July 4, 2014 at 10:39 pm #60228
I am so ashamed, fearful, uncertain, embarrassed. I am so lost and i don’t know what to do to get control of my life. I am 2 years in to a 10 year loss of license. I lost my job, my freedom, self respect, lots of money, confidence and the ability to take care of myself financially. I don’t know where to turn. I don’t know who I am or what I want or how to get it. My self esteem is in the toilet.July 5, 2014 at 1:45 am #60232Susan CParticipant
I’m not going to rant about how I feel about DUI in order to add to your shame. You’ve been punished and you’ve had 2 years to reflect on your wrong doing.
Suffice to say that a close friend has been affected by the actions of a drunk driver and she has lost so much more than the things you list.
Maybe I am not the most sympathetic person to respond to you but you are here for advice not sympathy right?
Firstly you have listed things you have lost. Well the only one of those that you can’t get back is your licence (not for 8 years at least) So the decision you need to make is does the success of the next 8 years of your life depend on having a license? Are you going to put your life on hold until then?
If the answer is No then you have to start planning on getting your life back on track.
Freedom – I don’t know where you live but if there’s a public transport system use it, get yourself a bike, be creative advertise for car share buddies (except you won’t be driving)
Job & Financial stability – You’ll need to look outside the box, find employment that doesn’t require a license. You might need to re-train or start a home business there are possibilities. After all if you remain unemployed for the next 8 years you’like struggle to find employment when you do get your license back. Besides a license can’t be all you have to offer an employer. What are your other skills & qualities? Write them down. Ask others to continue. This will also help your self esteem.
As for the shame you feel, why not put that to good use? You have clearly demonstrated here that your license is not the only thing you lose if you DUI. The consequences of that moment of madness are severe. You could use your experience to volunteer to talk to groups who may be at risk of DUI, college students or something. Find a local organisation who might be able to facilitate you doing that. If not that then any voluntary work whilst you don’t have a job. You will be putting something back into your community and making some amends for your offence.
The only way to regain your self respect is to start doing things that deserve your respect.
If you start tackling some of the above your life will begin to piece back together and your self esteem will grow.
With best wishes
SueAugust 15, 2014 at 11:36 am #63456JonnyParticipant
I have known many people who have been charged with a DUI, including two members of my own family. My uncle and my grandfather were both drunk drivers who had multiple DUI’s. My grandfather lost his life in a car accident, but my uncle; I believe that the crippling shame made it worse for him. Not only was he a drinker but also a drug abuser and he lost his wife and kids through divorce. I don’t believe that there was any going back after he had lost that much. So think about how much you’ve lost, but more importantly think about how much you still have.
My friend and previous co-worker has succeeded in getting past the setbacks of a DUI. He has worked in fast-food restaurants, car-wash places. Although they are low-paying jobs, any bit helps. As long as you know that you’ve learned from your mistake, give yourself another chance. Think positively about what is here in the now, not what you have lost in the past. Things can get better the moment you start looking up.
I hope all goes well,
JonnyOctober 21, 2014 at 1:47 pm #66590TodzillaParticipant
Don’t forget that your actions, fortunately, did not take anyone’s life (I’m assuming) or cause much destruction beyond your own circumstances. In this sense, you may try to feel the good fortune that events have given you a great opportunity to grow. You can use this to help others and help yourself heal.October 22, 2014 at 11:12 pm #66670TirParticipant
If you are still drinking, there is a wonderful support Aussie community called Hello Sunday Morning that uses a FaceBook style check in system to help people change their relationship with alcohol. http://Www.hellosundaymorning.com
Shame and regret are paralyzingly so please think about therapy and seeking support from others who share your struggles. You don’t have to be alone with this. You are alive and well, and you have an opportunity to change the parameters of your existence. I certainly used therapy and support groups to change mine as a survivor of child abuse. Time to let go of the past, and grab the moments right now for definite change.October 23, 2014 at 5:47 pm #66708
Thank you very much!October 23, 2014 at 5:49 pm #66709
Than God that I didn’t hurt anyone!