Dear Anita,

As a kid, I couldn’t fit in with other kids. I was too bad at sports. Even when I tried to participate in cultural competitions, teachers never selected me saying that I didn’t have it in me to be a good singer or dancer. Kids made fun of me that I wasn’t good at anything except studies. I was also a too cautious kid, not wanting to do anything ‘wrong’ or ‘harmful’. I’m still a scared person. I can’t do many normal things and I’m dependent on my mother and sister because I think I’ ll do them wrong and harm myself. I can’t cook (except Noodles and tea), I have never burned a matchstick and I can’t do a lot of things that even an eleven year old can do.

My classmates, teachers and elders always said openly that my best friend deserved to be topper more than me and I was not as talented. I was always being compared against another person and my achievements were always downplayed. I always had to prove myself.

When I was twelve, we relocated to a completely different state and town. Everything was different and I had a hard time adjusting to my new surroundings. So I watched television all time except when I was at school. Even as a kid, I always had a longing for something else, which manifested as whimsical ideas like digging my school ground for a mythical treasure I imagined when I was eight. Now, at twelve, I began imagining myself as a character in the TV show and started neglecting studies. Though I was still a topper, my enthusiasm and ambition was lost. I was so much into the fictional world. Since then, my enthusiasm for studies never returned. Though I’m not as invested in a fictional world now, still all the time I’m home after office, I either read stories/ novels or watch television. I have lost my drive to do anything. I don’t want to do anything except Netflix or reading novels.

Dear Anita,

I know comparison is unhealthy but I feel it’s the only thing which can help me survive. Without it, I don’t have any motivation to grow and I become complacent. Without comparison, I don’t have any goals.

Dear Anita,

I am aware of the cognitive distortions in my thinking. Life and growth are not always linear, they have a more circular trajectory. I’m trying to work on acceptance and gratitude. I feel like I’m being too hard and judgemental about myself and my life and I can be more accepting.

Dear Anita,

Your reply is very helpful. Humility is what I need most in life. I have a tendency to want to attain something very quickly and I haven’t patience and perseverance the importance I should have. The sense of entitlement is a major roadblock in my life and I need to work on it.

I feel the same. I’ve read to have self compassion, you have to wish well for others but I can’t wish them well while I’m stuck. If I am happy, I can wish other people well. But if I am miserable myself, I can’t have goodwill for others. It’s like a deadlock.

Dear Anita,

All other successful people seem so happy. They are always smiling, cheerful. They are so perfect. They have creative hobbies, they exercise, they study, they grow and all I do is watching TV and reading books. I used to be the best student in my school, then I went through a phase (as a teenager, I wanted to apply my study to real life rather than collecting many degrees). I too want to grow in career but my fear paralyzes me. I’m too scared. The uncertainty of future is unsettling. I was an idealist, but all my ideals are shattered. As a teenager, I let my heart dictate my career choices but it backfired.

Thank you Julia. I’ve read The Power of Now and it is a very good book. Thanks for the encouragement. I agree that being envious all the time is too exhausting.