I am having a bad day Anita :(. I am here just to rant. Remember how I told you way back that how I am not happy with my current job. I have been telling my boss since Jan 2024 that I want to learn more technical stuff. I would always ask him for some interesting work but he would always give me thats already half done. I dont know why he is always hesitant about not giving me more technical stuff. Once he told me that he doesnt not want to set me up for failure. I was left with no work till August. We had a meeting in August I told him again that I wanted to do more technical stuff. Since September he told me to help the other teammate who was working on the other project related sql software. I started learning it and I picked it up pretty fast. I even helped my teammate with some of the stuff she is working on which he didnt know. He even appreciated about me about learning technical stuff in a different meeting. Now that the teammate has left the company. So the position is open. He didnt even ask me if I am interested in applying for that position. He directly put it up in the LinkedIn. I reached out to him asking him if I can apply for that position. He gave it a thought and told me no without even interviewing my skills. He straight up told me that I am not eligible for this role yet. He doesnt want me to directly put me in that position with no prior experience. He keeps telling me that I am not confident enough. I know I suck at my social skills. I am trying to work on . I feel so lost.

lol. It happens in my office too. So I wear layers and always have a throw on my chair. Yeah my neighbor invited us to the new party along with some other friend and we had a great time.

I have been really busy at office. Thanks to you for always listening to my rants. I forget to mention your name. Apart from my family  only you know my mental health struggles. I dont discuss my problems with my friends. My indian friends dont understand mental health issues so I dont talk about these issues to them. You have a really made a difference in my life by helping me navigate through some of my  toughest times of my life.

Hey Anita, I am doing great. How are you doing ? I was thinking about you yesterday. I have made peace with my friend and  stopped expecting from her. We still meet for the sake of our kids. I dont want to get close again and get hurt. We went to Disney last week and had a wonderful time. My husbands brother came over so my little had a great time with her cousin. My little one is so cute and full of life. Once I came home from Disney , the other day I was crying thinking about how my little is growing up so fast. I feel like the days are going by so fast once started going to school since last year. On the other hand I am worried about getting old, retirement and old age. I am still in my mid thirties lol. Just thinking how lonely it would be. My kid will move out. I I hate being alone because of my anxiety. I feel good when I am surrounded by people.

How did you overcome that empty feeling ?

Sometimes I want to relocate to a different house so that I dont think about her anymore. It  feels like a friendship breakup which hit me hard this time. I had 2 friends who ignored me like this in the past few years I got over them. I dont know why this one feels tough. I have only one friend left in the city. I dont trust her anymore I know she would do the same. I just dont want anymore friends. My husband is only my best friend that I trust now. He is the best and I love him. I am spending more time with my daughter and husband. But sometimes I feel so empty that we are just 3 of us and dont have friends to hang out with. That feeling is so weird. Then I look at social media and feel bad that how come people have so many friends.

Lol. She has zero knowledge about mental health or therapists.