Forum Replies Created
August 22, 2022 at 5:54 am #406000
This post has come at the perfect time for me. My daughter has suffered from depression since a teenager. She has recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I don’t know how to support her. Over the years I have tried my best to support her but I don’t think I’ve enabled her just tried to support her emotionally.
The part of your post that I could relate to was the bit about your daughter agreeing to your advice/guidance then not following through. That is exactly what my daughter is like.
I have now decided to take a step back and not give advice/guidance. She is now under the care of a psychiatrist so I am leaving her in the hands of the professionals.
It is reassuring to read another’s experience of trying to help someone when they have a mental health problem. It is so difficult. As I have had my own struggles in the past and also have a chronic health condition, I have realised that the best approach is for me to concentrate on my own well being first.April 26, 2021 at 4:00 am #378748
Hi TeaK – I am not a Christian. I was brought up Roman Catholic but after studying Theology and religion at university I turned to Buddhism. I struggled with the idea of ‘suffering’ is good for you in Christianity. Buddhism recognises that ‘life is suffering’ but it offers a self-compassionate way out of that suffering. It makes more sense to me.
I believe in a holistic view of disease. Peace of mind is as important is looking after your physical health. I think any spiritual path should help to bring about that ‘Peace of mind’ which will have an effect on the body but I don’t necessarily believe that we bring all illness on ourselves.
I have a chronic health condition which I believe is the result of my traumatic childhood plus a virus I contracted. I manage it the best I can but I would find it so much harder to live with if I thought it was some form of punishment. I now enjoy and really appreciate the simple things in my life. My illness has taught me that. Buddhism teaches us to accept life as it is, the good and the bad. Without the suffering, we wouldn’t appreciate the joy in life.
Take care.April 26, 2021 at 3:47 am #378747
I agree wnishin. I, too believe that all paths lead to the same being or universal spirit. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs.
Nichole – your work colleague is showing his ignorance and flaunting his own ego when he says ‘anyone who is not Christian is incapable of morality’. I am shocked that he has studied philosophy at college and still has such a closed mind. I studied philosophy and theology at university and I believe that if a person goes to into higher education and comes out with a closed mind then they have wasted their time. The whole idea of education is to open peoples’ minds. That’s not to say that they shouldn’t have a belief system but at least they have thought it all through and are aware and have respect for others’ beliefs.
Don’t waste your energy of getting angry with your colleague. He needs your pity for being so closed minded.April 26, 2021 at 3:36 am #378746
Hi Soul-searcher – I have read many self-help and Buddhism books over the years but recently I came across two books that have really helped me to come to terms with my traumatic childhood. They are both by Pete Walker ‘Complex PTSD’ and ‘The Tao of Fully Feeling’. Even if you don’t think you are suffering from PTSD, Pete Walker explains that anyone who has been through a traumatic childhood suffers from it to some extent.
I also highly recommend Louise Hay’s books. I have gone back to her books again and again. For me she is the Queen of self-help books.
Have you read any of Eckhart Tolle’s books? I would highly recommend those as well. You can watch his talks on youtube. I think he is definitely an ‘enlightened being’.
Hope those help and happy reading.July 28, 2018 at 8:49 am #219139
Hi,You have already been given some great advice. The main thing is to keep you and your children safe. Neither you or your children deserve to live like this. Are you seeing a counsellor? You need some support and your self-esteem needs building up. This man has convinced you that you have nothing to offer. Please take no notice of him!! You deserve so much better. You need space in order to make yourself strong. I would go to a solicitor and only have contact through him. On no account see this man face-to-face. Anything to do with your children should be done through the solicitor. Life is too short for you to waste on this man. Just because we love someone doesn’t mean that it is healthy for us to be in a relationship with them. Everything else has to be right too.
It will be hard at first but please don’t weaken. I have been were you are and believe me there is light at the end of the tunnel. This man has had plenty of opportunity to change. Any man who abuses his pregnant partner is not worth the time of day!! Please, please get the help and support you need for yours and your childrens’ sake.July 19, 2018 at 4:10 am #217587
Thank you so much for your lovely comments. I have a chronic health condition it takes a lot of energy for me to post so it is nice to know that my efforts are appreciated.
Anne.July 17, 2018 at 10:55 am #217289
Thanks for your comment. I don’t consciously do anything different but after what I experienced I promised not to allow anyone to make me feel so helpless again. I see my partner and I as two seperate people who choose to be together. We have been together 24/7 for six years now and it still works!! When I first got with my partner I told him what I had been through and that I had promised myself that if anyone treated me in that way again I would be out the door. So he knew the score from the beginning. Luckily I have met a caring, thoughtful person and we are very compatible. We have the same values and outlook on life but have our disagreements too!!
We have been through tough times and we are both still working through the aftermath of trauma but we still find the humour in life and appreciate each other. I know I could live without him. It would be difficult and it would take time but I know that I would be ok on my own. Some people wouldn’t understand that way of thinking but like I’ve said, we all have to love ourselves and put our mental and physical welfare before anyone else. I expect my partner to do the same. I am still suffering the damaging effects both physical and mental from my last relationship. (I now have a chronic health condition which is worsened by any emotional stress.)
My ex had a lot of emotional issues which she took out on me. I tried and tried to help her and I fought to keep the relationship but it takes two to make a relationship work. I realised that I was not responsible for sorting out her issues. Yes, I could support her but it was her responsibility to sort out her ‘stuff’.
Anyway, I hope that is of some help to you.
Anne.July 14, 2018 at 9:22 am #216657
It depends what you mean by ‘true love’. I too think ‘true love’ is allowing someone the freedom to be themselves in a relationship. There is a lot of hype around ‘true love’ in the world today. A lot of people confuse ‘true love’ with co-dependency. For me, I believe you have to learn to love yourself before you can love another. After the break-up of my last relationship I was forced to reassess my beliefs about relationships and what ‘love’ really means. I realised that I was co-dependent. This idea that we can’t live without someone else just isn’t true. I have had those feelings but it was not healthy for me as it caused me suffering. (The Buddhists word for it is ‘attachment’).
I was forced to find another way and realised I had to learn to love myself which may sound trite but it is so true. When you love yourself it really is the best feeling in the world; so much better than looking to another to make you happy.It’s a wonderful feeling – as the song says ‘the greatest love of all is happening to me’. I never understood what those words meant. Finally I realised that it is nothing to do with ego but about valuing yourself. Louise Hay says that relationship problems always come back to someone not loving themselves enough. (Her book explains this very well.)
We are all brainwashed into believing that we must be with another person in order to be happy – not so. Yes, it is lonely at times but I would rather be on my own than with the wrong person. Ironically, after I had done work on myself I met my current partner completely out of the blue and I am much happier than I was in my last relationship!!July 14, 2018 at 8:58 am #216641
Yes, I’d be interested in this but I like to choose what I read so perhaps we could all talk about the book we are currently reading.