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Yandi Lao

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  • in reply to: When do I stop trying to help him… #65336
    Yandi Lao
    Participant

    hi Belle,

    I don’t know how to help you but if I were you I would try this: Just try to keep a respective distance with him.
    If I could go somewhere else and keep myself busy. Try go somewhere that he can’t reach me or call me, but could still text me or email me if he wants to. As a friend, I would still reply mindfully but I won’t get indulge emotionally when he say those sugarcoating words anymore. If he needs someone to express his emotions, I can just be a soundboard and ignore most of that. I would just respond accordingly. That is what friends are for. To help each other out, but not emotionally abusive if he attempts to do so.
    This took courage and discipline to have self control on your part, to control how you respond and listen to his words accordingly. Stay calm whenever things get emotional. You had already walked away, you just need to have a tougher head to deal with him. I am sure you will be fine.

    in reply to: Practising Letting Go—The Act of Bowing #64057
    Yandi Lao
    Participant

    Dear Matt,

    Thank you for your kind comment. Please pardon my English as I don’t get what you mean by “some laundry to do”. I think the word “enlightened” might sound too strong and unrealistic to others but it’s just a personal feeling which is only for a very short instinct. I don’t know any better words to describe such moment but that instinct is encouraging enough to let me experienced peace and joy within. I believe if I can continue to sustain such feelings (which at such stage I might be able to apply “concentration” or “use effort” to sustain it) it should be a good start to continue practising meditation in such way. After all, there are many different ways of reaching heaven/ Nirvana/ happiness/the ultimate goal. That is also why Buddhism has developed in various paths through out history and still accept each other well, because Buddhists know in the end it all leads to the same.

    Sorry I am getting a bit off topic here.:P
    Yeah, maybe in the end , I guess what’s right for each person (to seek peace) could only be experienced by themselves. I won’t force myself to follow my teacher (nor my mother or colleagues) anymore if it doesn’t work on me. I will try to seek peace in another form that’s suitable for me. I believe there is also a saying in Chinese Zen Buddhism that says something like “don’t be restrained/stubborn by form”.

    Hope that doesn’t offend anyone.

    kind regards,
    Yandi

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