Forum Replies Created
June 1, 2023 at 5:16 am #419534
I realize after re-reading my posts that I am still obsessing and it isn’t healthy. I’m going to pull back from scouring the Internet and YouTube for answers and focus on what I can control. I’ll forgive myself for past actions and not try to tell the future or read her mind. It’s time I got back to enjoying the present and continuing to improve my life as I have been over the past few months.
whatever will happen will happen. If she comes back into my life, that would be great. If not, I do realize that the worst is well behind me and that I will be ok.June 1, 2023 at 3:41 am #419533
I just wish I knew what she was thinking. I know she needed space and it took me too long to give it to her. If she found someone else or never wants to talk to me again, I wish I knew that. I guess in time I’ll find out if that is the case. But living with uncertainty if I’ll ever hear from her again is difficult.June 1, 2023 at 3:38 am #419532
I’ll add that I don’t believe she has any history of being abused. But she does have a history of being abandoned, in childhood and in a previous marriage. Which, from what I understand, can lead someone to become avoidant. And I also understand that can lead people to take much longer to reach back out to an ex, if they ever do.
I think, at some level, she might have been preemptively cutting things off to avoid getting abandoned again, even though I never would have left herJune 1, 2023 at 3:33 am #419531
It’s hard to say. She definitely has kept in touch with a few exes. She is a kind and empathetic person. And she was telling people, even after all of my begging and pleading, that she only had good things to say about me. So I don’t think her opinion of me was irreparably damaged. We also both told each other how our relationship was the most special and healthy we’d been in. Obviously that changed in the end but I know I was a good partner to her up until the breakup.
I think, at some point, she might be able to move past my post breakup actions. I was never angry or mean, never called her a name or put any blame on her. I never went to her house or anything like that. I’m not saying what I did was right but she realizes that I also had a lot of early life trauma (death of a parent) and that my terrible marriage and anxiety/depression likely informed my lack of emotional self control. I’m not excusing what I did, at all. But I think she will eventually realize I’m the same kind and gentle soul she dated.
but I know I hurt her and at some level, scared her. I honestly scared myself given it seemed I had no ability to control myself for those 2-3 days. It taught me a lot about myself though.May 30, 2023 at 4:33 pm #419509
And by hearing from her, I don’t mean getting back together. I have very little hope of that at this point.May 30, 2023 at 3:56 pm #419508
Thank you. Life is improving. I just can’t imagine I’ll never hear from her again given we both said how special and strong our love was. I know love love can fade but I think that had to leave a strong imprint on her as well. And she was telling family and friends after the breakup that she only had good things to say about me.
I think I’m going to go with the thought that I’ll hear from her again someday, even if that’s 5 hears. With that taken care of, maybe it will allow me to move on to taking better care of myself.May 28, 2023 at 12:54 pm #419442
I just want to know that she will reach out to me someday. Even if it’s just for closure or to have some kind I of a friendship. Or even just to know she still cares.May 27, 2023 at 8:00 pm #419428
Thank you. It’s so hard to let go of hope. I’m not there yet but I’m getting there. Every day I think about it less and less. At some level that’s great and at another level scary as those fading memories (and my fading hope) are all I have left of her.May 26, 2023 at 7:03 am #419222
Very true. It’s something I’ve always struggled with. I’m sad that it may have played a role in ending things, though I know there were many issues at play from both of us. I hope I will get the chance to try to do better with my ex again. But if not, I know I will find someone else someday.May 26, 2023 at 6:01 am #419217
I know. I wish I can been more aware of this at the time. Perhaps she felt as if I was dismissing her and not hearing her. I didn’t mean it in that way. There are a lot of things I’d like to be able to go back and do differently. But I know I can’t and I need to forgive myself.May 26, 2023 at 4:44 am #419214
And thank you for your kind words. At the time of my breakdown I didn’t sleep for a week and lost 10 pounds in a few days. I never experienced such pain, not even after the death of my parents. It felt like I wasn’t even in control of myself. It was truly a scary feeling.May 26, 2023 at 4:37 am #419213
I’ll add that I’m trying really hard to let go of the hope that our story has another chapter one day. I don’t think that hope is helping me at all. I’m just really struggling to get rid of it completely.May 26, 2023 at 4:36 am #419212
Yes. I always told her what a strong woman she was. She would tell me she really wasn’t when I’m fact she was. She just couldn’t see it. She is a great person, wonderful mother, a friend to so many people, has a good career. I think at her heart maybe the stress and her history just brought her down.
I’m hopeful that she will reach out when she is ready. I’m still scared that she won’t.May 26, 2023 at 1:46 am #419210
Thank you. Yes, closure would help, just to know what she is thinking. I’m hoping I’ll hear from her, even if it is years down the road. I will have moved on by then but I really can’t bear the thought that my post breakup meltdown will be our last communication.
I thought she was my soul mate (and I thought she felt the same way, at least for much of the relationship). I guess that is what has hurt the most, though I’m moving past it.May 25, 2023 at 6:29 pm #419199
Hi and thanks for replying.
We didn’t really argue very much but I do know I was wrapped up in temporary external issues sometimes and perhaps she felt maybe taken for granted a little sometimes? But I think she also knew I loved her deeply. I only really noticed her pulling away over the last few weeks so I think whatever caused her to leave happened relatively quickly.
I’m definitely going to give her all of the space the needs, even if that is forever. It hurts to think I won’t get to talk to her again but I’m slowly coming to terms with it. Then again, it’s only been a few months and she may need much more space before feeling ready to reach out, if she does. I love her unconditionally and it saddens me to see her hurting.
one thing I mentioned to my therapist today was her abandonment issues (her father checking out after divorce and her husband leaving her for another woman years ago). He said that people with such trauma often will leave relationships when they sense trouble so as not to be abandoned again. I feel like this may explain some of it, though I just don’t know.
another thing that bothers me is that perhaps she feels like things ended so poorly that she would never want to revisit it. I know she knows I still love her and hopefully she knows I am not mad at her.