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Tom

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 99 total)
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  • in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #449751
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I do appreciate the time you have taken to input on this over the years.

    Thanks,
    Tom

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #449733
    Tom
    Participant

    Hey Anita,

    The full extent is just that deep down I know the role isnt for me but we need the salary to live etc. I am always keeping lookout for alternative jobs but there isn’t too much out there. We have savings but i don’t want to use them while I can continue to try my best at work until something else comes up. I have thought about re-training but more than anything would like to find a job and environment that I enjoy.

    Enjoy your weekend.

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #449642
    Tom
    Participant

    Hey Anita,

    Still battling on at work and doing my best. Always keeping my eye on the job market but it’s tough out there at the moment with little options at the level I need.

    I am taking all the positive habits out of work such as fresh air, exercise etc but as we spend so much time at work it does still get on top of me at times. I will keep ploughing on but just wanted to write this down.

    My partner and friends know some of the feelings I have but not to the full extent.

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #449000
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Sorry for the delay and I hope you’re doing well!

    I have been doing ok on the whole, still waiting for thearpy but have been keeping positive and present in my life out side of work. I did some garden project which kept me focused and spent some quality time with my dog and partner.

    I am 40 next March (2026) and still want to find a true purpose at work. I am trying my best and being postiive but deep down I know I dont belong there long term and need to find a project i enjoy and feel like I can truly be myself.

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #447013
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I am back from the trip. I am pleased to have got through it, I did feel isolated at times in the evenings but I did my best.

    I also had my kick off call with the NHS once back. They don’t believe I have depression and suffering from anxiety and have put me on a waiting list for CBT therapy. This could be around a 6-8 week wait so will continue to do my best in the meantime.

    Thanks,
    Tom

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #446737
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Hope all is well.

    I have my first call with the NHS next Wednesday to discuss things after filling in a questionnaire.

    I am writing this from the airport as I leave for a work trip until next Tuesday. Very anxious about the trip again as it’s my first time going to this event and I haven’t had much guidance / explanation on things and what is expected of me but will try my best to learn as I go.

    Will update you when back after the kick off call with the NHS.

    Thanks,

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #446477
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Hope all is well.

    I hit a big savings milestone this weekend which made me feel slightly better as I know if I did need to walk away in the short term, i would be ok for a few months.

    I have enquired with the NHS about therapy and waiting to hear back on that front.

    Tom

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #446286
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Aplogiges for the delay, I was away in the U.S on a work trip. I am back now and back to the office tomorrow and already have anxiety about this.

    Therapy is something that I will probably find very useful but I don’t really know how to begin the process and find someone suitable to talk to.

    Thanks,
    Tom

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #445768
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks for the detailed response. See responses to your questions below.

    In regard to work & confidence- What specifically in your current role has drained your confidence?
    I just doubt myself over lots of different things. Its a 150+ department and lots of people get involved in things they shouldn’t as there is no real process to stop them. It;s made me doubt myself as people challenge everything you do.

    Do you feel like the job itself is the issue, or is it the environment, expectations, or something else?
    I think its the culture and environment. Certain people never really welcomed me into the team and make things difficult. I don’t feel like i have any real ally’s in the team.

    When did you start questioning what you’re good at—was there a particular moment or pattern that triggered it?
    No, I don’t think there has been one moment. But there isn’t too much process and you are left to fend for yourslef almost and learn as you go but it’s fast paced and there is no real time to learn at my level.

    Are there aspects of your current job that you still enjoy, or has your enthusiasm faded completely?
    I would say it’s pretty much fully faded if I am being fully honest. I am anxious most days before work and when I am there.

    What used to make work feel fulfilling, and do you think that could be reignited in some way?
    I use to feel trusted and feel like i knew what i was doing. I had a good boss, a supportive one and more ownership to get stuff done with less politics. I think it can be reignited one day but not in my current role as I don’t have the same passion for the company.

    What about working in a coffee shop feels appealing—less stress, simpler tasks, more social interaction?
    Less stressful, interactions with good people and animals and simpler tasks where I am not taking work home with me.

    Do you see working in a coffee shop as something you truly want, or is it more of a contrast to the stress of your current role?
    Definitely more of a contrast to the stress I have been use to. I like the idea of going and doing a simple job and going home and not having my phone blow up out of hours.

    If you imagine yourself in a coffee shop long-term, do you think it would give you the sense of fulfillment you’re looking for?
    No, I don’t think it would long term but I believe it could help my mental health in the short term.

    What would help you rediscover what you enjoy and what you’re good at?
    That’s the million dollar question I guess and I don’t know the answer currently. I would like to be happy again and not feeling like I am not but not sure how to fully get there. I have good days but more bad than good and with bills to pay etc it’s hard to just walk away. I also lack the courage to do it without something else lined up because of what the outside thinks.

    What do you think about small ways to experiment with different work styles or environments before making a bigger shift?
    Yes, that sounds a viable idea but it’s hard to do around my current role, I know I can chat to people in different roles and industries and perhaps that is what I need to do as a step.

    Thanks again for the detailed reply.

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #445737
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Hope all is well.

    I am still perservering with things on the work front and have a trip to the US next week which I am not overly looking forward too.

    We have some holidays booked which is something to look forward too but I still feel like I need to find purpose again on the work front and something I feel like I enjoy which doesn’t stress me out as much.

    My confidence has drained a lot in my current role and it’s made me question what i am good at and what I enjoy and that is what I need to work on and discover again. I turn 40 next year which is also playing on my mind as I feel like a career change or pivot now makes me almost a failure, as naturally you find yourself comparing yourself to others. I mean right now, I feel I would be happier if i was working in a coffee shop rather than my current role but longer term I know that won’t be sustainable.

    I continue to read, exercise, and practice gratitude daily all of which I believe are helping me as is writing here on this forum so thanks for checking in.

    Tom

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #445716
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks so much for checking in. I will jot down some thoughts later this evening

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #445422
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Hope you had a good weekend.

    I am still powering on the best I can and think I am pleased with myself for showing resilience. I know I need an exit plan to focus on and my goal is to now try and work on that. My partner and I will hopefully be booking a few short breaks for later this year that will give us something to look forward to.

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #445194
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Haven’t made much progress on the therapy front and had a little breakdown this morning at home in front of my partner where I burst into tears. I was about to leave for a work trip and think it all got too much for me.

    Just wanted to jot that down for some reason.

    Thanks

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #444915
    Tom
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    thanks for the detailed response. Therapy is something I have considered but I don’t truly know where to begin with that. I will do some research into any local to me and see if this is a feasable option. I will keep you posted as always and continue to do the best i can to navigate through this periord of time.

    in reply to: Struggling to settle in new role #444856
    Tom
    Participant

    I grew up in a good home with good parents but there was often lots of arguing which has always made me shy away from arguments and not like conflict.

    Perhaps that has impacted my confidence and led to overthinking / anxiety etc?

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 99 total)