as acceptance and compassion would lessen the implications that morality is somehow tied to ego. Morality is a set of constructs placed as boundaries to make sure the people we let in our life treats us with respect and goodness. Jerry did not receive Martha with an open heart or spirit because he was expecting the other shoe to drop and for Martha to be untrustworthy so everything she did was a test and she failed it due to the Laws of Attraction. He projected unworthiness in her and so she failed him because he was expecting that. Another man, who was more compassionate and open hearted would have seen the situation differently. He would have seen someone used to rejection due to her past and would have understood that she lied from an emotional, fragile place instead of a malicious one. Expectations are good but they lead to attachment to ideas rather than a connection of spirit. Also, sometimes expectations can be flawed due to pain and hurt that needs to be dealt with from previous relationships rather than move onto new ones where they taint the new person, or make them seem duplicitous or malicious due to residual anger and pain. The two people you referred to both became ill from depression due to each other so it is best they move on. This is what is termed a toxic relationship, and they np both sounded like unhealthy, immature people. Couples who know compassion, who do not rely on each other to make the other happy and who are well adjusted would probably have the tools to deal with past omissions and treat each other with compassion and respect instead of duplicity and depression.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 5 months ago by Tir.
    in reply to: Why do we always want what we can't have #66964
    Tir
    Participant

    Steve, being rejected is never easy. It is Hard. I think you have some real insight into why that may have happened. Yet, logic isn’t always apparent in other peoples feelings or why they feel a need to move forward or to stop. Sometimes it can be internal sociological responses to something she may have had in a previous relationship or something small like how you make her feel no passion. I don’t know and won’t guess as it really doesn’t matter in the long term goals you are wanting for yourself. When people tell us how they feel, we need to believe it and just move on. Your energy is better served by accepting her decision, grieving the possibilities and losses, and moving on. The sad thing is regardless of how one person feels, it never works unless both are in it with the same amount of passion and dedication. She couldn’t give you that, but there is someone who will. The mistake we all make is when we are hurt, we withdraw. Receiving and accepting love is courageous, especially after rejection. You sound so very wonderful, I would hate to see you give up and not put yourself out there for the woman who will feel equal amounts of love and respect that you will feel. Let go of the could have been woman with equanimity and compassion and focus on pulling someone who wants the same thing as you to as in the Laws of Attraction. Good luck.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 5 months ago by Tir.
    in reply to: Surrendering My "Love Life" to the Universe #66962
    Tir
    Participant

    Why was this post reported as inappropriate? Is this site homophobic or something? This concerns me as I do not want to be a part of a spiritual support group that condones and practices homophobia?

    in reply to: Difficult emotions arising from meditation #66961
    Tir
    Participant

    Have you considered just letting it be without judging it? Just calmly let the tears come and look at it with curiosity in how amazing your spiritual cleansing is that you are feeling it during meditation? Sometimes we just need to feel it, observe it with compassion and curiosity and let it go. It is ok to grieve an opportunity and relationship as lost, and to learn from it what you need to learn from it.

    in reply to: Shut Me Out Without Communication #66959
    Tir
    Participant

    The hardest lesson to learn in life is letting go. There is no logic to others actions sometimes so in order to cope well in life, we have to just accept what people tell us. He said he doesn’t want you so accept that and move on to someone who does. Don’t settle for binding your emotions in someone who won’t fight for you or even wants you. Find the person who will do anything to be with you. That is who will be a true friend and lover.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 5 months ago by Tir.
    Tir
    Participant

    There is only one way to get through hell….to keep walking until one day you come out of the other side. Ask for support from people, your church, your friends, anyone who is compassionate and understanding. Also, be nurturing and self care right now because often when we are going through a rough patch we neglect ourselves and that only serves to make things worse. Get out and exercise, shop for a new job or go back to the old one, and if you can, find someone to talk to who isn’t in the situation with you. This is the time to try to reach out and find support. I’m sending you positive energy and lots of caring. I’m so sorry you are going through so much right now.

    in reply to: other peoples' expectations < having fun #66957
    Tir
    Participant

    One of the hardest things to do is to cut that parental tie with your parents. Your mom probably still sees you as a little girl. Help her not see you as that little girl by living your own life. You only get one life so you live it and let your mom know that you are going to be ok because you are making conscious choices. Living life is a balance and career should be no more important than anything else like spirituality, family, relationships, social, wellness and recreation. People often regret what they didn’t do more than any mistakes they made. I know I have. Good luck and enjoy your beautiful life. Your mom will learn that you will be ok and you are an adult now when you make your own path.

    in reply to: Judgmental patner #66956
    Tir
    Participant

    Any negativity is an impediment to peace. Can you speak to him to find out what his payoff is in doing this? Maybe he has some issues he needs understanding and compassion with. I would try to speak with him to find out why he needs to do this. If this is just his personality, you may have to distance yourself emotionally from his reflections and tune out his negativity. The other thing you can do is to ask him not to criticize around you as it messes with your chi.

    in reply to: my husbands addicted to…. #66672
    Tir
    Participant

    Melissa, just wanted you to know I’m sending you some positive energy. Seeking therapy for him is definitely a positive step. Are there any support groups you can join? Can you talk to a specialist in porn addiction to determine what the relevance of this content could be? I’m glad you reached out here. Hopefully, someone else will have some insight into this problem. I just wanted to let you know that I listened and am sorry your family is going through this.

    in reply to: Surrendering My "Love Life" to the Universe #66671
    Tir
    Participant

    I think this post could have been written by many people who search for meaning and a lasting loving relationship. Everything you described, aside from coming out, sounds a lot like my own struggles for different reasons. Trust isn’t something I learned about because of my own childhood which was filled with abuse. I had no idea how one loved others when I was having a hard time loving myself due to abandonment and emotional abuse.
    It really sounds like you are on a wonderful path filled with finding yourself. Like attracts like and so when I became my authentic self and dealt with my childhood abuse, I became someone who was in love, in love with herself. I finally figured out that love isn’t so much a Feeling as actions that were relevant and present everyday. Actions spoke louder than words. The almost guys were preparing me for the just right guy who has been my rock and my partner for twenty years. Without all of those close but not exactly men, you would never be able to figure out who you are and what you need to do in order to feel whole, valued and connected. In other words, you wouldn’t be the man you are today. Searching and seeking with loving kindness is finding meaning in ourselves to share with another soul. Thanks for sharing your story.

    in reply to: DUI and the shame. #66670
    Tir
    Participant

    If you are still drinking, there is a wonderful support Aussie community called Hello Sunday Morning that uses a FaceBook style check in system to help people change their relationship with alcohol. http://Www.hellosundaymorning.com

    Shame and regret are paralyzingly so please think about therapy and seeking support from others who share your struggles. You don’t have to be alone with this. You are alive and well, and you have an opportunity to change the parameters of your existence. I certainly used therapy and support groups to change mine as a survivor of child abuse. Time to let go of the past, and grab the moments right now for definite change.

    in reply to: Teenage Daughter Seeking Male Attention #66668
    Tir
    Participant

    Bunny, an absent opposite sex parent can be devastating to a child’s development, and even at 16, she is still a child. A certified therapist who deals with divorce and an absent parent could help your daughter see where she is getting her need for outside male validation. She doesn’t have to wait until college to work on her issues, she actually would be safer and more open to it with you around to help her through therapy. Make sure she knows that your door is always open and you aren’t being judgmental, just concerned. I think you are a super mother. So many people go through their entire lives trying to be validated by their peers and strangers. You can really help her find the tools she needs to deal with feelings of self loathing and low self esteem that abandonment issues bring about. Good luck.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 5 months ago by Tir.
    in reply to: What's the point/Why Bother? #66667
    Tir
    Participant

    The spiritual path teaches you the difference between learning and regret, about being and acceptance. The point is that there is a million points but they are fluid and in tandem with what you accept and what you let go of. When I feel an existential moment, I immerse myself in nature because the beauty and vastness of it all with the magical reality of science meeting wonder makes me understand interconnectedness in a way that paychecks, personal relationships and societal conformity or lack thereof never will. Also, read Viktor Frankl’S Mans Search for Meaning because it gives those of us with existential crises something to think about outside of ego. I hope you find meaning within and without. This may not seem like it right now, but seeking is a good thing.

    in reply to: Asymmetry #66495
    Tir
    Participant

    There has to be a balance in relationships. It isn’t all about changing ourselves for others but working together on compromises that both can feel good about. No One should be callous or verbally abuse you. That worries me more than anything and I would caution you to not be bullied and nagged into losing your voice and your desires. Egolessness doesn’t mean giving your power or voice to someone else. You Might want to reconsider a relationship that causes this much angst and feels so toxic. Change is something we all do to become better people, not to check the boxes of people whom we feel are controlling us and verbally abusing us. That isn’t what love and commitment are about.

    in reply to: Am I being unreasonable? #66442
    Tir
    Participant

    No, it sounds as though you are being thoughtful.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 35 total)