Hi Anita,

I am back from the trip. I am pleased to have got through it, I did feel isolated at times in the evenings but I did my best.

I also had my kick off call with the NHS once back. They don’t believe I have depression and suffering from anxiety and have put me on a waiting list for CBT therapy. This could be around a 6-8 week wait so will continue to do my best in the meantime.

Thanks,
Tom

Hi Anita,

Hope all is well.

I hit a big savings milestone this weekend which made me feel slightly better as I know if I did need to walk away in the short term, i would be ok for a few months.

I have enquired with the NHS about therapy and waiting to hear back on that front.

Tom

Hi Anita,

Thanks for the detailed response. See responses to your questions below.

In regard to work & confidence- What specifically in your current role has drained your confidence?
I just doubt myself over lots of different things. Its a 150+ department and lots of people get involved in things they shouldn’t as there is no real process to stop them. It;s made me doubt myself as people challenge everything you do.

Do you feel like the job itself is the issue, or is it the environment, expectations, or something else?
I think its the culture and environment. Certain people never really welcomed me into the team and make things difficult. I don’t feel like i have any real ally’s in the team.

When did you start questioning what you’re good at—was there a particular moment or pattern that triggered it?
No, I don’t think there has been one moment. But there isn’t too much process and you are left to fend for yourslef almost and learn as you go but it’s fast paced and there is no real time to learn at my level.

Are there aspects of your current job that you still enjoy, or has your enthusiasm faded completely?
I would say it’s pretty much fully faded if I am being fully honest. I am anxious most days before work and when I am there.

What used to make work feel fulfilling, and do you think that could be reignited in some way?
I use to feel trusted and feel like i knew what i was doing. I had a good boss, a supportive one and more ownership to get stuff done with less politics. I think it can be reignited one day but not in my current role as I don’t have the same passion for the company.

What about working in a coffee shop feels appealing—less stress, simpler tasks, more social interaction?
Less stressful, interactions with good people and animals and simpler tasks where I am not taking work home with me.

Do you see working in a coffee shop as something you truly want, or is it more of a contrast to the stress of your current role?
Definitely more of a contrast to the stress I have been use to. I like the idea of going and doing a simple job and going home and not having my phone blow up out of hours.

If you imagine yourself in a coffee shop long-term, do you think it would give you the sense of fulfillment you’re looking for?
No, I don’t think it would long term but I believe it could help my mental health in the short term.

What would help you rediscover what you enjoy and what you’re good at?
That’s the million dollar question I guess and I don’t know the answer currently. I would like to be happy again and not feeling like I am not but not sure how to fully get there. I have good days but more bad than good and with bills to pay etc it’s hard to just walk away. I also lack the courage to do it without something else lined up because of what the outside thinks.

What do you think about small ways to experiment with different work styles or environments before making a bigger shift?
Yes, that sounds a viable idea but it’s hard to do around my current role, I know I can chat to people in different roles and industries and perhaps that is what I need to do as a step.

Thanks again for the detailed reply.

Hi Anita,

Thanks so much for checking in. I will jot down some thoughts later this evening

Hi Anita,

Haven’t made much progress on the therapy front and had a little breakdown this morning at home in front of my partner where I burst into tears. I was about to leave for a work trip and think it all got too much for me.

Just wanted to jot that down for some reason.

Thanks

I grew up in a good home with good parents but there was often lots of arguing which has always made me shy away from arguments and not like conflict.

Perhaps that has impacted my confidence and led to overthinking / anxiety etc?

Hi Anita,

Hope you’re well.
I have another call with the career coach this Friday but in the meantime, I really continue to struggle at work. I just feel my confidence draining when I am in the building, and I don’t feel like myself. I don’t know if this is burnout or depression or what, but I know I don’t like it and really don’t know what to do. I’m putting on a brave face at work so no one would really know but I am overthinking everything and doubting myself in all situations. I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to about any of this and it is bringing me down. My partner knows I am struggling but probably not the full extent and I don’t want to bring her down also. Sorry for the vent.