I realize after re-reading my posts that I am still obsessing and it isn’t healthy. I’m going to pull back from scouring the Internet and YouTube for answers and focus on what I can control.  I’ll forgive myself for past actions and not try to tell the future or read her mind. It’s time I got back to enjoying the present and continuing to improve my life as I have been over the past few months.

whatever will happen will happen. If she comes back into my life, that would be great. If not, I do realize that the worst is well behind me and that I will be ok.

I’ll add that I don’t believe she has any history of being abused. But she does have a history of being abandoned, in childhood and in a previous marriage. Which, from what I understand, can lead someone to become avoidant. And I also understand that can lead people to take much longer to reach back out to an ex, if they ever do.

I think, at some level, she might have been preemptively cutting things off to avoid getting abandoned again, even though I never would have left her

And by hearing from her, I don’t mean getting back together. I have very little hope of that at this point.

I just want to know that she will reach out to me someday. Even if it’s just for closure or to have some kind I of a friendship. Or even just to know she still cares.

Very true. It’s something I’ve always struggled with. I’m sad that it may have played a role in ending things, though I know there were many issues at play from both of us. I hope I will get the chance to try to do better with my ex again. But if not, I know I will find someone else someday.

And thank you for your kind words. At the time of my breakdown I didn’t sleep for a week and lost 10 pounds in a few days. I never experienced such pain, not even after the death of my parents. It felt like I wasn’t even in control of myself. It was truly a scary feeling.

Yes. I always told her what a strong woman she was. She would tell me she really wasn’t when I’m fact she was. She just couldn’t see it. She is a great person, wonderful mother, a friend to so many people, has a good career. I think at her heart maybe the stress and her history just brought her down.

I’m hopeful that she will reach out when she is ready. I’m still scared that she won’t.

Hi and thanks for replying.

We didn’t really argue very much but I do know I was wrapped up in temporary external issues sometimes and perhaps she felt maybe taken for granted a little sometimes? But I think she also knew I loved her deeply. I only really noticed her pulling away over the last few weeks so I think whatever caused her to leave happened relatively quickly.

I’m definitely going to give her all of the space the needs, even if that is forever. It hurts to think I won’t get to talk to her again but I’m slowly coming to terms with it. Then again, it’s only been a few months and she may need much more space before feeling ready to reach out, if she does. I love her unconditionally and it saddens me to see her hurting.

one thing I mentioned to my therapist today was her abandonment issues (her father checking out after divorce and her husband leaving her for another woman years ago). He said that people with such trauma often will leave relationships when they sense trouble so as not to be abandoned again. I feel like this may explain some of it, though I just don’t know.

another thing that bothers me is that perhaps she feels like things ended so poorly that she would never want to revisit it. I know she knows I still love her and hopefully she knows I am not mad at her.