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ella

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Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
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  • in reply to: I think im starting to hate my mother #195041
    ella
    Participant

    To anita: no, im not from Marrakech. Im european but i dont know why my uncle said that. He was saying someh like if they sold me there and things like that.

    Thanks again, this site is really helpful.

    in reply to: I think im starting to hate my mother #195033
    ella
    Participant

    Thanks to everyone who answered me. It makes me feel a little bit better to know that i am entitled to be angry at her.

    To anita: i think its fun because both my dad and i are now realising how my mother is. He loves her, and is not uncomfortable with the thing that i am angry at her. In fact he agrees with me. Maybe he did some tings wrong but in general he has been a better parent than her. Thats why i show no anger at him. He has his flaws, so has everyone, but in general my arguments with him didnt affect me as much as the ones with my mother because he always tried to fix up things. Also, a fun thing is that if my dad stands at my side, my mom will resent him (i think this is very manipulative) and said that he is always trying to make her look like the bad one in front of me. The other day, as he was taking me to college, he told me that he agrees with me and that she ignores him too sometimes by playing candy crush. My dad wants us to fix things and i understand him.

    About all the anxiety and the OCD i developed, do you think my mom had something to do with? When i was a teenager i already thought sometimes i hated her. I never really thought my mom was the bomb like other girls do. Sure, shes fun, but when she laughs in front of everyone and your friends and brings up things from the past which i regret, its not fun. When i was 17 i was a very quiet girl, i never told anything about my love life, so she ended up taking my phone and tried to see what was there. She was so silly that she blocked it and i knew she tried to see it.

    Thanks again. I’ll be back when my boyfriend leaves because he just arrived.

    in reply to: I think im starting to hate my mother #194843
    ella
    Participant

    Hello Mark and thanks for answering. I just want her to admit her mistakes and i would forgive her. I do not like being angry with her but i just cant anymore.

    My dad is great and i feel bad about him too beacuse i know he is in pain. During the week i live near my college, and every weekend i go to my home town to see my pets and my family.

    I dont know if i love my mom. I know she isnt the worst mom in the world, and she has good things (she’s generous) but we never really got along since i was a teenager.

    I really want to go to my therapist again, who is also my mom’s therapist. (I went to a therapist because of my OCD and she went because depression, actually i recommended her my therapist).

    Let’s see if the storm passes, but im tired of being the one who always makes the first step to fix things.

    in reply to: Not feeling pretty enough for my boyfriend #184097
    ella
    Participant

    Thank you eliana, i am no longer friends with the guy who used to bully me even though he was always saying it was a joke. The thing is i have no self confidence and its hard for me to believe my boyfriend when he tells me he loves me and that he thinks im the most beautiful girl in the world and i dont know how to change my mind. Thank you again

    in reply to: Not feeling pretty enough for my boyfriend #184095
    ella
    Participant

    Hello anita and thanks for answering me. What i mean that he still follows them, is that he hasnt unfollowed them. There is one girl that i would like him unfollowing her but i dont want to ask him. He stopped following models and liking pics but he still follows them. Although he always says how pretty i am and that he really likes me, we’ve been 6 days apart and he hasnt told me that he misses having sex with me. I cant help but feeling like he wont find me attractive. Also i feel like he’s more distant and cold since we havent seen each other for 6 days and wont see him until the 7th of January. Im sad.

    in reply to: Anxiety when my boyfriend goes out. #173319
    ella
    Participant

    Hello ivhop. I do think my jealousy comes from my own insecurities because they’re all based on looks, which is my bigger concern. That maybe he will find one prettier or with a better body or with bigger boobs, things like that. He is always telling me how great i.am and that he sees me as the most beautiful woman in the world (he is the BEST, thats why the problem is mine and not his) but i dont believe him because of my own insecurities. He has never done anything to raise my jealousy or made me feel like i was less, i just feel like that because of me. Also he doesnt really go out that much, and i dont bother him going out but i just worry that maybe because he goes out he Will find a more beautiful girlfriend.

    in reply to: Anxiety when my boyfriend goes out. #173315
    ella
    Participant

    Hello Eliana and thanks for answering. I talked to my boyfriend and he told me that he didnt answered me because he wasnt thinking about the phone and that he didnt even thought about the phone.

    Also, he doesnt really go out that much so i dont really mind, its not like he’s out partying every day, he maybe goes out once a month or so.

    Also, we study on the same city, however on the weekends we both leave to our local city to see our parents, so he has his friends here and ive got mine here (i only got one friend because last year i lost them all because they were very toxic friends and one of them rrally affected my self esteem, so now i only got my friend that ive known since birth but sometimes i still feel a bit lonely) so we cant really go out together on the weekends thats why he never takes me with him. Its not because he doesnt want to take me with him, its just that we cant physiclly go out during thw weekends because of distance. I did once went to see a football game with one of his friends. Also i really dont think i would go out with all his male friends, i would be constantly worried about being judged by them.

    I would try your advice and do things. Thank you again.

    in reply to: Anxiety when my boyfriend goes out. #173313
    ella
    Participant

    Hello anita, i answered you but i really dont know how this forums works so i maybe clicked the wrong button. My thoughts started in summer 3 years ago because i had no friends and i felt really alone. I dont know why, It just happened. I would love to hear your sight on these. Oh, and my mom is also diagnosed with an obssessive disorder too, if it has something to be.

    Thank you for your kind words.

    in reply to: How to stop being mad and jealous #170245
    ella
    Participant

    Thank you both for answering me again

    PearceHawk: i think im a jealous person and sometimes i can feel a bit possessive but i rarely act on it. Sometimes i can be angry and that, but i would never forbid my boyfriend doing something. Even when i have felt jealous i have told him. The only thing i asked him not to do was liking hot pictures of hot girls on instagram because it affected my self esteem, he understood and he stopped doing that. I dont think i am a crazy girlfriend. Sometimes i still feel jealousy and that, but i know it isnt right. I have talked to him about this, told him about how i felt jealous but i also told him that i knew that feeling that wasnt good.

    I know jealousy is a bad thing, but sometimes i cant help but feel it. I really want to stop feeling this way. Deep down i know this jealousy is based on my low self esteem, and he knows it. I told him that i know i have to work on my self esteem because my sometimes fear of him cheating its just based on that. He is a nice Guy and a great caring boyfriend so there isnt anything that he could make me feel he is cheating on me, its my problem.

    However, even when i know sometimes i can be a jealous person, i have NEVER sneaked through his phone, his texts or something. I do, and i feel guilty, stalked him. Who he followed on instagram or things like that. He followed an account that posted pics of boobs (and im very embarassed of my boobs because they are little, even though he always tells me he loves them) and i was like passive agressive about him following that account on twitter because he was with me when one tweet of this account appeared on his timeline. He, in the end, stopped following them and i know it was because of me. Some weeks later i knew that what i did eas wrong and i told him that i was sorry and he understood again.

    Also, if he’s out with his friends i really dont mind. Sometimes i fear that maybe he id cheating on me and i get so anxious, but as i said, its because of my low self esteem.

    In conclusion, everytime i have felt jealous i have talked to him, and like that time that i was passive-agressive about him following them and he unfollowed them, i ended up realizing that what i did was wrong and i said i was sorry.

    I know im not perfect and i have to work on my self esteem and that will cause me feeling less jealousy (i think)

    Do you think i can change or that im a bad person because of the mistake i made about that account on twitter? I always try to talk him about my feelings, lately more than ever because i know its better than keep it.

    I love him and i want to stop feeling jealousy. Do you think i can change or that i will be that type of crazy girlfriend? I have to say that my boyfriend is like you. He is NEVER jealous. And that says a lot about him. As i said before, he is the greates Guy ever and i admire him so much. I wish i could be like him in every way. I love him more than anyone, because he is so good to me, you just cant imagine, thats why i want to change and be as good as him, because he deserves it.

    To anita: the feeling of being a bad person started as soon as my intrusive thoughts and OCD started.

    in reply to: How to stop being mad and jealous #170031
    ella
    Participant

    Hello again anita and sorry im late. As of your answer, my boyfriend is a great man. He is the most wonderful man i’ve ever met. He is caring, treats me right and is always there for me.

    However i do feel like sometimes im a bit possessive or something. I suffer from OCD so i have intrusive thoughts about me being a bad person.

    For example, the other day it bothered me that he was going to go out without me when i told i him i didnt want to go, because i was a bit depressed. I dont undertand why it bothered me because if i dont want to go out he doesnt have to stay home with me, but deep down i was expecting he would… And now im thinking im a bad person because i wanted him to stay with me and not go out. However, deep down i wanted to go out with him but sometimes im a bit bitter and its just hard for me to go out.

    Im always thinking “am i a good girlfriend or am i toxic?” because of the things i get bothered. I just want to not be bothered by these kind of things.

    in reply to: How to stop being mad and jealous #169024
    ella
    Participant

    Thank you anita, its just i dont think its fair me being mad at him for having fun. I know i dont choose what i feel but the thing is i feel guilty for being mad because a lot of people think its bad to getting mad at a boyfriend for being out with his friends. Also if he wants to be out until 6 am im no one to stop him because he has his life and i dont want to be that type of person. I know the problem is mine because im very insecure about what is he doing when he is having fun, what if he founds another girl who is prettier and that kind of stuff…

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)