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Zeba

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  • in reply to: Need to Get out of Abusive Relationship – Please help. #172629
    Zeba
    Participant

    Thanks everyone for responding and providing insight. I am working on it. He brought food to have dinner with me yesterday. I told him I do not like how this is going and until he realizes I do not want to speak to him or go forward with the wedding. He told me that he does not believe he did anything wrong and will make my life a living hell for blaming him that he is abusive. He told me he will “show me what abusive means” until I get up and leave from his life myself. This morning, he woke up and acted like nothing happened. I have not spoken to him and continue to maintain distance. I am trying to speak to my boss about a potential transfer and I am hoping it gets honored. After finally half of the day is over and ignoring him, I finally send him a long message telling him my feelings, to which he responds I don’t have time to read long and stupid messages. He is trying to keep his dominance. I am really tired. I am going to start distancing myself in a safe way.

    Ankur – my family loves me a lot and I do not want to hurt them in the process. Yesterday my mother called me and I sounded like i was crying so she started crying as well, so I had to hang up on her. These issues affect everyone around me who cares about me. I hope I can just safely leave him without further interferences from him.

    in reply to: Need to Get out of Abusive Relationship – Please help. #172313
    Zeba
    Participant

    I am Asian. Our community is tight knit. Our families influence our lives a lot, as well. I am afraid of push back from both our families if I try to call off the engagement and leave. Although I have lived in the US all my life, women in our culture are expected to let go and tolerate male dominance. I have not been raised like that and cannot tolerate such expectations. My family is very supportive/liberal, however his family is rather conservative.

    I am also afraid of trying to move on and him pushing back in my life through fake apologies. I was considering a career move that will take me to a new city where he will not be able to locate me and I can start over. However, that will be very difficult as I have a stable job as an attorney and do not want my career to be affected by relationship issues.

    in reply to: Need to Get out of Abusive Relationship – Please help. #172305
    Zeba
    Participant

    Anita – thanks for responding. How do I leave? We recently told our family about getting married and are planning a wedding. Do I just call it quits? Do I talk to my parents? His family treats me well and I don’t want to do them wrong? Should I mutually discuss the issues and let them know that I cannot get married to this person? I have made up my mind that I want to withdraw, but I am afraid of the consequences.

    in reply to: Hard to let go of past relationship #172295
    Zeba
    Participant

    It is difficult, but certainly doable. I am currently planning a wedding with someone who has started emotionally abusing me a lot. I am looking for a way out. It will be hard in the beginning, but use the pain to find yourself. You will hurt, then you will go numb, and the process will start all over. This is not to scare you, but to prepare you. Hang in there and things will get better. Time heals all wounds.

    in reply to: I am in a dark hole… #158552
    Zeba
    Participant

    I have been thinking about that as well. Hopefully I can get him on board. Thanks for the help! 🙂

    in reply to: I am in a dark hole… #158526
    Zeba
    Participant

    Anita, thank you for responding.

    By fights I mean arguments. I would get upset over something he did and he would realize it and apologize and I would do the same. Now, if he upsets me and I try to talk to him about it, he threatens to stop talking to me or leave me. I tell him I am upset with you I don’t want to talk to you right now, but have a good day and he responds “well then have a good life.” I don’t know if he even cares that I am in his life anymore. He wants to control me and get his way by threatening me that he will leave. If I tell him that he hurt me, he always says “well you shouldn’t have started it.” to him, even telling him that he is doing something wrong is starting something…and then all hell breaks loose and in the end, “it is my fault and if I would have kept my mouth shut and not complained, nothing would have gone wrong.” to him a perfect relationship is me always doing what he says and if he hurts me, to suck it up and let it go.

    I told him today that if he wants me to be in his life as his love, he needs to stop threatening to leave me at every fight to get a reaction. I told him I do no want to be with you if I will be scared of you all my life. I told him that he can come talk to me if he wants to realize that threatening will not work anymore. He said, “have a good life. i don’t really care.”

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)