June 15, 2013 at 12:07 pm #36962RayParticipant
I’m going to be starting my first day in college on the 5th of July. And although I’m really excited about all the amazing things I, going to learn and the people I meet, I also feel slightly terrified. I would say I’m definitely a people person. I’m really talkative and I did have a large group of friends in highschool but deep down, I’m really insecure about meeting new people. And I’m really scared about starting college, if I’m really honest. I did a short course at a different college back in January and things didn’t go so well. I didn’t make many friends and I was part of the ‘quiet’ group in class which was weird for me cause when I was in highschool I was pretty much a monster.
Somehow I feel that because of the troubles I faced during that short course, I’m even more insecure about going to college in July. I’m not very good with changes and this will be a huge change for me as I’ll be in a whole different country and yeah. I feel a little nervous about it. The thing is, I really want to make great friends and have lots of fun in college and meet people who have the same passion as me. I want to create strong friendships but I’m terrified about walking in and talking to people on my orientation day. I have been doing lots of reading and trying to think positively about this but sometimes it just gets to me. I know that fear is just a thought and we have control over this but Im really worked up about this whole making friends thing. What if I don’t have any friends? What if I’m all alone?
I want to go in there and be totally confident and talk to people but I find it really scary. Does anyone have any advice for me that can help me with all this? I would really appreciate it! 😀June 15, 2013 at 2:57 pm #36982JessicaParticipant
Nervousness can be our friend!! It is the body’s way of saying, “hey! pay attention to me!” Even trained athletes will get nervous before a competition – the difference between the competing athlete and a beginning athlete is that the trained competitor knows to use his anxiety as a focus tool, paying attention to his goals and every movement of his body to navigate his course.
I think it says a lot about your character and willingness to “jump right into the swing of things” that you’re trying to prepare yourself for the college experience. Don’t think that because your previous course didn’t go as well as you would’ve liked that you’re doomed in all future college things. Use your experience as a lesson – why did you become part of the quiet group? Did you let your anxiety overwhelm you? Did you not “put yourself out there”? Don’t waste time worrying about the “What ifs.” Instead, spend time preparing yourself to achieve your goals – so you’re afraid you won’t make friends, what are ways that you can put yourself in a position to make friends?
I would suggest taking up meditation now before you start school and to continue it throughout your life. Meditation can help us become comfortable in our own skin, as well as be a powerful stress reliever.
Namaste!June 15, 2013 at 6:02 pm #36983VanessaParticipant
I can totally relate to this. I am studying in a foreign country too. Before coming here, I was very talkative, outgoing and pretty much center of attention. After I got here, everything changed. I felt like I am nobody. I was very anxious around people, very self conscious and eventually became anti-social. It was very over-whelming. After four years, I finally come to a point where I am getting more and more comfortable. It took me a long time; but really, it should not. So, I hope what i am sharing will be able to help in over-coming your fear.
First of all, never let your experience in the previous course affected you. As Jessica said, take it as a lesson and do better. During my fist year in college, I tried to make friends so I joined a society council. But it was not as what I imagined, I was the quiet ones and keep getting ignored. Because of that experience, I was worrying, is this how my college life going to be? I was scared to get out there after the first experience.
And I cannot be more agree to what Jessica said. Instead of focusing on afraid, anxious or any other negative feeling, it is better to focus on ways to meet new friends. One of the reasons it took me so long to make new friends and to be myself again because I was focusing on the negative feelings. All I realized was the feeling of anxiety and I know that I need to make it go away. So, I completely ignore people around me, never take anyone seriously and never want to make friends anymore. The feeling of being rejected is gone, the anxiousness it gone; but I have no friend at all! What happened to my initial goal — to make new friends? No one likes to get rejected. But you have to keep trying to find the “right group”.
Another reason why it took me so long was because I assumed too much. I guessed what people were thinking. In my head, I constantly think that: “nah! they wont like me. I am boring and I am not popular”, “nah, I am awkward!”, “nah, they won’t want to be my friend because I do not drink”. Reality is, I am already judging myself before everyone else does! And that affects how I act in front of them. You are what you think you are. And everyone has something that they are afraid about or feeling insecure about. I also learned that, do not set your expectations too high when you meet new people. Just be yourself and accept the person in-front of you for who they are and see how the friendship develops.
Of course I would not realize all these if I did not meditate. No offense to everyone reading this comment, but I used to think that meditating is completely BS. Until recently I joined a meditation group. I cannot believe how powerful it is. I feel that my body and soul are more intact. And it helps me in “putting myself out there”. I wished that I tried meditating earlier, but i guess it is never too late. I am more comfortable in own skin and feeling great everyday! I have less stress too. i am not sure if it is because I am on my work term (yeah, school can be very stressful) but I cannot wait until my school starts again. I hope I can do better in my final year.
Sorry for the long reply but I really hope that this will help you.College life can be fun depending on how you handle your negative feelings. I wish you all the best and good luck!!June 16, 2013 at 2:32 pm #37024JoanneParticipant
I am a junior in college or third year (however its judged according to your country). I can say I have experienced ups and downs in college, and even now face the daily decision of what I will do this fall. I don’t want to be a bad influence on your decision, but I will just say college IS what you make it, because that’s how life is. There are exceptions, and sometimes a school doesn’t fit your needs. I have been to 4 different schools and it might be 5 by my Senior year. I was never like you, however. High School was a struggle with me and I never “fit in”. College is a time to enjoy the present, but you may or may not hold onto the friends you meet, sadly. Many people after college move away to all different locations. Personally, I’m realizing this as I’m reaching my senior year. I know that the people I’ve met will go where they can be successful, regardless of their feelings for me. Someone who is in love with me can’t be near me for this reason, and I know from experience its not easy. While this truth is bittersweet, people will come and go from your life. Socializing is important, but don’t become too attached. Know you will one day be settled and find a path, but its not right now, and those people will help you on that journey. Every relationship and friendship has its place. College is largely about experiencing independence however, and realizing sometimes social life is overrated. Get what enjoyment you can out of the experience.
Wish you luck.