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This was such an articulate and insightful post, Blaice. I feel my situation does not even compare to the ones I’ve been reading on here, and yet I somehow feel this type of pain that can amount to what it would feel like going through a break up after a 6 or 7 year relationship. I was seeing someone for about 3 or 4 months and I became infatuated with him in a short amount of time; he was my definition of a perfect guy..he was my type and everything. Add sex to the mix and I was already emotionally attached. I met him while I was going to school somewhere 2 1/2 hours away from my hometown but I just transferred out of there and will be taking some classes at a community college near home. Seeing each other now would take about a 3 hour trip and would make us a long distance relationship couple. We stopped talking for about a month when I came home for the summer but he got in contact with me again and said he wanted to see where things could lead us once more. He gave me all the signs that he seemed interested and cared about me and I even made a 3 hour trip this summer to see him for a few nights, and then a few days after I came home he insinuated that it wasn’t going to work out and we needed to be realistic about our situation.
I put so much effort into this person, with high hopes that we would work out and now we are back to being strangers again. And that hurts the worst knowing someone who became a routine or a part of your life is no longer there. I’ve been in a one year relationship where I was cheated on and even now I feel like the emotions I’m experiencing are more intense than when I found out I was cheated on. I feel I was led astray and used. I’ve been looking for answers and closure on to why this happened and why he couldn’t be clear and concise about his intentions even though he put on a facade and acted like he wanted something substantial. I can’t even imagine what it feels like having someone just let you go after a long term relationship. I care deeply for people so when someone lets me go just like that, I feel confused on how it’s so easy for them.
I hope whoever is going through a breakup right now can find a peaceful way to move on and learn to let go. The healing process is probably the hardest part, but I know it gets better eventually. A good support system and time are your only friends in this case.
Thank you everyone for the wonderful and kind advice. I addressed this issue to him through phone call one last time and we simply just cannot be. The distance is hard on both of us, and as much as I adore him…it hurts too much to chase after someone who won’t reciprocate. He said we needed to be realistic about our situation, so I did exactly that and ended things. It still hurts and I’m in the process of healing right now. I deactivated my Facebook for a little while in hopes that I won’t get the urge to check up on him and he won’t be able to check up on me; I can’t unfriend him because I don’t want to lose touch with him all together since we ended on good terms and found somewhat of a closure. I realized that I was losing a bit of myself and self-esteem for this guy and I’m trying my best to regain it back. So my journey right now to healing and self-acceptance is going to be hard, but worth it. Thank you all for going out of your way to help me! I truly appreciate it.
Well I called him tonight and asked what he wanted and it turns out he doesn’t want anything serious. Am I hurt? Of course. But I’m also relieved in many ways knowing that I don’t have to constantly wonder or question where we are in terms of “dating”. Thank you so much for the advice, and I will be sure to check into the books that you mentioned. I have always had intentions on focusing on myself and what I want/need out of life, I’ve just kind of put them on the back burner but now this has been a wake-up call for me and I think I’m now ready to focus on my wants/needs & happiness.
Do not apologize for the length! You have come here to ask for guidance and some understanding and we are here to help you! First and foremost, I respect your attempts at forgiving not only him, but yourself. Sometimes we forget that forgiveness comes from within and it is very essential to acknowledge that. Also, I completely understand the pain and heartbreak you are going through, as I have met plenty of guys online (most long-distance). I am currently seeing someone who lives about 30-45 away from I, and we both have originally met through social media. The problem is that I will be going home for the summer and the next year due to my classes and school ending (transferring and such), and our relationship will be about a 3-hour-distance. I find this frightening; we are in the early stages of getting to know each other and that distance can cause some great damage if a good foundation is not built. So I empathize and know the struggles you are going through trying to heal because that foundation was never built between you two.
We are only human, and make mistakes. He may or may not have been confused about who he wanted to be with, and like you said, chose the one closer and more convenient to him. But he also may have had intentions that were not true or genuine and surely would have not made you happy in the long run. You have to remember that you two created a relationship that was strictly through the use of technology…no human contact was ever made between you two. He could have been someone you instantly knew was not for you, but because you both never met in person, you hold onto this false idea or belief that he was someone you could have been happy with (I’ve done it many times and am still trying to learn my lesson).
The best advice I can offer you is that life does in fact go on, and that there is someone out there for you. I believe in something greater than ourselves. I believe in God and I believe in fate, and I know there is someone out there for me. But we also go through many relationships in the meantime to learn more about ourselves and more about other people. I know it hurts now and the pain can be unbearable at times, but this healing process becomes a very valuable lesson and one that you can hold onto for the rest of your life. Focus on improving things in your life and just be content with the fact that you are alive and well, ready to take on every new day that comes your way.
Letting go is one of the hardest things we can do for ourselves, because we hold onto “what if” or “why”?, when really we need to focus on closure and acceptance. Things don’t work out the way we want to in life, but that’s…life. First you must seek happiness from within yourself and then you can find and provide happiness for others. He is doing what he has to do to get by, and so will you. Take a deep breath, everything will. be. okay. 🙂