Thanks Inky.

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Hello Anita. Thank you for writing back.

Quote: “Problem is your thinking probably went through the problems many times but glossed over, didn’t stay long enough, didn’t incorporate your emotions so to achieve a full understanding of the real problem and solve it.”

It might have been the case as you have described.
I usually get nowhere staying with a problem and when my heart and mind becomes overwhelmed from rumination, I just shut down (defense mechanism).
Instead I could think of a solution to a problem. But I often become lost. I get no answers. More pain. I just want to switch off.
Then it leads to inaction.

Quote: “The injury is not slight or superficial. It is deep and intense. It will keep bleeding no matter what you do, until you locate, identify and attend to it.”

Alright. I still have no clue what’s bleeding despite some work I’ve done on myself; personal development, meditation, reading, some exercise, healthful diet.
Most days are difficult for me to move or to do.

Quote: “I don’t need to know you better to be absolutely sure that you didn’t create your misery.”

At therapies, I often share my experiences, thoughts and emotions which I have noticed.
I could, if I wanted to (hence choice), to choose to do things differently.
More often than not, I ended up doing something contrary or act in ways which does not serve me.
Then I’m asked, why do I want to do that?
Is there some payoff for feeling sad or miserable or acting in ways that does not serve me.
Intellectually I know it’s nonsense. Of course I want to feel better. I want to be a good person. I want good things in life.
I then say thing like “I can’t help it.”, which sounds like I have no self-control. I can’t manage myself. I let things run amok.

I appreciate taking your time to write a long reply.
Thank you.

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Hello Maria. Thanks for writing back.

Quote: “Sometimes (I repeat-sometimes), we grow fond of our prison of suffering, cause we are not certain how to find our way out and it’s scaring us. It’s not that we don’t wanna be happy and this is our natural state, but (sometimes), it’s just easier to give up and let go”

This resonates with me. It seems I’ve grown accustomed to being gloomy and sad all the time.
It’s really easy to just give up. Giving up means the end. Part of me still doesn’t want to end like this.

Quote: “Forgive me thousand times if I sound like that therapist (who is useless in my opinion), …”

Haha. I love and trust my therapist. I know there’s only so much she could do for me.
The rest is up to me.

I will try (I hope I don’t procrastinate) to reconnect with nature.
Thanks Inky, anita and Maria for your kind support.