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Vanessa

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    Vanessa
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    I can totally relate to this. I am studying in a foreign country too. Before coming here, I was very talkative, outgoing and pretty much center of attention. After I got here, everything changed. I felt like I am nobody. I was very anxious around people, very self conscious and eventually became anti-social. It was very over-whelming. After four years, I finally come to a point where I am getting more and more comfortable. It took me a long time; but really, it should not. So, I hope what i am sharing will be able to help in over-coming your fear.

    First of all, never let your experience in the previous course affected you. As Jessica said, take it as a lesson and do better. During my fist year in college, I tried to make friends so I joined a society council. But it was not as what I imagined, I was the quiet ones and keep getting ignored. Because of that experience, I was worrying, is this how my college life going to be? I was scared to get out there after the first experience.

    And I cannot be more agree to what Jessica said. Instead of focusing on afraid, anxious or any other negative feeling, it is better to focus on ways to meet new friends. One of the reasons it took me so long to make new friends and to be myself again because I was focusing on the negative feelings. All I realized was the feeling of anxiety and I know that I need to make it go away. So, I completely ignore people around me, never take anyone seriously and never want to make friends anymore. The feeling of being rejected is gone, the anxiousness it gone; but I have no friend at all! What happened to my initial goal — to make new friends? No one likes to get rejected. But you have to keep trying to find the “right group”.

    Another reason why it took me so long was because I assumed too much. I guessed what people were thinking. In my head, I constantly think that: “nah! they wont like me. I am boring and I am not popular”, “nah, I am awkward!”, “nah, they won’t want to be my friend because I do not drink”. Reality is, I am already judging myself before everyone else does! And that affects how I act in front of them. You are what you think you are. And everyone has something that they are afraid about or feeling insecure about. I also learned that, do not set your expectations too high when you meet new people. Just be yourself and accept the person in-front of you for who they are and see how the friendship develops.

    Of course I would not realize all these if I did not meditate. No offense to everyone reading this comment, but I used to think that meditating is completely BS. Until recently I joined a meditation group. I cannot believe how powerful it is. I feel that my body and soul are more intact. And it helps me in “putting myself out there”. I wished that I tried meditating earlier, but i guess it is never too late. I am more comfortable in own skin and feeling great everyday! I have less stress too. i am not sure if it is because I am on my work term (yeah, school can be very stressful) but I cannot wait until my school starts again. I hope I can do better in my final year.

    Sorry for the long reply but I really hope that this will help you.College life can be fun depending on how you handle your negative feelings. I wish you all the best and good luck!!

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