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Thanks for everything I appreciate it I will keep in touch when need be.Thanks
Could e-course work? or should i try therapy?
I would agree with what you’ve said. i do worry about how we’ll be in the future and when i have those thoughts im almost certain something negative will happen. I just cant deal with the uncertainty. this then makes me feel as if i am already loosing feelings which i know deep down is not true bt when i reassure myself of this i then believe i may be lying to myself. it really does feel like its never ending and i just feel as if no help in the world will ever get me out of this mindset. thank you for your support
looking forward to hearing from you
thanks for explaining it to me. I understand what you’ve meant and I would agree.
Do I have this response to my friends and boyfriend because I am preempting something bad will occur?
Also, these thoughts and distancing myself has only happened in the last year when my father became even worse regarding his health.
Thank you very much
My anger started when I was young. A toddler. I was scared then But when I look back it scares me even more. I always felt rejected by everyone. I was misunderstood. I hated everyone. I really did feel like just disappearing. I believed that no body cared I hated women and girls in particular. I felt as if I was hard done by. I think I still have that in me.
I want to tell you about my other relationships with those around me now. I have distanced myself from all my friends. I don’t consider any of them to be “close” nor do I want them to be. I believe I will perfectly fine without anyone in my life. I enjoy my own company and I do spend a lot of my alone time talking to myself and just creating senarios in my head. I don’t want anyone around me and I am unsure why. I think this relates to me believing I don’t want my boyfriend??? Would you agree? I mean he is the last person I have and he is the one I feel most comfortable around but I still feel as if it makes sense as to why I try to subconsciously get away from him as I do from everyone else. I would not say I have trust issues I just think I live the best when I’m in my head which again is not true as I know that is damaging my relationship with my boyfriend.
Could this possibly be a sign of a personality disorder?
He does nothing that bothers me. I just had this rush of something last night. I felt so restless and all over the place and just frustrated. Today is different im quite ok. Although what annoys me is the fact I feel trapped not by him but by me and just my general circumstances. I’ve been with him for so long and I just wish I could spend more time with him(we cant). I wish it didn’t feel like a stupid teenage relationship anymore. It is like no one takes our relationship seriously (in my opinion) this doubt from others has also fueled my anxieties in the last few months. I just want to get out there and enjoy myself and stop living in my head. 🙁
anyway thank you for trying
(when you said discover my anger I thought you meant my past sorry)
Hi thanks yes I do.
I feel very different to when I wrote that last night.
where do we start?
Tonight i feel quite bad and moody. i find that sometimes i’m totally fine and feel comfortable with my partner and others i am confused, worried or just wanting space. all of this can happen in just a few hours. I have had a thought that i am bored. this has stuck with me for a few days and its really annoying me. i feel as if i have no control over anything anymore. can rocd/anxiety make you tired or bored of your relationship? When i have these thoughts all it leads to is me thinking if i even want my relationship and it just stresses me out. just thought id tell you how i was feeling as this is somewhat unusual for me to feel this way. any tips for right now? thanks
I will keep in touch thank you
Hi Anita, Thanks for responding to me.
I am now aware of what actions to take but thank you for helping me out, i appreciate it. Youve given me hope.
Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you for responding to me.
Would there be any other strategies as to finding the root cause of these thoughts? I do understand it may be something i need to do with a professional.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi thank you for responding</p>
Moving ouf right now is definitely not an option. So I try to do positive things for myself during the day. I will say my home life has improved as there is an absence of a family member but yes, I understand why you had suggested doing so.
yes I am planning on speaking to someone who can assist me with my anxiety.
as for my relationship, im comfortable with speaking about my thoughts and I am aware that it’s important to do this with moderation.
if you have gone through rocd yourself, do you have any tips you’d like to share?
I’d also like to add that I had separation anxiety towards my mother when I was a toddler for a couple of years. If flaired up when I was around 11 and When I was 15 years old.
I would stress that if she would not come home or answer her phone she’d be dead and I’d start to plan my life around this scenario.
Hi all thanks for responding.
I will give a bit of background information.
I come from a somewhat broken family. My parents never really had any time or affection to share with each other. They were like no other couple i had observed when i was very young. My father used to be incredibly aggressive to my mother and brother. This stopped as he became chronically ill, which he still is.
I had dealt with a lot of loss during my childhood. We had to leave the house we were living in. My parents were always in court for it. I cannot recall much as i was only 6 years old. this had traumatised my parents and my brother, who are all still effected by it over a decade later. Around this time, my dad became chronically ill, so i cant really remember a time where he wasn’t sick. within the last year he has become a double amputee due to a vascular disease. It was an absolute shock to everyone. this started to unfold about 11 months ago, around the time i started to have trouble with my boyfriend. All the stress of my home and school life just made me want to be away from everyone i knew. This was resolved around 6 months ago. however, i have rOCD now and im not sure why as my relationship is fine and i have an amazing boyfriend.
The constant fear started to surface one day 6-7 months ago when my boyfriend told me that he was conflicted and didnt know what he wanted. this was mainly because of how i distanced myself and threw a wall up as i felt like no one would ever be able to understand my situation. However, he was not leaving me but i didn’t see that and went into meltdown mode. so for a month i was worrying about if he really wanted our relationship, if he chose to stay because he felt bad ect. The list goes on. It was intense and incredibly debilitating. anyway there was a week of clarity where i felt connected to him and then one day, i didnt feel so good and it scared me and that’s where the fixation started. id frantically google everyday for an answer that id never get. I was shocked. i felt as if i didn’t love him anymore, this made me physically sick and it was all i could think about. thankfully, this isn’t the case anymore. Now, i am just left with a murky feeling. i dont really have specific doubts as often and i dont read into small things anymore.
Anita, in regards to your post. yes, i am fearful of our future together(hence why i have this ongoing feeling) and i had noticed that it does make me want to pull away.
I’m not sure why i’ve created this mindset, but i do know that i truly love him and i would like to stay with him. He is an amazing person who is no doubt one of a kind and i’d hate to throw my relationship away because of this.