Forum Replies Created
June 19, 2016 at 5:01 pm #107697
Hey Jane , yes thanks to everyone for responding. Sorry it took so long for me to write back but yes I have the same issue as you I have always been a very calm peaceful person. It takes a lot to get me anger but I realized in my relationship with him Ive become an angry person. Most of the time I feel like im talking to a wall. Completely unheard. hes so into himself and cares only about himself that he wont every empathize with someone else. The other day I actually came to him and told him how I was bothered that he never said anything to me about my concern with a family problem. And instead of just hearing me he actually got upset at me for bringing it up and was saying how im so dramatic and need to just get over things. IN turn it makes me always feel so guilty because I dont like to upset other people but I dont see why me coming and saying hey last night i was so worried about my family etc and him just sitting there being completely quiet then falling asleep bothered me. If its not something that affects him personally he could care less. It worries me becuase I am very empathetic but hes not and he even admits to it and says well Im just not like that. I feel stuck and not sure what to do. And its funny because everytime he has had a problem I have always been there to talk to him and give him advice and say words that are positive. But I dont think he even appreciates that . He cares more about what he looks like in the mirror than his partner hurting. I truly feel lonely in my relationship.June 9, 2016 at 7:05 am #106789
Also another thing I wanted to mention about my situation is that when the person is selfish it’s makes them even more insensitive to you and your feelings . Because they don’t agree with how you feel about something they make it less important like oh that’s so stupid to be upset or sad about that just laugh it off etc. and that makes me feel very unheard. And to label me as crazy for it makes me hurt even more. I have my moments I’m not perfect I can over react like any normal human being would to things that only I find upsetting . But to make label me crazy for that is ridiculous. And when we fight and I say oh okay I’m just crazy sorry so on, he will reply like ya see now you understand why are you like that … Idk haha someone please help!June 8, 2016 at 8:05 pm #106775
Of course Jane we can only help each other. And that’s so sad he doesn’t compliment you at all. I mean your confidence should always be within you but of course your partner should uplift you and make you feel beautiful as well. It goes both ways.
And We have had some intense fights in the past usually drunk ones . But end up communicating and talking it out.
But I think you should talk to him about the compliments and see what he says. Being open is the best thing you can do. Especially if it makes you feel bad. That’s what I did with my bt I told him when he get cocky it makes me feel bad makes me feel inferior and I shouldn’t feel that way with anyone especially my partner. Was your almost break up about the compliment thing or something else?June 8, 2016 at 7:30 pm #106770
Thanks Anita and Jane for responding . Yes Anita I actually know his family pretty well it’s kind of a personality trait of theirs to be more superifical . My mom taught me the opposite so that’s something we differ in personality wise. I’m not sure if he is truly insecure I have mentioned and asked in the past and he just says he’s not cocky but is very confident. He personally says he doesn’t understand what I mean.
Jane yes he does compliment me and tell me I’m beautiful and great . But a lot of the time the other things can mask that. He also does always think he is right about everything and if I care too much or am hurt by something he calls me overly sensitive. Idk if your boyfriend is like that with you as well but it can be very draining like you said to deal with someone who will never accept their own flaws or just being wrong.
And again he does compliment me but his behavior is so the opposite. As dumb as t sounds it’s like a vibe he lets off as if he’s better. And a lot of the time he likes to control what I do. Or makes fun of something I do. It’s extremely draining and sad also because it’s making me forget the good parts of him.
And it’s not even like I’m worried anything will happen with him and anyone else , I get a lot more attention from the other sex than he does. I just approach confidence as an inner thing that’s my own and when I feel good I’m good I don’t flaunt it or behave like he does. So it’s hard since we are different in that way. A guy could come up to me in front of him, hit on me, tell me I’m gorgeous and he wouldn’t give it a second thought hahaNovember 2, 2014 at 1:22 pm #67174
Also thank you Wood95 I realized I do need to chill out I have a tendency to expect the worst when things are going well. Something to let go of that I am working on. Sometimes its nice to hear from an outsider to knock you back into reality.November 2, 2014 at 1:20 pm #67173
Thank you Chris I appreciate the response. You are right… same situations but with different people. I need to remember that. 🙂June 26, 2014 at 9:09 am #59631
Thank you for the response Matt, yes stress is usually what triggers these emotions in me and just makes me unbalanced in a sense. Especially being in medical school together him and I are both under enormous pressure all the time that even little things just add up and at some point causes one of us to explode. Most of my times of feeling unbalanced are related to my lack of self love. Im not sure where it came from seeing that I had a very loving family and good childhood so I have never had the lack of love from anyone but myself. I think if I can focus on myself and loving myself then I can better handle certain situations. I seem to have this habit of just getting very angry and hurt when there are other attractive women around. It isn’t all the time but I do compare myself a lot and see everyone else as perfection. And in those instances I lash out at him (I used to do this with other boyfriends as well so its not just him) and then again there is the guilt for reacting in that manner when he hasn’t done anything wrong like flirt or anything with them. I just assume the worst thinking that he would rather have that girl because in my eyes she so attractive and perfect and I don’t have the most beautiful skin, or biggest breasts , so on. Im very picky with myself which again like I said I am my own worst critic. I will look into reading those books I do tend to love books like that. Im glad that I joined this forum I already feel a new more positive mindset from all your responses. Maybe if any of you have ever dealt with any insecurities like that any advice on how you work on it daily I would glady welcome . I actually decided yesterday to do a 30 day challenge of not speaking down on anyone…like not seeing a girl and judging her or pointing out something negative in order to make myself feel better (defense mechanism I see it as). Oh and namaste Matt 🙂June 26, 2014 at 4:06 am #59623
I really appreciate the response and you guys are correct I guess I do need to stop being so hard on myself. I just hate making others feel bad or bringing them down when I feel that way. It hurts me more to hurt others than myself. He is a wonderful guy and I am very lucky that he does want to help me through these things…I guess sometimes when it seems so great you doubt that it should be that way since I am so used to be let down in the past with ex-boyfriends. We do communicate a lot and that has always helped us regarding anything he or I am upset about. Its nice to know that other people can feel that way too and its just not me.